Talking Body
by Don't Touch Me I'm Feeling
Summary: AU: "Yes he said it. He was a male stripper and a male phone sex operator. Yes she said it. She was a teacher." Hanging out with Cana always led to something, and this time it happened to be a male strip club. There were times when Lucy questioned what she was doing with her life. Rated M for everything not T, including male stripping.
1. Prologue

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 ** _Xx Prologue - Natsu Dragneel: Sex Extraordinaire xX_**

* * *

There were times where Natsu questioned what he was doing with his life.

Considering how he was a stripper/phone sex operator instead of an engineer or a school teacher or whatever the fuck people were doing these days, it was safe to say it was nothing productive.

Yes he said it. He was a male stripper and a male phone sex operator.

Emphasis on the male, since it costs a lot of money to be anything else.

When he wasn't at the club shaking his ass for the money he so desperately needed, he was making women climax via phone calls. When he wasn't listening to females cries of pleasure, he was in the club humping the stage floor with other dudes.

It wasn't 'the life,' but shit, if it wasn't fun as all hell.

There was some weird satisfaction he felt whenever the women squealed his stage name, or shoved bills into his pants before he even took them off, or watched them try to keep their smalls hands off of his tanned body.

It made him feel...desired, wanted, _sexy_ _as fuck_.

The pay didn't hurt either.

There was some weird satisfaction as he listened to women beg for him to keep talking when he was on the phone, or whined when he 'teased' them, or cry out his name when they finally tipped over that edge into nirvana.

It made him feel...desired, wanted, sexy as fuck and - in a weird sense - _loved_.

Once again, the pay didn't hurt at all.

Don't get him wrong, Natsu wasn't a player, far from it actually. He respected women a great deal and one may even call him a feminist for how much he cared about equal rights for both sexes. Throughout his lifetime, he had to say he had two girlfriends, both relationships lasting a very long time due to the dedication he put into them. Fidelity, care, and adoration made them last as long as they did, but apparently that wasn't enough for the ladies.

They left him for...

Well that was a story for another day.

What was he talking about?

Oh right. His jobs.

Poverty stricken in his early twenties, he needed a way to earn some quick money without actually having to do work that would make him contemplate ending his life.

What better way than being a stripper?

He thought he was attractive enough, and women certainly made it obvious how much they wanted him. He could make a lot of money while giving women the show they wanted. Easy.

He never saw himself being a stripper when he was sitting in the career center, filling out a paper asking him what he wanted to do when he finished high school. He had actually wanted to be a firefighter.

Well he wore the uniform sometimes...but not in the same sense, and not for very long either.

And he lied about it when he was talking to the ladies on the phone, but that's all it was. A lie.

He still hadn't given up that dream, he just needed to scrap up more money before he walked down that path.

And it wouldn't take that long with how much money he was raking in.

Natsu grinned as the lights snapped on, illuminating the stage and letting him see his audience for the night. Full house huh?

The bass shook the stage and the music started.

Tonight, he wasn't Natsu Dragneel, or just Natsu like he was when he was working _Pillow Talk_.

Tonight, he was the Fire Dragon.

* * *

1\. My inspiration is Magic Mike and the internet. Both equally as dirty.

2\. Hello perverts. Take some story before I shove 3,000 words of smut and sexual tension down your throats.

3\. Can we just take a moment to imagine Natsu in sexy fireman uniform?

4\. Dropped my mango smoothie in the middle of note 3. My body wasn't ready for that image apparently.

5\. Is there a plot for this story? Probably not. I just wanted to write about Natsu being a stripper. Deal with it.

6\. And no. The title is not inspired by the song _Talking Body_ by Tove Lo. You talk on the phone. You move your body in a club of any sort. Put two and two together and you get this mess.


	2. Chapter 1

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 _ **Xx Chapter 1: It Seems Like You're Ready xX**_

* * *

There were times where Lucy questioned what she was doing with her life.

Considering how she was school teacher instead of a stripper or a phone sex operator or whatever the heck people were doing these days, it was safe to say it was pretty productive.

Yes she said it. She was a school teacher at Mavis High.

Emphasis on the teacher since it was a difficult job to have, despite popular belief.

When she wasn't at her job teaching the little brats she called students (she used brats endearingly), she was doing teacher things at home. When she wasn't doing lesson plans for the next day, she was relaxing with her three roommates.

It was 'the life' in her mind, and it was fun as all heck.

But the reason why she questioned her life was because she was sitting at a table in a male strip club, watching the 'Dragons' perform their set on a Saturday night.

Well...not really watching as much as she was blushing and staring at the ceiling.

Lucy didn't really see herself a pervert as much as her friends thought she was, Cana making the comment that 'being a teacher meant a lot of desk sex', to which she followed with, "you like that kind of thing, don't you Lucy?"

No. She didn't like it.

Granted that she never _tried,_ but desks were meant for work. Not bumping uglies.

Not that the idea didn't sound appealing...

Mm. Desk sex...But of course, she would need a boyfriend to try that out with.

Ha! Who needed a boyfriend when she had food? Food didn't leave her.

Ahem. Moving on.

During her twenty-five years of life, she couldn't even count the amount of boys she'd-

Seven.

She'd dated seven boys in her lifetime.

Ahem. Anyway...

Three treated her like trash. One was indifferent towards the relationship. Two were very, very clingy, and her most recent one was the longest relationship she'd had, making her believe they were going to get married.

Then he'd cheated about two weeks ago...

AHEM. CONTINUING. FORWARD.

The point was, she had no luck with men, seeing as how they all wanted her for her money.

Her father, Jude Heartfilia, ran one of the most successful fashion industries in the world, and she wasn't exaggerating. _Heart and Feel Your Love_ was the second most known lingerie companies, right behind _Victory's Secret_. Lucy never put thought into why they were second when they were clearly cheaper, made of better fabric, and more purchased than the other brand.

Maybe it was the really long name. It was a lot to stitch onto the butt.

Point was, she was making it rain in the charities, and everybody wanted that.

Was that also why Cana thought she was perv? Because her family sold fancy underwear and she was always wearing it? Add that to the whole teacher thing and no wonder why Cana practically thought she was living a man's wet dream.

The music was pounding in her ears and it was hot. Way too hot in the club, and Lucy found herself fanning her face in order to get some air into her damn pores.

Cana took this in the wrong context.

"I knew you were hot for this stuff Lucy!" the brunette shouted over the music, slinging an arm over the blonde's shoulder and pressing her lips to her ear. "Are you wet?" she purred.

Lucy flamed.

"N-No!" she exclaimed, pushing the busty drunk off of her. "It's just really hot in here!"

"Oh yes it is," Cana growled, licking her lips slowly, her eyes glued onto the hips of the gyrating men on stage. Lucy could see Cana shivering and biting her lips, and she chanced a look.

Nothing - _absolutely nothing_ \- could prepare her.

The song was fast and upbeat, but they were moving in _slow motion_ almost. Their bodies rolling in sync, their hips pumping and swiveling, and their...

Their _hands_.

Running down their bodies and touching every _glorious piece of skin in sight dear Mavis._ Dipping in every ridge of their abdominals, spreading the slick sweat over their chests, flicking at the buttons of their pants, running through their hair and _Tenrou have mercy because she wasn't getting any in this room!_

Lucy ripped her eyes away forcefully and with no little amount of effort.

She could hear Cana whooping and hollering in appreciation at the men on stage. Last time she looked, there was only one on stage, now there were four rolling, rippling bodies feeling themselves up. One with reddish brown hair, two blonde - she was sure one was the bouncer - and one with light red hair.

Or was that pink?

It was probably pink.

Pink hair or no, he was _working it_.

His moves were perfectly timed with his 'brothers-in-thongs'. His sweat slicked bangs fell over his eyes in just the right way that gave him a seductive, _hungry_ look. His lips pulled back into a mischievous grin, fangs peeking out shyly and Lucy wondered briefly what it would feel like to have them nipping and scraping over her pulse and _oh..._

She squeezed her thighs together. She shouldn't be enjoying this, but she was. She shouldn't be picturing that, but she was.

His muscles - _his muscles_ \- weren't overly bulky like bouncer blonde up there. They were much smaller, more lean, yet they still rippled in the same manner as his buddies. He spun a full one-eighty and she caught sight of his back flexing with arms as he placed his tanned hands on his rear and _pushed_.

His body flowed and Lucy was stuck.

Back rolled, hands gripped, hips thrusted, thighs flexed and knees bent. His companions did the same but her eyes were stuck onto the pink haired 'Dragon' on the stage.

He turned his head, they all turned their heads, but she was only focused on the fact that he turned his head...

And looked at her. Straight in the eyes.  
...

Natsu jolted awake at the sound of his landline ringing loudly in his ear.

He was tired dammit!

Looking at the clock, he saw he had gotten a solid hour of sleep before being rudely awakened by technology. Natsu sighed heavily before plopping his head back onto the pillow and reaching for his house phone, clearing his throat lightly and deepening his voice.

The only reason his landline rung was because it was one of _those_ calls.

"Hey there baby," he said deeply, his voice thick with sleep. Probably should've taken care of that before he picked up the phone. Oh well.

He could hear the mystery girl gasp softly at the sound of his voice, and he pictured someone small. With black hair, short, with big breasts.

He was completely unsure if he was accurate but hey, he always found out eventually.

"H-Hi..." she whispered and he frowned in thought. Probably around twenty-three he was guessing. If she was older, she'd sound more confident or indifferent. Young because of the timidity. If she was seasoned in the bedroom or experienced with phone sex, she'd be more forward and seductive.

First-timer?

"This your first-time doing this, honey?" he asked.

"Ah y-yes. How did you know?"

Natsu grinned to himself. He may not be the brightest apple in the shed, but he knew a lot about his job.

"Just a guess. How old are you?"

"T-Twenty-two..."

Damn. One year off. "Oh? Young blood, I like it."

"H-How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

She laughed lightly and Natsu smiled. She still sounded tense, but he felt she was slowly relaxing. "You made it sound like you were really old."

"Do I sound that way to you?"

He could just picture her shaking her head. "N-No. You sound young and fun and r-really cute."

"Hm. I like to think of myself as pretty cute."

"R-Really?"

"Yeah! What about you? Do you consider yourself cute?"

"N-Not really..."

"Oh? What do you look like then?"

"U-Um..." She paused, and he heard the rustling of clothes, the padding of feet and the sound of a door opening. Did she really just go to the mirror? Did she really just forget what she looked like?

Natsu took a look at the timer. Two minutes and twelve seconds. Good, he would get paid for the hell he was about to go through.

"I-I have black hair, and brown eyes."

"Oh? Long hair or short?"

"S-Short."

He got the hair right. "You sound cute! How tall?"

"Um...around 5'2 maybe?"

Mavis she was short. Got that right too. "How nice? Cup size?"

"E-Excuse me?!"

"Your breasts. How big are they?"

"W-Why do you need to know that?" She sounded appalled and slightly disgusted. Definitely a first timer, and she was lucky she called him and not anyone else.

"I want to how much skin will overflow out of my tanned hands," he said roughly, grinning when he heard her shaky breath. Damn was he good at his job.

"I-I'm a d-double D..."

Not the biggest he's heard but the were still pretty damn big for someone who was 5'2. Was that even natural? "Mm. That's nice," he grunted, keeping his tone low and deep.

"I-Is it...?"

"Yeah." She was a first timer and sounded very innocent. Innocents tended to like the vulgar type so... "You sound really fucking hot."

He could hear the soft whimper she tried to hide and he grinned. Normally, he wasn't one to curse or talk dirty on these calls, preferring to make a girl satisfied with sounds and soft words instead, but he was feeling generous today.

His shift at Majikku was a lively one. The girls were very responsive and appreciative, and he found he had earned over four hundred in tips, more than his usual amount. He enjoyed the set he performed in and his co-workers did a fantastic job of being in sync with him.

Then there was that blonde...

"I-I wear glasses though..."

"That doesn't bother me. I think glasses are sexy. Can you imagine me taking them off of your face slowly, using the earpiece in replacement of my finger, slowly sliding it down your body..."

 _He turned his head, looking at the crowd behind him._

 _Blonde..._

"Placing the temple tip in between your breasts..."

 _Her wide, wide, brown - oh so brown - eyes. Gaping mouth. Pure_ lust _in her gaze..._

"Can you imagine what it would look like pushing between my lips?"

 _He could see the body jerking shiver that passed through her form at his gaze. Her large breasts jiggled with the movement, and his gaze dropped down for an instant before flicking back up to her wide, wide eyes._

"I-I can imagine," Mystery Missus said breathily.

"You can huh?" he whispered deeply. "Can you imagine my tongue replacing the glasses, and it travels down your body? Nipping softly at your waist, arms, neck, legs..."

 _Did her body feel like it was on fire when he looked at her? Was she clenching her thighs - yes she was. She was squishing her thighs together so closely he thought they might fuse into one. He grinned, and he saw her mouth fall open just a little more at the look._

"Can you see it...?" He didn't know her name.

"Mina," she panted, and Natsu could faintly hear the sound of rustling. She was going to work on herself huh? A brief glance at the phone showed he had been talking to her for ten minutes. "My name is Mina."

" ** _Mina_ ,**" he growled. She sucked in a sharp breath and he knew he was doing good. "Are you picturing that your fingers are mine? Are you thinking that it's me plunging my fingers into your cunt?"

She whimpered, and he figured she liked dirty talk.

 _He licked his lips slowly, watching as her eyes followed the movement of his tongue. His lips burned._

 _She bit her lip, and he wanted to do it for her._

"Y-Yes..." she whispered. "Yes. Yes."

"Keep doing that Mina. Keep picturing that it's me." He hummed and shifted a little in his bed. He wasn't aroused, but he had to make it seem like he was pleasuring himself to heighten her own pleasure. "You sound so damn sexy."

 _His hips moved in time with the music, almost on auto pilot. She crossed her legs and they looked so_ long _. But despite his hips doing sensuously wicked movements, her eyes stayed on his, and his on hers._

 _It was almost like he was dedicating his show for her._

 _And apparently she had no problems with it._

His name on the _Pillow Talk_ website was Natsu, so it never surprised him when girls suddenly called his name during fancy fingerwork. Still, it startled him a bit when he heard it when thinking of something completely irrelevant.

So when Mina-san suddenly screamed "Natsu-kun" into the speaker during her Hallelujah moment, all he could say was:

"-kun?"

But she didn't hear him. She was too busy quaking on her bed with her fingers in her va-jay-jay.

 _His hands reached down and slowly flicked the button of his pants free as his friends slowly did the same. He bit his lip, his fang poking into the flesh, and grinned at the blonde in the back. The person next to her was practically salivating as she screamed, most likely something relating to his clothes one way or another._

 _He kept his eyes locked on the blonde._

"I-I'm sorry. Was I too loud?" she asked breathily.

Yes. Yes she was. "No you weren't. You sounded great."

"Oh dear. I hope my neighbors didn't hear me..."

"It's okay. Let them hear your sexy voice!"

She giggled, and Natsu smiled. She sounded so relaxed now. "I...Thank you, Natsu-kun."

Once again, all he could say was, "-kun?"

"I'm sorry, can I not call you that?"

He scratched the back of his head. "It's fine. Just not used to hearing that. Go ahead and call me without honorifics. It seems silly considering how you just came while you were on the phone with me."

Jeez, he could practically _hear_ her blush. Thankfully, she didn't squawk. "O-Okay, N-Natsu-uuu. C-Can I...Can I call you again some time? Maybe...just to talk?"

"I don't see anything wrong with that," he said, genuinely happy with that thought. He enjoyed his job - sometimes - but it could be overwhelming. Having to sound sexy and talk dirty for a living got tiresome at times. Sometimes it felt good just to talk to a random person and still get paid for it.

 _He turned on his mic, faced the girls while standing tall, a finger hooked in his unbuttoned leather pants and grinned. They were practically panting in anticipation, vibrating in excitement. Locking his eyes onto the chocolate browns, he said deeply:_

 _"Are you ready?"_

 _Oh the blonde certainly looked ready. But as he yanked off his pants...  
_...

Her body was not ready.

It was not ready at all.

As soon as that _Man_ of a man yanked off his pants, she melted.

Her brain fried. Her body overheated. Her eyes flashed.

And she drooled.

A lot.

Then she left because she _wasn't freaking ready at all!_

Now she had had many lovers in her time, but none looked quite like that.

His thighs - dear Mavis his thighs - were so toned and tanned and smooth and the skin was pulled tight _tighttight_ like the hot coil in her stomach. His calves - _have mercy his calves_ \- were so proportional to his entire body, it almost didn't look real.

Lucy didn't think she would _ever_ be so into calves but look at her now.

Squealing in her pillow about some stupid skin.

It was stretched along his legs tighter than a speedo.

Speaking of speedo, she didn't know if it was the skimpy man-thong-thingie he was wearing but it made his _gun_ look _huge_!

It was no Johnson-Johnson for babies but a _Johnson-Johnson_ for _men_!

She was about ready to sign that _package_ off.

Good Lord she was a _teacher!_ She shouldn't be thinking of that!

But she was.

She shouldn't be _picturing_ it!

But she was.

Lucy silently cried into her pillow, for she was the worst kind of trash. She felt like the huge dumpster filled with unfinished frappuccinos and lemon cake because she was afraid to admit that she probably - _sortofkindofmaybe_ \- just fell in love with a stripper.

She felt like Cana! Not that she was trash.

Speaking of...she was still at the club wasn't she?

Lucy sighed and pushed herself up from her bed, reaching for her cell phone. After one call that went unanswered, Lucy gave up and sent the bartender a quick text.

 **To: Alcoholic  
Delivered: 12:07 AM  
** **Message: I left you. It was too sexy for me. Finish my beer?**

Almost instantly, she got a reply.

 **From: Alcoholic  
Received: 12:07 AM  
Message: Already did baby. Already did.**

And Lucy wondered why the hell didn't she just pick up the phone.

Shaking her head, and throwing her phone on the charger - not plugging it in, literally throwing it on top of the charger - the blonde yanked off her clothes and walked into the bathroom.

As she showered, she couldn't help but think of the pink-haired 'Dragon'. The way his body moved and moved and _moved_ signaled that he had be 'entertaining' for a while. She wondered what days he worked, then kicked that thought out of her mind. Then she wondered what time he worked, then stifled that train quickly.

She wondered if he was single.

Then promptly beat her forehead.

Eye candy. That's all he ever was. That's all he'd ever be, and she knew it.

And when Sunday night rolled around and when the clock struck midnight, she found herself sitting at the same table she and Cana sat at despite the fact that she was alone, and she had work the next morning. Despite the fact that he was just 'eye candy'.

And once again, these were the times Lucy questioned what she was doing with her life.

* * *

1\. So strippers...?

2\. So phone sex...?

3\. So references...?

4\. Let's jump right into it because yes.

5\. So I can either rant about the chapter content and explain why I did this and that and put that there and made this character like this and made her do that, but no. I'm just going to say phone sex changes people. Stripping changes people. If Natsu seems OOC, it's because he's a phone sexing stripper man dude guy. He has to shape himself into the type of man ladies want so they can get off properly.

6\. I'm crude. And slightly innocent.

7\. There's a reason I added the Natsu phone scene in there. Gimme a second to figure out what it is.

8\. Ah, because I wanted you peeps to see what exactly he does when he's not taking off his clothes. This is a thing. This is what happens. Enjoy Natsu talking dirty.

9\. Oh and get it? Heart and Feel Your Love? Heart-and-Feel-Your-Love? Heart-eh-feel-i-a? Heartfilia? I spelled that out for you so you better get it.

10\. Oh right. End of the chapter. There's a blue button down there, it says review and it's calling your name whatever it may be. How about you click it and tell me how I'm such trash?


	3. Chapter 2

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 2: Hello Fascination xX_**

* * *

The bell rang, cutting Lucy off in the middle of her sentence. She paused the video clip she was showing to her students while they shoved their folders and pencils into their bookbags. "Don't forget! Test on Friday about all of Unit Two! We only have one more lesson to go over before you get your study guides!" she called as the teens filed out of her class.

As soon as she was truly alone for the day, Lucy sighed and flopped heavily into her chair.

She was tired.

She had only gotten about three hours of sleep before she had to wake up at 5:30 and prepare for work. School didn't officially start until 8:45, but teachers were expected to be up and at 'em at around 7:00.

Meetings and such.

Plus she was a female, and they tended to take longer to get ready than any other species on the planet or interstellar space.

Add that to the large breakfast she prepared for her housemates because she damn well felt like it.

She was tired, but damn if she didn't look good or wasn't well fed.

Lucy yanked her hair free of the tight bun she put it in, sighing in relief at the feel of FREEDOM. Her nails scratched softly at her abused scalp and she had to keep herself from moaning aloud.

She was in a school, dammit!

But teachers didn't stay in male strip clubs until two in the morning...hoping that maybe - just maybe - a pink-haired 'Dragon-that-was-actually-a-human-but-boy-did-he-move-like-a-dragon' would pop up on stage and give her that delicious eye contact she so craved.

He didn't show that night. She was mildly disappointed.

Lucy was trash and she knew it.

Sighing softly at her thought process, the blonde quickly put her hair into a low bun that didn't pull her hair follicles out of her scalp. She gathered up the classwork assignments her students had turned in, and began the tedious task of grading.

Now she loved her students. They were all little angels with more piercings than strictly necessary, but they were good kids nonetheless.

So when she saw one kid had answered the question of 'William Shakespeare joined the company of what London theatre in 1594?' with 'the Magnolia,' she was a little...put off.

First of all, it was the wrong flower. _The Rose_ was the correct name.

And secondly, _The Rose_ was the rival theatre to _The Globe_ , which was the actual theatre Shakespeare had joined in 1594, granted it wasn't built at the time.

Had she mentioned magnolia in any of her lessons?

Lucy was yanked out of her musings when a sharp knock on the door resonated through the room. She looked up to see her redheaded roommate.

"Hey Erza! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?" Lucy asked.

"I should, but I'm taking a break. Your father really works me to the bone sometimes."

Ah right. How could Lucy forget that Erza was her father's secretary?

At first, the Heartfilia daughter was supposed to be the heiress to the company, but Lucy had quickly thrown that option out of the window, preferring to do something that wouldn't require her to drop everything in her life and take care of it.

Like a baby.

But she liked babies, so she supposed that wasn't an acceptable analogy.

Before her teaching job, when she was still in process of trying to figure out how she would successfully teach the new generation history, her father had dumped work for the company on her doorstep, telling her to have at it.

And that was when she met Erza.

She was merely a receptionist in the same building as her father at the time, but she did her work quickly and efficiently. After a year of her work, her father deemed her 'worthy' enough to start as his secretary, which was a pretty big jump considering she had been answering calls for lack of a better job.

Skipping the boring part, Lucy had immediately taken a shine to the fearsome woman when she had growled at the new receptionist to stop talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and do her work.

They were inseparable ever since.

Lucy rested her chin on her fist and turned to face her friend fully. "What's he having you do this time?"

"He had me run back and forth to the hospital to take some things to your mother while she was in surgery. She's also awake and wishes to see you."

Lucy frowned.

"Do you know how it went?" she asked.

Erza flicked a strand of red hair over her shoulder, crossing her legs and eyeing Lucy carefully. "It went fine. She was in a lot of pain when she woke up and kept trying to scratch an itch on the ankle that wasn't there."

Lucy scowled.

"I'll see her after I finish all of this." The blonde gestured to her students' papers. "How's Dad?"

Erza smirked. "Misses you dearly."

"Then he can wait a while longer to see me."

The redhead laughed and propped her head on her palm, and Lucy couldn't help but admire her exotic beauty.

Scarlet red head cascading down her back to her slim waist in straight tresses. Sharp, brown eyes tilted up slightly to give the impression that she was always either glaring at someone, or propositioning them. High cheekbones, naturally full, red lips, _massive_ bust, _wide_ hips, and legs that stretched on for miles.

Cana thought Lucy herself was a man's wet dream? Did she ever take the time to just...stare at Erza?

If that woman tried hard enough, she could make both men _and_ women fall for her.

Lucy felt inferior.

"So...I heard you and Cana went to a...bar on Saturday?"

Immediately, the blonde snapped to attention.

 _"Shhhhh!"_ Lucy pressed a finger to her lips, looking at the door to make sure no one had heard. Especially the after school students. Erza smiled as Lucy flailed and blushed, flipping papers around to make it seem like she was working, should someone walk by. Ducking her head to her chest, the teacher flicked her eyes to the secretary. "...we did."

Pardon her French, but now Erza was wearing a shit eating grin. She never wore that.

"And you went again last night?"

Lucy flinched. "N-No! Why would you think that?!"

"I have sources that enjoy the company there, and one told me they saw the _Heart and Feel Your Love_ heiress curled up the back, looking like a lost puppy," Erza replied, her grin wider than before.

"These sources. Give me their information so I can kill them."

Erza leaned forward, a strand of red hair falling over her shoulder to drape over her chest. Lucy knew there were probably over a hundred men wishing to be that piece of hair.

Too bad Erza was faithful.

"What were you doing there? Cana told me you left early the day before?" the redhead asked.

Lucy picked up her Teacher's Edition textbook, using it to cover her flaming face. It wasn''t doing much, but it was doing something. It was hiding the fact that Lucy was biting her lip as heat flared through her body.

 _Pumping, gyrating hips. Strong thighs. Toned calves. Flexing biceps. Rippling back muscles. Sweaty chest._

 _Pink hair._

Lucy gasped softly and hid her face further under her book.

"I-I'm in love with a stripper..."

Erza froze.

" _What?!"  
..._

Erza wasn't as much of a prude as people thought her to be. To be honest, she was quite the pervert. However, she hid it extremely well. She liked to subtly admire a good body every now and again, wore skimpy lingerie - _Heart and Feel Your Love_ of course - and owned erotic novels. Smut filled from cover to cover, and nothing less.

She hid her lingerie under piles and piles of unattractive, white panties, and the book covers were different from what they really were.

She hid her stuff well because she was the biggest closet pervert out there.

Only a select few people knew that she enjoyed the life of smut, and those people were of a carefully picked four. Lucy Heartfilia, Natsu Dragneel, Jellal Fernandes, and Loke...whatever his last name was.

Lucy and Natsu found out by accident, Jellal knew because they were an item at one point, and apparently Loke could...smell that she was a pervert.

Don't ask.

She had a feeling Laxus Dreyer - bouncer, grandson of the owner, and pelvic thrusting extraordinaire - thought she was a pervert since she showed up at Majikku almost every other day, but didn't confront her about it. Either he didn't particularly care, or he didn't want to anger her. Erza was a demon when she was angry.

So when she stomped into the private room, anger flowing off of her in waves, it took no longer than four seconds for Loke to have his pants on, back ramrod straight as if he was a new recruit in the military.

The poor woman behind him was all types of confused.

"A-Ano-"

"Loke!" Erza shouted, her hands fisting on her hips. "Is Natsu working tonight?"

"No, sir!"

"What is-"

"He works tomorrow?"

"Aye, sir!"

"What time?"

"Midnight to four, sir!"

Erza scrunched her nose in thought.

"Excuse me-"

In a flash, the redhead was draped over the client, playing with a strand of her hair. The look Erza was giving the lady had even Loke shivering.

Bedroom eyes.

"I'm sorry, miss," Erza spoke lowly, and Loke could see the girl's eyes haze over as Erza spoke. Her head tilted back oh so slowly and her mouth opened oh so slightly. Erza's finger slipped free from her hair and trailed down the woman's neck softly, her bedroom eyes still activated. "I didn't mean to interrupt, but I have to talk to my employee here." The finger reached the collar of her shirt and followed the scoop neck slowly. So distracted was the woman, that she didn't dare ask how she couldn't know what her own employee's schedule was. "Do you mind leaving us alone for a while?"

The woman opened her mouth to respond, but Erza's finger landed on top of her lips to prevent her speaking. "Please...?" she whispered softly and the woman gave a timid nod. The redhead smiled and stood slowly, her hands running down the woman's arms to grasp her hands and help her stand as well. Loke watched, enraptured as Erza slowly lead the woman with swaying hips to the door and out into the full club. With an air blown kiss, the secretary shut the door and turned to Loke, who started clapping.

"Amazing performance Erza! Ah, how I wish I had your finesse when dealing with the same sex," he sighed, dropping into a kneeling position. "Please teach me your ways, Shishou!"

"No." Loke's face fell, and Erza walked over to the chair the client sat at before she was...seduced. She crossed her legs and gave the ginger a look, gesturing for him to hand her the remote to the stereo, restarting the slow music that was previously playing. "Dance for me. I need to evaluate your progress while we talk."

"Are you sure it isn't just for your pleasure?"

She glared at him, and he felt like he was suddenly in the frosty mountains. He began to move.

"Was Natsu working last night?" Erza asked, scanning his movements critically. He spun his hips slowly, dipping lower than strictly necessary, but it looked good nonetheless.

Loke shook his head as he slipped his fingers in the belt loops of his leather pants. "No, he called out so he work _Pillow_ _Talk_ a little longer while he tended to his sprained ankle." His fingers ghosted up his abdominal muscles and pectorals, up to his hair to grip it and give him a rugged, messy look, hips still swaying. Women liked that look on him apparently.

"Sprained ankle?" Erza questioned as he somehow managed to shimmy out of his pants, leaving him in a pair of very tight boxer briefs. His hands gripped the chair beside her head as he rolled his body towards her, barely, just barely, brushing against her own chest. She nodded in approval.

"Yeah. Apparently he messed it up during his solo on Saturday, right after the Dragons were done with their set. Said he was distracted."

"Probably by all of the women grabbing at him. It's hard avoiding fingers," Erza said, pulling his hips closer to her body. He was too far away. "Be closer, women like that."

"Do you?"

"If it wasn't you and someone else, then probably."

"And by 'someone else', you mean Jellal?" She glared again and he sighed, dropping to a crouch in front of her legs, uncrossing them and running his hands up the smooth thighs slowly. She swatted his hands away when they got too high up. They may have been very close friends - obviously - but even she had her limits as to how far he could go.

"What's he working tomorrow?"

"One solo and private dancing."

"For four hours?"

"Women love pink hair."

Erza chuckled as he moved to sit on her lap, arching and pushing and thrusting his body in ways that shouldn't have been possible, but what do you know - it was. "Why the sudden interest in him? You're making me jealous."

"No need. It's all for Lucy."

Loke stopped, his hips pressed against her stomach in what should have been erotic, but was only uncomfortable for Erza. She felt crushed. "Lucy? Was that why she was here last night?"

Erza nodded and pushed him off of her. If he wasn't going to dance, there was no need for him to sit on her like she was some chair. "She's...interested in him."

"Not my princess, no!" Loke sounded horrified and Erza smiled and pat his head. "She's walking down the wrong path! She needs to come my way!"

"You can keep trying, but it will end in failure."

"Ye of little faith."

"I will not deny that." She straightened her skirt and crossed her legs once more. "She's been under a lot of stress lately, what with Layla-sama being in the hospital from her surgeries, and her job requiring more effort than she can hand out."

"She's a teacher, how hard can that be?"

"A lot harder than we think. You forget, they're teens. Most of them are in their stage of rebellion and it's part of her job to keep them in line." Loke grunted. "It's just a little crush at the moment, some kind of guard to help with her previous breakup. A small seed that won't grow into anything more. I admit that she needs to relax, and what better way than receiving a private dance from the very man she's currently 'fangirling' over?"

"Getting all hot and bothered is relaxing?" Loke questioned, furrowing his eyebrows. "You women have weird methods of relaxation."

"And yet, you still pursue us."

"What can I say? I love your fragility." He gave Erza a soft kiss on her knuckles in a way that should've made women's knees weak, yet it only served to make her punch his forehead 'softly'. He groaned in pain. "Right. Note to self, women aren't fragile at all."

She smiled.

"Did you even tell her that you know Natsu?" he asked.

"I did not. As far as she knows, I've never even heard of you."

"I'm going to need a reason, Lady Scarlet."

"Same as why you've never told her you're an entertainer. Her father would have an aneurysm and she would get an ulcer."

There was a knock on the door and Laxus walked in. He glared at the two, crossing his arms over his bare chest. Erza briefly deduced that he must have finished performing his routine and was back to guard duty. "Laxus," she greeted.

"Scarlet," he returned, gesturing to the two of them. "You guys a thing now? What's going on here?"

Loke waggled his eyebrows and the redhead smacked him upside the head. "Performance review. It's a wonder he gets any customers with how poor his dancing is."

"It's the mane, they love it." He growled as though he were a lion, grinning and running his fingers through his hair. Laxus rolled his eyes and Erza shook her head with a small smile.

"Anyway," the blonde hulk continued, "He's got people waiting for him. You need to get out."

Blunt as always.

Erza stood and made her way to the door, turning back to look at the ginger. "I'll let you know if I get her to agree. You know how she is with the whole situation. She's having a meltdown because of it. If she consents, you have to make sure Natsu is working whenever she shows, and that _you_ are not."

"Aye, sir," Loke saluted. Erza nodded and breezed out of the room, leaving the two men alone.

Silence.

Realization.

"She didn't pay me!"

* * *

1\. Hm. Loke/Erza. I like it. ANOTHER.

2\. Ah! So there _is_ more to this story besides rippling muscles and man thongs.

3\. Here's a little break in all of the sexiness I threw at you last chapter. Still sexy, but less sexy. Get used to it because I'm going to be integrating it practically every chapter.

4\. Jesus, who uses the word 'integrating' in a normal sentence?

5\. Shout out to the English teachers who somehow manage to throw words like 'integrating' in a casual conversation.

6\. Ah, this chapter. Personally, I have no problem with being friends with strippers. One of my friend's used to be one, and I love pole dancing. It's a goddamn talent to be able to wrap your legs around a metal pole and stay on it while you're wearing LOTION. But think of the household Lucy was raised in, her profession and what kind of person Jude is. See my point?

7\. No Natsu today, but give it time. Until then, there's some half naked Loke and Erza's bedroom eyes up there for you.

8\. I'm hungry.

9\. Am I funny yet?

10\. So I wrote the first two chapters of this back to back and didn't post it until 4 in the morning (both chapters). I had an alarm set for 11 because I had shit to do, but I didn't fall asleep til about 5:30. My alarm goes off and I find my phone absolutely covered with emails ranging from reviews to follows.

11\. Guys. That's 5 1/2 hours. Holy Hell.

12\. Thank you so much for the positive response. I honestly had no idea what to expect when I posted it and konked out. It wasn't that for sure. So thank you and hit that review button. Tell me if you think Loke was sexy in this chapter,


	4. Chapter 3

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 3: Boys, Boys, Boys xX_**

* * *

Gray Fullbuster sighed as he walked down the street.

He tolerated a lot of things, but he didn't do bullshit.

99 problems, but bullshit was not one.

So when Natsu had called him in the middle of his photoshoot, telling him to drop everything he was doing and meet him at their usual place to handle an emergency, Gray immediately called bullshit.

He was on a roll since he got up to three bullshit's so soon in the day. Even his job didn't make him say it as much.

Gray was model. An underwear model to be specific. For _Crocus Clive_ to be extra specific.

He liked his job, to be honest. It was fun to just have people taking pictures of him because he looked good. It was a good career to have since he constantly met new people. There was something about taking half naked pictures with the man or women beside you, and having it end up in a really popular magazine or website that started really good friendships.

Natsu wasn't a model, but he did work with people who previously were. Albeit, small time ones.

T-That didn't mean they were friends! Hell no!

Anyway, he also liked his job sorely for the fact that he didn't have to wear many clothes. It was either a full business suit, a t-shirt and underwear, or just underwear. Nothing more.

Gray was sort of, kind of an exhibistionist. Though he wasn't one purely for the satisfaction of seeing random people gawk at his junk, it was purely for the feel of freedom. Not being restrained by the earthly bindings of clothes felt good. It made him feel loose, clean, unhindered.

Shut up and accept his reasoning.

Gray made a left turn and started his way down the sidewalk, scanning the names of the shops he passed by. He was slightly curious as to what this 'emergency' could be.

Knowing Natsu, it had something to do with food.

Yanking the door to the cafe open and unconsciously unwrapping his scarf, letting it flutter to the floor, Gray searched the room of _StarBisca's_ for his pink-haired rival. He found him almost immediately, inhaling a large cake pop into his mouth. Loke was with him, which was a surprise.

"What do you want now? I was in the middle of work, dipshit," Gray greeted, throwing a nod in Loke's direction. The ginger pushed a lemonade in his direction and the model accepted it gratefully as he took a seat.

"Ehmurgency," Natsu said, swallowing what he could. "We need to go shopping."

...Gray was done.

He stood, thanking Loke for the drink before starting to make his way out. The pink-haired stripper squawked in protest, standing up and yanking the raven-haired man's collar. Gray made a sound equivalent to choking and clearing his throat as the fabric pressed against his esophagus. He yanked his collar from the other man's grip and spun, ready to throw a punch and knock his skull from underneath his skin.

"Okay okay!" Loke interjected, pushing the two males away from each other. "Now it's not polite to fight, especially when we're in a place with dozens of beautiful ladies." He threw a killer smile and wink over his shoulder at the women crowding around. Gray rolled his eyes and Natsu scowled.

They settled after some random girl handed Gray the scarf he left at the door. After sitting in silence for the better part of five minutes while Natsu blew his money on pastries and the like, Gray spoke up. "Shopping? What are we, girls?"

"It was Loke's idea."

"What's wrong with a little shopping? Just three very attractive men, who show their bodies to the public on a daily basis, walking around town in search of the right clothing apparel," Loke said.

No one responded.

"You guys are no fun," the ginger pouted.

"I would like to say you interrupted my shoot for this."

"And my breakfast! You never cut a man's breakfast."

"Gray, it wasn't like you were doing anything. And Natsu, I was sure I saw three plates cleared. That should've been more than enough for any normal man."

"I ain't normal!"

"I was posing!"

Loke tsked and smiled. "In other words, you both were free. Appearance is important, for all three of us, and you both know we have to keep it up." They grumbled and Loke knew he was winning. "Plus, three best friends shopping for clothes to impress our female audiences, can gain even more of a fanbase. There's nothing wrong with raking in a little more money from our jobs, right?"

Gray chewed on his straw. "I'm not the stripper, so I don't need to worry about it."

"Not a stripper? Then why are you taking off your shirt?" Natsu asked.

A quick movement and the ruffling of clothes. "...I'm not."

"Dumbass."

"Asshat."

"Now now," Loke interjected before it could get nasty. He stood and threw away his empty cup, his friends following. "Gray doesn't have to buy anything since this is mostly for Natsu's benefit."

"The fuck are you setting me up with? I swear if it's another date with one of your fangirls-"

"It's not, don't worry." The ginger laughed as Natsu scowled and muttered to himself. Gray idly thought that he must not be ready to date ever since...her.

Natsu's most recent girlfriend.

A string of guilt coiled in Gray's chest, and he willed it away before it got too bad. It wasn't his fault, Natsu even told him so, albeit very roughly. There was no doubt that the Pinky was still bitter about the whole thing - only a year had passed - and he was still angry with Gray because of it, but they both knew it wasn't his fault that girls fell for the model.

It wasn't like he asked to have Natsu's girlfriends go gaga over him. Gray couldn't control the female heart, and if he could've, he would've made them hate him with every fiber of their beings. He and Natsu may fight often, but in the end, they were still close friends - being with an idiot since childhood tended to form some very strong bonds. And since they were close friends, he knew to never accept the affections of the girls Natsu was interested in, nor to fall for them as well.

Natsu was his best damn friend, and that was fucked up.

As far as Gray knew, Natsu and Ex still talked occasionally despite the break-up. They were friends before they had started dating, and Natsu hadn't wanted to ruin that. Sure it may cause problems for future relationships, but they were living in the moment and would deal with the consequences later.

Gray's phone buzzed and he flipped it open.

 **From: RiRi  
** **Received: 2:34 PM  
** **Message: You never text me anymore! Boo :'(**

Gray shook his head and shoved the device back into his pocket, tuning back into the dancers conversation.

"-really need you to handle this customer for me on Saturday! She's a special one and I won't be working that day!"

"I'm not taking your girls! They won't like me as much as they like you, and it'll be a waste of time if they don't enjoy the performance."

"Please Natsu! You'll enjoy it!"

"Will she be bringing food?"

"F-Food? No...?"

"Then there's your answer."

Gray smirked.

Loke stopped in front of the pink-haired male, his eyes narrowed in irritation, which was rare considering his nonchalant persona. Natsu was just as nonchalant - if not more so - and usually accepted anything without questions, so it was odd seeing the 'Fire Dragon' deny something as simple as serving a customer. Gray was intrigued.

"Come on Natsu," the ginger whined, pushing said man on the shoulder not quite softly. Natsu returned it, harder, nearly pushing Loke into the trash bin they passed. "It's just one girl! She'll only be able to show on Saturday and someone needs to show her a good time!"

"How the hell do you even know her?" Gray cut in, moving to walk beside 'The Lion'. "Are you saying she doesn't go there often?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Loke smiled. "And we met when we were way young. Like, _wayyy_ young. Around two years old I think?"

"Then you can handle her when you come in," Natsu said, pushing open the door to a random clothing shop they passed. The other two followed closely behind. "I don't take other people's women."

Why did that sound like a subtle jab towards him, Gray thought.

Loke didn't reply, and the model turned to look at him. He was furiously typing on his phone with, what could only be described as, a wicked smile. He let out a secretive chuckle, and flipped his phone shut with a triumphant look on his face.

Natsu narrowed his eyes.

"Now unless you want to take a rough beating from Erza, I suggest you take on this customer without anymore attitude. They're very close friends." Loke threatened, a smug smirk on his handsome face.

...Natsu _and_ Gray gulped.

"Just do it man," the raven-haired man said, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "It can't be that bad."

Yet Gray knew how bad Erza could be.  
...

Natsu sat in the dressing room, swinging his feet from the high stool he sat on. His shift had started about an hour ago, and he had already performed his sets and did his solo. He now had a fifteen minute break before it was time to start his private shows.

He was not looking forward to it at all. But he did look forward to seeing Loke's friend.

 _"I'm not going to give you her name, but just look for a blonde with brown eyes - like chocolate - and big boobs. She shouldn't be hard to find. Whatever you do though, don't tell her you know me or that I set you guys up. She's really uptight and vicious and will kick you. She also may be walking in with Erza, so ignore her and get Lu-my friend to pay for a dance from you. Got it?"_

Blonde hair. Chocolate eyes.

Natsu was excited!

It had been a week since he'd seen her and, to be completely honest, he had wanted to meet her again.

He had noticed her staring at the ceiling instead of the boys on stage. He had noticed how she was almost embarrassed to be sitting in a club, watching men take off their clothes for money. He had noticed that she was staring at him instead of the other three on the stage with him at the time.

He was excited!

He honestly had no idea why he was anticipating dancing on her so damn much - it really wasn't the whole 'dancing on her' part. It was more of being able to talk to her, even for a little bit.

The reason why he had so many customers was because he took the time to talk to them, act like a friend instead of their fantasy. Many of them came back to just converse with him. Even while working _Pillow Talk,_ many of the people he talked to just called to either hear his voice, or carry on a casual conversation.

Those who didn't just wanted to get off and call it a day.

The timer signalling the end of his break rang in his ears and he smacked it off before throwing away his cup.

Show time.

Natsu stepped out from behind the scenes and walked into the dim lighting of the club. The music immediately rushed over him, crashed into his eardrums like a tidal wave. He loved it.

The bass pumping and vibrating the cups on the tables, drowning out the sounds of squealing women. The low lighting that enhanced the good looks of the men on stage, the overall excited and happy feel to the club. It was addicting.

He could do without the smell though. It hurt his head.

In the span of an hour, he had danced for five girls, brought seven drinks to three tables, and swerved out of the way of four groping hands.

Still no blonde though, but Natsu was optimistic by nature.

Another half hour of avoiding flailing women and collecting tips and Natsu was slowly starting to get irritated.

How was Loke going to set him up and not have his friend show up? Jackass.

Finally, _fucking finally_ , he saw the blonde he was looking for. She had just walked in, clutching onto the arm of some redhead - that happened to be Erza. She looked frazzled and nervous, and she was also pouting.

A little cute.

Erza was saying something - he couldn't hear over the music - and the blonde seemed to freeze before launching into a tirade of some sort, squeezing harder. Her face was steadily getting redder as her chocolate eyes - he remembered those - darted to the stage and back to Erza. Her head tilted down and she whispered something that cause the redhead to stroke her hair comfortingly, saying something that caused the blonde to take in a shaky breath and nod timidly.

Natsu took that as his cue.

Avoiding all of the Miss Grabby hands, he quickly, smoothly made his way over to the two women. Stopping in front of them, he grinned widely.

The blonde froze, then jerked so hard she might've cracked her neck.

"Never seen you around here before. You new?" he asked.

She gave him a look that said she knew he was lying. That said she knew he knew she wasn't new.

That said 'did he forget that eye contact they had when he was stripping?'

He almost laughed.

"She came here previously, about a week ago," Erza said. She gave him a look that said ' _you don't know me and if you disobey me say goodbye to your testicles_.'

At least, that's what Natsu thought it was saying. She could've been thinking 'I really like kittens and I want to roll in a pool full of them.'

Highly unlikely, considering it was Erza. But he rolled with the lie.

"Really?" he asked, incredulously. "So you've never had a private dance from anyone here?"

The blonde shook her head slowly, her cheeks redder than an apple. Mm...apples. Shit, now he was hungry.

He grabbed the blonde's hand - it was small, he idly thought - and thrust his thumb behind him and towards the private booths. "How about I be your first? It'll be fun!"

For some reason, that made her blush more, and Natsu briefly thought that he never had a customer that flushed this much.

The blonde looked towards Erza warily, as if she was asking if it was really okay for her to be doing this. The redhead nodded and gave her an encouraging push towards Natsu, making the smaller girl stumble into his personal space.

Natsu didn't mind, but she looked like she was about to have a heart attack.

With another grin directed at the two of them, the pink-haired exotic dancer dragged his client to the booth reserved for him and his customers. She was shaking, he noticed, but he would remedy that.

Pulling her into the room and turning to the door, he clicked the lock in place before grinning.

Finally! Some action!

* * *

1\. Screw this chapter. It's short and shit.

2\. Who the hell is RiRi? She's not one of my created characters. Get her out of here.

3\. *sitting on the couch with le family*  
Me: So I'm writing a fanfic about male strippers.  
Dad: Uhhh...  
Aniki: This is the reason why none of my friends know about you.  
Me: And it's also the reason why we're both in college and still living with our Dad. It's because we're trash.  
Aniki: You're the trash, so time to get out.  
Dad: I feel like I'm supposed to ask you why you decided to dedicate your time to writing about that, but I guess you have your reasons.  
Me: No reason at all. I just like male strippers.  
Dad: Let's pretend we haven't talked about this.

4\. At least Dad understands.

5\. So the chapter. I felt like I had to push the thing out like a baby, and it still isn't suitable. Whatever I guess. Nasty - new nickname for that child - is slightly OOC, I get it, no need to tell me. But understand that he is twenty six in this story, struggling for money, and an adult entertainer. He is going to be mature since things like these tend to make a person grow up faster than most. Later on in the story, he may return to how he used to be, but give it time. He's been through some shit, and it's bound to change a person - and why am I even bothering to explain this? It's an AU. I can do whatever the hell I want with these children.

6\. Just because I hated this chapter, prepare for an early update - say, Friday at noon PST? Would y'all like that? I already have chappie four typed out.

7\. Wrote that before this because I didn't even want to touch this chapter for days.

8\. And boy...bring a washrag for your sweat cause it is hot.

9\. How did Sugarboy say it? _MMMM. SPICY!_

10\. So leave a review and tell me how normal my family is and how weird I am. Pfft, male strippers. They don't understand the struggle.

11\. And I don't own Fairy Tail. Forgot to say that in past chapters. Whoops.


	5. Chapter 4

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 4: We Can Take, We Can Take, We Can Take Our Time, Baby xX_**

* * *

She was nervous as all hell.

She literally could not stop trembling.

Her heart was pounding, her knees were shaking, her hands were sweating and _could she please just sit down?!_

"Do you wanna sit down?"

 _YES. PLEASE._

She sat down so hard in the fancy chair, she feared she might've dug the legs into the floorboards. Her hands gripped the sides of the chair so tightly, her knuckles were turning white.

Mavis have mercy on her poor, innocent soul. Why was she here?

And most of all, why was she so nervous?

Lucy shifted as she watch the Fire Dragon, Natsu was his name, twist the lock on the doorknob, effectively keeping everyone out and her, in.

Silence. And it was suffocating.

He spun around and faced her. Lucy froze, and she briefly thought it was about time she stopped shaking.

He stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Lucy fidgeted.

"So what's your name?"

...what?

"E-Excuse me?" Lucy asked, not quite sure she heard him correctly.

"I asked what your name is. You know, the thing you were called since you were born? Yeah that."

"L-Lucy..."

"Nice to meet you, Lucy!"

...what?

Lucy looked around the room for any hidden cameras. Was this a gag? Was she being filmed? Who was behind all of this?

Where was the sexy music and erotic dancing? The heat coursing through her veins? The fast pace of her heartbeat? Where was everything associated with _arousal?_

Her eyes snapped back to Natsu when he started walking towards her, and suddenly she was nervous again. Pressing her back flush against the padding of the chair, she looked up at him as he came to stand in front of her and...

And promptly straddled her.

His arms came up and rested on the head of the chair, framing her head and effectively trapping her in his space.

Her heart - her _heart_ just wouldn't calm down!

 _Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump-_

"So how are you today?" he asked.

...what?

"It's been a long day for me," Natsu continued, sighing. "First Happy pissed all over the floor and got mad at me for it, like it was my piss! I don't piss on the floor. I piss in the toilet and in the woods. When I was younger, I pissed my bed a lot. I think something was wrong with my bladder-"

"Ew."

"-I know right? Anyway, Happy was all sulking and scratchy this morning because of it, and I had to give him three fish instead of the usual one and a half. Spoiled dog."

"...Dog?"

"Yeah, Happy's a dog. Little teacup chihuahua, but he acts more like a cat than anything. I don't like cats, they're mean. I had a cat once, and I swear she hated the world. I named her Charle and I think she secretly wanted to set my bed on fire when I was asleep. She always walked around with this sort of stuck up look, and Happy loved it. I gave her away because she gave me a pretty nasty scar on my neck." He tilted his head to the side, letting Lucy get an up close and personal view of his tanned neck.

It looked so smooth and unblemished besides the thin scar stretching about three inches long. It seemed so pale compared to the rest of his skin, but Lucy found it extremely attractive. Her pulse hammered.

She could smell his spicy cologne and the undertones of something musky and earthly. It smelled like pine needles during the winter season. Like autumn leaves. Like...like...the forest. Like he spent so much time outside that his natural scent turned into the smell of nature itself. Discreetly, she inhaled.

And shuddered.

With all of his talking, she almost forgot he was a man hired to take his clothes off and wiggle his hips in her face.

 _Almost._ But he was still sitting on her, which was the reason why she hadn't.

Lucy gulped.

"I gave her to this little freshman girl who is my second rival's cousin. Sweet thing she is, no creepo. Charle certainly liked her when they met and dropped me like a sack of potatoes in an airplane. I was a little sad, but at least I'm still whole. I take Happy to see her sometimes since he'll chew on my socks if it gets too long," he continued, and Lucy had to wonder what this was about. What was his game?

Natsu shifted a little, and Lucy froze.

"Geez, you're hard to relax," the stripper said, furrowing his eyebrows and scowling. "You would think having me talk about my pissy pet would get a woman to laugh or cringe or something. You're just sitting there."

"Because you're _sitting on me!_ "

"Yeah, I know. Your thighs are soft and squishy." Natsu bounced on her lap a few times with a grin, and Lucy wondered if he was a child in a man's body.

That thought was not comforting.

"Are you calling me fat?" she asked. She felt a vein in her head throb.

"Nah. I'm saying you have a good figure. No man really wants a stick. As long as you have some sort of meat on your bones, you're good. Like chicken...mmm, chicken." His stomach growled and his eyes glazed over lightly. "I'm hungry."

"You...didn't eat?" Was she really having a casual conversation with a stripper? When said stripper was supposed to be grinding all over her?

"I was busy with other stuff all damn day. You wouldn't believe how many people need shit these days." He sighed, shook his head, and stood up. She suddenly felt very cold.

Now that she could properly _breathe,_ Lucy evaluated the situation. She was currently in a room with a man wearing nothing but a black vest with gold edges and really loose, white pants. He had pink hair, and a really great body. He was supposed to dancing on her, but instead he was drinking water - where did that even come from? - but she decided she didn't care because _that Adam's apple was bobbing and she wanted to lick it._

Lucy gulped.

"You relaxed yet?" Natsu asked, twirling the paper cup in his hand. "Or do you need more time? Want some water?"

"Aren't you - you know, on a time crunch?" she couldn't help but ask. Suddenly it hit her. She was wasting time talking! _He_ was wasting time talking! "How much time do I have left?"

"We can take our time," he said, pouring himself another cup of water. "Everyone knows how I work. It's one of the reasons why I'm so popular, other than my salmon hair."

"Pink."

"It's salmon."

End of argument.

"And how exactly do you 'work'?" Lucy asked, using air quotes.

"There are two types of customers involved with private dancing," he started, holding up two fingers on each hand, which, technically, added up to four. The blonde didn't correct him. "There are the really eager ones, the ones that are all grabby and touchy-feelings and breathe like a dog in 115 degree weather. They're the ones that aren't satisfied with anything we do, and want more than what we give them. Like...way more. Catch my drift." He did a crude hand gesture involving one straight finger and one in a circle.

Lucy caught the drift. Caught it quickly.

"But we don't do that here, so they always leave disappointed. They come back and try again of course, but they always leave the same way. It's a weird cycle." He threw his empty cup on the floor and crouched in front of her. Innocently. He crouched innocently, but why did it still seem like a sin? "The second kind of customer are the really nervous, shy kind. That's you, if you haven't noticed. You're the type to just sit there and stare because you're afraid to move. My technique is to get the woman relaxed before I start dancing. It's no fun if you're stiff, and you can't enjoy it that way." He poked her thigh.

Innocently. He poked her innocently, but why did it make her skin burn?

"Why are you telling me this?" Lucy asked, rubbing her hands on her thighs to erase the feel of his _one damn finger_ on her skin.

"You asked?" he answered.

"That can't be all."

Natsu frowned thoughtfully and looked at the ceiling, as if it was a someone who would give him all the answers. It wasn't, and when he realized this, he looked back down at her and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I like you."

Her face. It felt like someone had set off an explosive in her cheeks.

He grinned suddenly. "You ran away when I took my pants off. That was funny, so I guess you're counted as a special guest. I haven't laughed that hard in ages, and shit, it was hard to keep myself from laughing on stage. I messed up my solo and sprained my ankle because of it!" He burst into loud laughter at the memory, and Lucy flushed in embarrassment.

She almost smacked him, but she remembered she wasn't supposed to injure the merchandise.

"So," Natsu started, standing up slowly. Lucy didn't know if he was doing it to be sexy, or because his legs were sore. Either way, her heart started pumping faster. "You ready? You relaxed?"

As relaxed as she could be when she was trapped in a room with a piece of man candy, she supposed. The teacher nodded.

The stripper pulled the remote out of thin air - or his ass, Lucy had no idea - and started playing slow, sensuous music. The bass was loud enough to cause an earthquake, but she wasn't focused on that.

She was focused on the man in front of her.

He started off slow, simple shifting of the hips, slight pumping of the chest. Nothing super special or drool worthy, yet Lucy couldn't take her eyes off him. He moved - he _moved_ so fluidly, he was almost like water. She gripped the sides of her chair to keep her hands to herself.

His body shifted with the slow melody, never going faster, never slowing down. He danced as if he was one with the music, as if he was the notes on the sheet of paper.

Lucy was enraptured.

Natsu arched his back and let the movement travel all the way down his body. The motion stretched the skin, made it slightly paler, but allowed her to see every contour, every ridge, every sharp angle in his upper torso. It let her see each bump in his abdominals, and the smooth slide of delicious skin that just begged to be licked. _Oh..._

His long, thick fingers trailed up his body and slid over the fabric of his black vest, fingering the gold edges teasingly, and Lucy licked her lips slightly. Her heart was hammering in her rib cage, ready to jump out of her body and land itself in the palm of his hand. His _hand,_ the appendage that was currently sliding the vest off to reveal more, more, _more_ of that delicious skin.

The vest itself wasn't all that large, to be honest. But for some reason, it looked like a large sack covering his body. And when he was finally free of it, Lucy felt like there wasn't enough storage in her brain to remember the perfect image of a shirtless Fire Dragon Natsu.

The cloth fell to the floor silently. Her eyes ran over every piece of newly revealed shoulders, pectorals, and - and the _v-line!_

Lucy's breathing quickened, and she squeezed her thighs together.

Natsu began to move again. Not fast, very, very slowly, and it was _torture._ His hips jutted out, pumped slowly to the slow song playing as he moved closer to her, close enough to where she could feel the heat of his skin through her too tight top. Or maybe that was her own body heat? She did feel really hot in this room.

Was this really the man what was ranting on about his pissing cat - dog - whatever the heck it was, about ten or fifteen minutes ago?

He moved confidently, like he knew what he was doing. Like he knew what he was doing to _her_. His body rolled as his hands found his chest and followed the movement of his torso down, down, _down_ towards the waistline of the loose pants that hung too damn low on hips. Lucy's eyes followed his hands almost involuntarily, and she almost felt bad about ogling him like he was a piece of meat.

The only way she convinced herself it was okay was by saying it was his job. That he was doing this because he didn't mind the attention.

"You can touch, you know."

Lucy's eyes snapped up to the black ones - were they always black? - at the sound of his voice. He was grinning, but it wasn't a teasing grin - like 'I know you like what you see because I can see your drool.'

It was more of a 'I'm having fun and I really like this song' kind of grin.

How...innocent.

"T-Touch?" the blonde stammered. He was still spinning his hips, the baggy pants flapping with the movement.

"Yeah. Anywhere except for the important bits," Natsu answered, giving a thrust of his hips for emphasis on what not to touch. Lucy flamed. She knew what the important bits were now.

She loosened her death grip on the chair and slowly, slowly lifted a hand. He moved closer so she wouldn't have to reach far, and she briefly found the action sweet. Lucy noticed, which meant Natsu noticed too, that her hand was shaking and sweaty. If only she could hide that.

Her palm landed on his abs, and something that felt like lightning and lava zipped up her arm and straight to her core.

She snatched her hand away.

The stripper raised an eyebrow. "You don't want to touch?"

Didn't want to touch? _Didn't want to touch?_

Lucy almost burst out laughing at the _absurd_ idea that she ' _didn't want to touch_ '.

She wanted to touch him more than a baby wanted to chew on its damn fist.

But if she touched, she'd be taking advantage of him. Yeah, sure, it was his job, but Natsu seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and she didn't want to take advantage of nice men.

He had kindly asked her if she wanted a private dance. He had talked casually to her to get her to relax. He had let her take her sweet, sweet time in calming herself down, even asking her if she wanted some water. And - even though he called her squishy - he said she had a good figure.

A nice guy, and she wouldn't take advantage of that like other women.

Lucy shook her head and Natsu shrugged, returning to his dance. Once again, the hips moved and it seemed like men really favored that part of their body - second to their...ahem.

He walked around her chair slowly, stalking, like a dragon eyeing down its foe. Stopping behind her, Lucy couldn't see what he was doing, but that only made her anticipation for the unknown grow. She felt his large hands drop onto her shoulders and slowly slide down her bare arms, leaving a trail of heat and goosebumps in its wake.

Lucy shuddered. Violently.

The hands kept going, reaching her hands and entwining their fingers. Her hands were a lot smaller than his, she noticed, and a lot paler. They clashed against his own hands, which were slowly raising her arms, only to slide down the inside of her arms and _oh_ the heat.

Natsu's hands continued down her arms, slowly, to her armpits, around the sides of her breasts - _oh Mavis_ \- to her waist and hips - squeezing lightly and making her squeak - and finally, the middle of her thighs.

The fire, the _lava_ she felt in her core could rival the temperature of the center of the earth.

He walked around in front of her, and she was surprised he was out of his pants, and in a pair of tight, black boxer briefs. Lucy's breathing labored. How did he take them off if his hands were on her?

Skill. Pure skill.

Natsu moved to stand over her, right over her clenching thighs. His pelvis was level with her upper chest and the blonde felt she _couldn't breathe_.

She still couldn't, even when he began to move again.

His movements, so smooth, so fluid, he rolled his body in the right way that showed her _everything_. His body brushed against her chest oh so lightly and - and did she just moan?!

Her face flamed hotter than before, and her fingers itched to reach out to just grab him and-

Two sharp raps on the door made Natsu stop moving and angle his body towards it. Lucy wanted to kick whoever was out there. She couldn't hear the lock twisting, but she did see the door swing open.

Leaning around the half naked man standing over her, the blonde saw it was the bouncer blonde from before - she knew he was a stripper! - with his arms crossed.

"Time up?" Natsu asked, stepping away and Lucy almost whined. _Almost_. The bouncer nodded and the pink-haired man moved to pick up his clothes and put them on, even though he'd be taking them off again pretty soon.

Stripper logic.

The bouncer left as soon as he came in and Natsu turned to grin at her. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes," the teacher croaked. She swallowed and cleared her dry throat. Must've kept her mouth open for too long. "I...Thank you." Lucy reached into her purse and shuffled through all of the makeup and pads and other womanly needs, grabbing her wallet. "How much?"

The stripper pursed his lips and hummed thoughtfully. "Your number."

Lucy gaped. She had a lot of money, but Mavis, not that much! That was ten digits!

"I-I don't have that much..."

"No no. Give me your number and that'll be it."

She was still gaping. And shaking, but who cared. "Why...why do you want my number?"

"To call you, duh."

"But _why?_ "

He thought for a moment. "Because I want to see you again. Outside of this place. You're weird and I like it, so I want to be your friend."

Why didn't she mind that as much as she should've? His reasoning was a little vague and perhaps a little naive if she was anything but a school teacher - a murderer for example.

But he seemed like a nice guy, completely unguarded and childish, innocent. So she gave him her number, warily of course - he could've been murdering his skin-kin and no one had known. But maybe he wasn't like that?

Lucy hoped she wouldn't regret her decision.  
...

"Eh? Lu-chan! Where have you been?"

"Juvia has been worried!"

"What's the matter Lucy? You go drinking without me? Bitch."

"I just...I really need to have sex right now."

* * *

1\. Over 1,000 words of Nasty - not nasty, but Nasty - stripping. Have at it.

2\. Ending seemed rushed, but I don't give a damn. All of my energy was sapped out when I was typing Nasty-kun and his abs.

3\. I had a teacher once. He said damn in practically every other sentence and didn't care. He was a cool guy.

4\. He was fired about two years later for not taking the principal's warnings to heart.

5\. Uh chapter stuff. Let's see. I highly doubt Nasty-chan would grind on any woman with her being all uncomfortable in his presence. He may be an idiot sometimes and tactless _sometimes_ , but he is a considerate cinnamon bun. Don't believe me? Remember the chapter/episode where he peeled that tree out of the ground for Lucy when she was sick so she could see the purrty rainbow leaves? Remember when her father died and she was all upset and didn't want to talk to anyone, and he was all quiet because he knew she didn't want to hear him say shit. Then those girls walked by and - yeah.

6\. Considerate little shit.

7\. So there's stripping Nasty-tan and client Lucy throughout this whole chapter. I do good?

8\. And screw canon Fairy Tail cliche's because yes.

9\. How bout letting me know in a review how I can't write a kiss scene for shit, but can apparently write strippers easily. Or tell me I'm shit, I don't care.

10\. And I don't own. You're weird in the head if you think I do. Imagine the whole series being about magic male strippers...

11\. Hold on. Let me go buy Fairy Tail from Mashima.


	6. Chapter 5

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 5: Call Me Maybe? xX_**

* * *

It's been six days, and she still hadn't heard a word from Natsu.

How the hell was he going to ask for her number and not give her a call?!

Lucy was freaking impatient!

The blonde slammed her head on her desk, listening to the sound of her students chattering around her. She let out a soft groan, clutching her phone in her tiny hand.

She honestly felt like a teenager again, back when she had a crush. In a way, she did have a crush, but in no way was she a teen anymore.

Those were her students, and maybe - just maybe - they were rubbing off on her.

Lucy sighed again and propped her chin on the desk, only to see three of her students, staring her right in the eyes.

Lena, a small, brown haired girl with gray eyes. Mikky, a tall, black haired lass. And Joanne, an equally tall, dirty blonde. Her three most athletic students. And though Lucy didn't play favorites, they definitely had to be the most polite. She adored the three second years.

"Are you feeling alright, Sensei? You've been groaning for a while now," Mikky asked.

"Are you sick?" Lena.

"Oh I know! You're on your period!" Ah Joanne.

No. No she wasn't on her peri-

Lucy shifted.

No, she wasn't.

"Sorry kids, you're all wrong," Lucy said, smiling when they all frowned. "And I don't think it's very appropriate for a teacher to disclose that information to her students if she's experiencing her time of the month."

It was at the moment that the class decided to quiet down, and everyone heard what Lucy had said.

She flushed as the boys looked positively horrified at the thought of their hottest teacher experiencing her monthly 'shedding'. Lucy laughed.

"Calm down guys, I'm not. And if I was, I wouldn't tell you. Plus, you shouldn't look so disgusted with the prospect of periods. One day, you'll be with a female, whether it's your girlfriend, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, niece, whoever, and they'll start theirs randomly. They'll ask you to pick up the things the need to last them the week and have emotional breakdowns. If you're disgusted by it, then what will you do?"

"Run away and live in a tree," one boy muttered, causing the class to break into laughter. "I can survive off of berries for a week."

"You can't even tell a driver the directions to your house without getting your lefts and rights confused. How do expect to tell the difference between poisonous and non-poisonous berries?" another kid asked.

"I'll eat them. If I start throwing up blood, then I'd know it was poisonous."

"You're horrible," a girl said, giggling.

"Not horrible, just not very smart," some random boy chimed in. Lucy couldn't remember his name for the life of her. Was he even in her class?

"That's cold bro. I thought we were tight."

"You thought wrong." The class laughed again as the bell rang, signalling the end of the day. Lucy wished the teens a safe trip home and reminded them to finish their vocab over the weekend.

Soon the class and hallways were empty, and Lucy allowed herself to lean back and...just breathe. She inhaled deeply, held her breath, and let it out slowly. Inhale. Hold. Release.

Relax...

Her phone buzzed.

Forget relaxing.

Lucy practically threw herself over her desk to reach for her phone. Her quick movements sent papers fluttering to the ground and pens rolling off of the edges. She didn't care though, she could pick those up later.

 **From: ?  
Received: 3:02 PM  
Message: Natsu**

One word, one name, two syllables, and it sent her heart racing and made her palms sweaty. The blonde wiped her hands on her skirt before her phone slipped from her fingers. She gulped.

What did she say to that?

She thought he would've said something more...entertaining? Maybe going on a rant about he needed to wash the dishes? Complaining about how his cat - dog? - she couldn't remember - pissed on the couch again?

But this...this was boring.

Still, she replied.

 **To: ?  
Delivered: 3:03 PM  
** **Message: Natsu? This is Lucy.** **  
**

If he wanted to be boring, then she could be boring too-

 **From: ?  
** **Received: 3:04 PM  
** **Message: Thank Mavis :) I thought I lost ur # :( But I found it! XD Lost my phone a while ago so thats y I didnt call u erlier :/ Happy took it nd hid it en his lil doggie bed, tha lil sneak |:( But I got it now! :D** **  
**

...Oh _Tenrou_.

There was so much wrong with that one message, Lucy could barely stand it.

Expressions. Expressions for _days_.

Grammar. Spelling. Punctuation.

Did he not believe in it?

Lucy put her hand on her forehead as she deciphered the message until she finally understood what he was saying. Despite the absolute _mess_ of a message, she found it charming that he was so energetic, even through cell.

Her fingers flew over the keys in a reply.

 **To: ?  
Delivered: 3:05 PM  
** **Message: Good for you. I was getting worried that you lied about wanting to talk to me again.**

Was that too clingy sounding? Lucy bit her thumb as her finger hovered over the send button. Would he think she was weird if she said she was worried? Would he stop talking to her?

Her finger shook and hit the send button.

Almost instantly she got a reply.

 **From: ?  
** **Received: 3:05 PM  
Message: I dont lie :( Only scum lie to women :C I think I tore my place aprt tryna find tha damn thing so u wouldnt think I wus standin u up or sumthin :0**

He was...he was sweet!

Lucy squealed softly, lightly kicking her feet against the flat carpet of the classroom. A large smile crossed her face as she re-read the message, and covered her flushed cheeks.

 **To: ?  
Delivered: 3:07 PM  
Message: Well I thought that for a while considering how you asked for my number, and didn't text or call me afterwards. I had a feeling that maybe you only added my digits to your extended list of females phone numbers.**

 **From: ?  
Received: 3:08 PM  
Message: Pfft what list XD All tha girls en my phone r really good friends :) Nd I would nvr play a girl :( I have too much respekt 4 them to do tht**

Ah right. He said he only wanted to be friends with her.

Lucy sighed and leaned back in her spinning chair, slowly sending her twirling. She shouldn't have felt disappointed about it, but she did. But she also felt guilty.

She was expecting him to woo her in unknown ways, despite only meeting him a week ago, at a strip club no less. He probably didn't even want to be in a relationship now.

Lucy frowned and smacked her forehead lightly.

At least he respected women. That was a plus.

 **To: ?  
Delivered: 3:09 PM  
Message: You should also gain some respect for the language we speak. Your text talk is atrocious haha**

If she put 'haha' at the end, hopefully it would soothe the burn. Like a balm. Lucy giggled.

 **From: ?  
** **Received: 3:09 PM  
** **Message: You finally noticed :0 A bit on the slow side, aren't ya? :)**

Lucy burst into laughter. Where was the ice when she needed it?

 **To: ?  
** **Delivered: 3:10 PM  
Message: You jerk! Fooling me like that! You had me worried you never took a grammar course in any of your school years**

 **From: ?  
Received: 3:11 PM  
Message: Puhleez. I aced those classes with flying colors XD  
**

 **To: ?  
Delivered: 3:12 PM  
Message: Whew! I thought I would have to teach you how to spell again.**

Lucy flipped her phone shut when she didn't get a message immediately, turning to many piles of paper on her desk. Her cheeks almost hurt with how hard she was grinning, and she was sure she looked like a huge idiot with her cheeks all flushed, and her eyes all bright.

He wasn't boring like his first message suggested. His texting tone screamed 'energy' and 'good times', and Lucy enjoyed it.

He was fun!

And he wanted to be her friend!

She didn't know why she felt giddy at the thought. Was it because all of her friends had different methods of fun and a different sense of humor? Cana had crude humor, Levy spat novel references, Juvia and Erza both shared dry humor, Loke bubbled with flirtatious jokes. Of course, Lucy herself split those jokes with all of her friends, but she never had a friend or lover who had Natsu's humor.

And what exactly was his humor?

Lucy tapped her chin with her pen, putting a little too much thought into his kind of character, when her phone buzzed.

 **Unknown Number**

She answered it after two rings.

"You do realize you could've replied to my message instead of calling me, right?" she greeted. Her pen bounced against her cheek.

 _"Why do that when I could call you and tell me to meet me at_ StarBisca's _now?"_

Lucy looked down at her work, seeing that she hadn't gotten much done and graded. "Can't. I'm working."

 _"Work can wait!"_

"Yours, maybe. Mine, not really."

 _"Boring. I already wasted my money on a tea for you, so you're coming to meet me now."_

"Why tea? I could hate it for all you know." It felt so natural talking to him. Why wasn't she more guarded about this whole situation?

 _"You look like a tea kind of girl, so I got you tea."_

"Just for making assumptions, I'm going to pour it all over the ground."

 _"You better not. Now hurry up! It's hot and Happy's drooling."_

"You don't plan on murdering me and hiding my body right?"

 _"I wouldn't have waited a week to do that if I wanted to."_

Lucy sincerely hoped he was joking. "But my work-"

 _"It's my only day off this week! Come on."_ He sounded adorable when he was whining and pleading. Lucy sighed and started shoving the papers into her bag. Looks like it would be a long night tonight.

"Alright, alright. I'm on my way."  
...

He wasn't lying when he said it was hot, Lucy thought as she made her way down the street.

Since she was alone and not yet at their meeting place, she now had the time to evaluate her life.

Which made her question what she was doing with it.

Getting ready to meet a stripper at a cafe because he suddenly told her he brought her tea? Not questioning the fact that he suddenly called her and told her that he brought her tea? Not being wary of the fact that she was meeting some random guy that she 'met' a week ago? She was an adult, and knew some Judo - her father practically threw her in the class since it was close to his name - in case she was in trouble, but was she really going along with this?

Lucy stopped walking.

Was she really going to hang out with this guy because he brought her tea?

He may have seemed nice and naive, but looks could be deceiving.

Oh she knew all about that, Lucy thought bitterly, a wry grin twisting her lips.

But back to Natsu.

He was easy to talk to, easy to joke with, and she couldn't deny that. But she had only texted him for literally a full ten minutes and talked to him on the phone for about 30 seconds, and now she was going out to meet him? Didn't her mother teach her to be more cautious around strangers?

...but what did the kids say these days? Y.O.L.O? You only live once?

She did only live once, and she wasted half of her years fawning after men that were after her bank account.

With Natsu's job, she knew he wasn't struggling for money, considering he probably earned over three hundred every night. He certainly wasn't trying to get in her pocket.

Either he wanted to genuinely become her friend, or he wanted to murder her.

If it was the latter, one good punch in the throat and a Judo throw should incapacitate him long enough for her to call the cops.

If it was the former, well, she was always looking for new friends. But she would stay cautious. She wouldn't let her guard down just because he danced erotically for her.

Lucy felt heat coil through her body.

NO. Enough of that.

She turned the corner and immediately started looking out for familiar pink hair - oh excuse her, _salmon_. She almost started looking for someone who wasn't wearing clothes, but she remembered that they were in public, and he wasn't working today.

Also that it was against the law. Yeah. It was against the law.

She shouldn't have felt disappointed.

Her eyes scanned the throng of people until she finally - _finally_ \- saw the _salmon_ hair she was looking for.

And he was most definitely wearing clothes. And a scarf. While it was hot out.

Lucy made her way to him slowly, trying not to seem too eager, and trying to discreetly wipe her hands clean of sweat. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans. And a scarf. While it was hot out.

She couldn't get over that.

So when she walked up to him, ignoring his wide grin and frantically waving hand, she asked, "Are you seriously wearing a scarf? While it's hot out?"

And he replied, "It's not that bad. Plus it goes with the outfit."

Lucy conceded that, at least that part, was true.

"Where's my tea?" she asked next.

"I drank it. You took too long, and it's hot out."

Says the man who literally _just said_ it wasn't that bad!

Lucy chuckled and shook her head, reaching into her purse to grasp her wallet. "You bought it for me, so how much do I owe you?"

"Nothing. It's free."

"I don't believe that."

"Well believe it."

Lucy shook her head again with a smile. Everything seemed so natural with him. "I'm surprised to see you wearing clothes."

"Well it _is_ against the law to walk around in my 'uniform'," he said, a wide grin on his face. Lucy laughed and walked into the small - yet very popular - cafe. It was then she noticed that Natsu followed after her, and he had no dog - cat? - with him.

"I thought you said your...pet was drooling?" Lucy asked, walking up to the barista. She quickly ordered a medium black tea and slapped the bills in the waiting hand.

"I lied about my _dog_ Happy being here. I thought you said you didn't like tea?"

"I said that as an excuse to avoid coming here. I thought you said you didn't lie?"

"I lied. I thought you wanted to be my friend?"

It was amusing how they spoke to each other. "I never _said_ it, but yes, I do. But understand," she grabbed her drink and they made their way to an open booth, "about a week ago, you were taking off your clothes and dancing on me. Then you suddenly ask for my number, and don't actually text me until today. Excuse me for being a little wary. I usually talk for more than ten minutes before joining a man for tea."

"You really think I'm going to kill you, huh?"

"Not exactly." Lucy chewed on her straw. "It's just weird how this friendship is starting. Usually people find out basic information like where I work, how old I am, do I own any pets, what are my hobbies, simple stuff like that before inviting me out."

Natsu leaned back and crossed his hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. "But that's boring! That's stuff I can find out later in our friendship or they could tell me without asking. To me, that stuff is a last resort conversation stretcher. It feels like taking a rubber band and pulling it until it snaps, then it hits your hand and look! There's a giant red mark on your hand because of it." Natsu scrunched up his nose, and Lucy found the action adorable. "Conversations like that are painful, and I'd rather leave it alone."

Lucy giggled. "I don't really understand the analogy, but I get what you mean. Somewhat."

"Huh. You'd be the first."

She shook her head with a smile. "Does it bother you?"

Natsu furrowed his eyebrows. "Does what?"

"Me being suspicious of your intentions?" She was still nervous around him, but she felt a little more at ease. He really was just a good guy trying to make more friends.

It was still a little weird that he wanted to be friends with a previous client.

Were all of his customers his friends?

She didn't want to think about that.

Natsu shrugged. "Not really. It does seem weird that I would suddenly invite you out, I know. But you seem cool, even more so when you're not ogling me without clothes." Lucy flushed and he grinned. "I'm not going to hold it against you, but you're gonna have to relax around me some time."

She doubted it would take long before that happened.

* * *

1\. I was in the fourth grade I think, and I had this teacher that started her period in the middle of class without knowing it. She was writing on the chalkboard and we could see the spot of blood on her blue pants. One little girl was so scared that our teacher was dying that she got up and hugged her, screaming that she was bleeding. I've never seen a teacher turn more red.

2\. I want to say it was junior year, and we had this real cool teacher. She was our health teacher and we were going over periods. She got so passionate and irritated when she talked about it, and all the girls in class - including me - could do nothing but agree with her hatred for the time of the month. I swear we spent a whole class period just ranting about how bad it was.

3\. I had some real cool teachers.

4\. Sorry anti-perioders if you're reading. But you'll never escape the shedding uterus.

5\. Chapter time! Uh...hm. Oh right! If Natsu is OOC I GET IT. Calm down. AU and mature guy, remember? Personally, though I love little Nasty-kun - I'm quite fond of that nickname - in all of his Fairy Tail glory, but there eventually has to be a time where he grows up and becomes an adult. He's still a spontaneous idiot, as you can see above, but he is now grown up and all adulty.

6\. Also, the whole situation with Lucy just suddenly accepting his invitation. I'm sure you guys might not have a problem with it, but I'm going to use an example. I make friends by just talking to them casually. I don't bother with the boring information like "where did you come from?" or "do you have any siblings?" It's tedious, and I can find out that information later through other subjects. No one likes a boring conversationalist, so I'm sort of basing Nasty off of my own personality. Lucy is a chill girl, and remember in first episode where she followed Nasty to Fairy Tail without a second thought - granted he saved her life but hush. It's kind of like that. She herself doesn't know it yet, but she trusts him subconsciously. I'll get more on that later.

7\. First time I ever had to clarify two things.

8\. First time they were over 150 words themselves.

9\. Never let me do that again guys. I'm serious.

10\. You can do so by telling me in a review that this was a long ass note.

11\. Also Happy Birthday to me!


	7. Chapter 6

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 _ **Xx Chapter 6: No Sleeep xX**_

* * *

They had spent the remainder of Friday afternoon hanging out, talking, and getting to know each other.

Lucy felt that she had learned a lot, but she had a feeling there was more to learn about the pink-haired stripper.

For now, she learned that it was a dog he owned - she had problems remembering that for some reason - and his name was Happy. He was a little teacup chihuahua, and he was blue, because blue was Natsu's favorite color purely because it was the hottest flame. She found out that when he wasn't working at the club or doing his other job - which she had yet to find out - he helped his father with his firework business. She learned his favorite subject was lunch, and that he was smarter than people gave him credit for.

She learned he had one sibling, but they were long gone - not as in dead, but as in off to travel the world. She learned that his father wasn't his actual father, but merely a foster father. He didn't tell her what happened to his actual parents, the subject being a bitter one for him, and she didn't pry.

He also mentioned that he was prince in his past life? She didn't know if he was joking or not, and decided not to find out.

In return, Lucy told him that she was an only child. Her cousin was a beekeeper in Sabertooth farms, and his name was Sting. That lead to Natsu finding out that she was majorly allergic to beestings, and rarely ever visited her cousin. She also told him that her family owned a lingerie brand, which prompted him to ask if she wore her own product.

She did, but she didn't tell him that.

Lucy told him that she had a fish she named Meezmo - because why not? - and he laughed because he thought it was a stupid name. It was stupid, but she was partially intoxicated when she named it.

She told him it was a gift from her mother, and he didn't ask about her. Nor her father for that matter...

Meh, it was fair trade, she supposed.

Lucy told him that she really liked kids, which made them steer towards the park to watch and play with the children there. The parents were a little suspicious of a pink-haired, scarf wearing man, who had sprinted into the playground and immediately started pushing the first kid he saw on the swing higher into the air, but they eventually relented, seeing as how he didn't seem like a threat.

Maybe it was because Lucy was standing beside him, laughing at his antics. Probably. Most likely.

Definitely.

It was a good day, Lucy thought, walking beside Natsu, a chocolate ice cream cone in her small hand. She smiled to herself.

"I had a good time today," she said. "I've been under quite a bit of stress lately."

"How come?" he asked, practically swallowing the ice cream whole. He didn't, there was little bit left that couldn't fit into his mouth.

"Just family things, and work. Mid terms are coming up and I might have a few students showing up for supplementary lessons over break." Lucy sighed.

"Teacher?"

"Yep."

"Huh."

"Mmhmm."

Silence reigned as they both enjoyed their ice cream - or what was left of it. Natsu finished his and almost went after hers, but with a glare pointed in his direction, the man backed off.

Lucy also found out the dude could really _put it away_.

"What grade do you teach?" he asked, licking his fingers clean. Lucy averted her eyes.

"All grades. Whatever they throw on me."

"High school?"

"Mmhmm. Much better than being a stripper, I assure you." She grinned and he huffed, but she could see the small smile tugging on his lips.

"I definitely make more money than you," he countered.

"Are you discounting the fact that I am an heiress to the lingerie company I told you about?" she retorted. Natsu sputtered, and Lucy laughed, tossing the rest of her frozen delight into a nearby trashcan.

He damn there went ballistic.

"You're wasting my money!" he cried, reaching into the can. She squeaked and pulled his arm away before he could be seen, yanking him away from the bin. "You could've finished that! Three dollars, gone!"

Lucy laughed as she continued to tug him forward, no specific destination in mind. She really...She really just wanted to be with him a little while longer.

"No one told you that you had to pay for mine! I have money as well, you know!" she said.

"And listen to every man ever tell me I'm a jerk for not paying for the woman? Nah, I'm good." He grinned and Lucy shook her head with a smile.

Her phone rang, the chiming startling them both.

"One minute," she muttered, digging in her purse for the damned object. She swore if it was her father saying there was some company business she had to attend to-

 **Levy-heichou**

Ah...Lucy hit talk.

"L-Levy-chan..." she answered sheepishly.

" _Where are you?!"_ her friend screeched in her ear. Lucy pulled the phone away and glanced at Natsu. One look on his face - which was pulled into a grimace - showed he had heard that from where he was standing.

Which wasn't that far away...

They were brushing shoulders...

Huh.

"I'm out right now," Lucy told her, purposely leaving the answer vague.

" _Well you need to get back in! It's precisely 11:32 and we're worried! Juvia's crying!"_

It could've just been her imagination, but did Natsu flinch? Maybe Levy was louder than she thought.

"Sorry! I lost track of time." Which was always a surprise since Lucy had to be the most precise person in their group of friends. She was always planning something, estimating the time it would take to do this or that or get from point A to point B, and harping on her roommates to make sure they were always on time.

What was this man doing to her?

" _You can apologize later. Just get home so we can start mopping these floors - ah Juvia, no! You can shut the faucet off now, Lu-chan's on her way home now!"_

"She flooded the house?"

" _Not yet. She's well on her way though. Hurry up before we have to replace the floors - Juvia, you don't need to flood the house when you're upset!"_

 _"It's the only way Juvia can expresses her extreme sadness! Through water!"_

 _"Come now Juvia, put the vase down - don't dump the water out - Juvia!"_

Lucy sighed. "I'm on my way. Just hold tight, okay?"

 _"Eek! Come on, that was a new book! Quit splashi-"_

Lucy ended the call.

The blonde ran her hands over her shirt in an attempt to gather her bearings. After formally adding Natsu into her contact list and calming her whirling mind, she turned to face the stripper. "Sorry about that. My roommate is having a breakdown and I need to calm her down."

His eyes snapped into focus, and he grinned at Lucy. She frowned. "It's alright! Crying girls are a mess so I don't want to be in your place," he said, a little too enthusiastically while folding his hands behind his head. "I have to go check on Happy anyway. He probably shit all over the place." The two scrunched their noses in disgust.

"Not sure if I want to meet the little rascal now," Lucy mumbled.

"Is that your way of saying you don't want to see me again?" Was Natsu pouting? He was really pouting!

"That's not it!" Lucy hurriedly assured him, frantically waving her hands. "I want to see you again, definitely! Happy just sounds..." Really damn ignorant of his bladder and bowels. She was scared he might piss all over her shoes if they met.

Lucy flushed when she realized she just admitted to wanting to meet up again. Quite eagerly in fact.

He grinned. "Alright! Wanna meet up tomorrow? It's a weekend and I don't work until midnight."

Right...Glutton during the day, 'entertainer' by night.

But he was still cool.

Lucy nodded, smiling widely. "Just message me the deeds and we can make it happen."

"'Deeds'?"

"It's what the kids say!"

"No. No it's not."

Natsu laughed and Lucy blushed in slight embarrassment. But mostly because he had a great laugh.

Maybe she could put it as her ringtone...

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked, taking a few steps back.

The blonde took two small steps away. "Yeah, you will..."

"Promise?" One large step on his part.

"As close to promising as you can get." Three more tiny steps on her end.

"I'm holding you that!" He had to raise his voice.

"You better not stand me up!" She rose hers to the same level.

"I'll text you! If you don't answer, I'm spamming your phone!" He had to peek his head around the corner.

"If you break it, you're buying me a new one!" Her finger pushed the button on the light pole, urging the 'walk' symbol to show.

"At least I'd definitely have your number then!"

"Yeah you will!" She walked backwards across the crosswalk.

She smiled at him. He smiled at her and waved. She waved back.

He disappeared around the corner.

She couldn't calm her heart.  
...

Now Lucy had grown to expect the weirdest out of friends. Usually they were in a state of organized chaos when she returned home, so she never expected the worse.

She did not expect to step on a soaking wet 'Welcome' mat.

She also did not expect to open the door and watch a small stream of water exit her home.

There went her paycheck.

Removing her wet heels, though it would make no difference if she hadn't, she cringed when her stockings squished against the wet floor - the equivalent to wet socks. Lucy shuddered and pressed forward into the kitchen, where she heard incoherent screaming and wailing.

And lo and behold, standing on the kitchen table, wielding a bucket full of water, was a very, very wet and crying Juvia. On the floor, screaming and flailing, was a soaked Levy, and laying across the counter, chugging a bottle of hard lemonade, was a completely dry Cana.

Lucy sighed and put her purse, car keys, and cell phone on the damp couch.

Rolling up her sleeves, she charged.

Lucy sprinted to the bluenette and her arms around her waist. She instantly went berserk and started swinging the bucket, somehow managing to not spill any of the water inside of it. Cana's laughter rang throughout the kitchen just as Levy cried "Lu-chan" in absolute relief.

The bucket-wielder froze and turned to face Lucy, the blonde giving her a reassuring smile. Yes, she was home. Yes, she was safe. And she wouldn't worry them anymore. Juvia's eyes watered...

And she dumped the water on Lucy's head, bucket and all.  
...

"Juvia has lost her phone. It died early this morning," Juvia said.

Outwardly, Lucy gasped. Inwardly, she threw a party.

Juvia was practically one with her cellular device. She never went anywhere without it, and was always on it. Doing what, only Mavis knew, but it made it hard to conversate with the girl. She knew everything about the phone - Lucy still wasn't sure if it was because of her part time job working in a phone store, or if it was because she spent her life on it - and it practically kept the poor girl going. She never let it die, never dropped it, kept a case on it at all times, and never let anyone hold it.

In short, Juvia cared about her phone. _A lot._

"That's horrible Juvia! What happened?" So Lucy could make sure it happened again.

The blue-haired beauty twisted her fingers together over her bare lap. After the water fight, Juvia, Lucy and Levy decided to relax in their underwear, whereas Cana just sat naked, despite being the only one to come out of the incident dry.

"Juvia dropped it in the toilet. It was why she was so...distressed both this morning and when Lucy-san returned."

Cana scoffed. "'Distressed' is putting it lightly. You were in hysterics, screaming and burying the phone in rice."

"The neighbors were...concerned," Levy said, playing with the hem of her boy shorts lightly.

Lucy pat Juvia's bare shoulder, marveling at how pale the woman was. "Don't worry. We'll get you a new phone soon!"

"It would not be the same," Juvia said solemnly, her eyes filling with tears. Jeez, the girl really loved her phone. "It was the phone in which Juvia discovered Gray-sama had the same brand..."

Lucy still had no idea who 'Gray-sama' was, but she long since decided she'd stay out of her love-life.

The long-haired bluenette sniffled. "Juvia would like to hold a funeral for Ice Make-kun." Right, that was what she named her phone.

"Juvia..." Lucy started.

"I don't think..." Levy continued.

"It's a phone," Cana ended with a deadpan.

 _"Juvia would like to hold a funeral for Ice Make-kun,"_ she repeated.

Lucy sighed. "Okay, okay. We'll hold a funeral for Ice Make...kun. He will be sorely missed."

"Agreed...?" Levy questioned.

"Not really," Cana smirked. Juvia glared.

"Until Juvia gets a new cellular device, Lucy-san, Levy-san, Erza-san and Cana-san are to not use their phones."

"Okay now that's too much!" Levy.

"I have a job and an overprotective father to deal with, who Erza also works for!" Lucy.

"How am I going to send my nudes?" Cana.

" _Levy-san, Lucy-san, Erza-san and Cana-san are to not use their phones in Juvia's presence!"_

They all sighed. "Fine."

"Whatever."

"You got me fucked."

" _Cana-san!_ "

"Jeez, okay! Fine!"

Right on cue, all three of their phones bleeped with incoming messages.

 _"Really?!"  
_...

Lucy awoke to the sound of something ringing repeatedly. It only paused for all of two seconds, before ringing again with a vengeance.

Lucy's shot out from underneath her pillow and slapped her alarm clock off of the nightstand. It dropped to the floor with a loud clatter, and the ringing stopped. Relief coursed through her veins as her body sagged further into the fluffy mattress.

 _The ringing started again._

After throwing her famous hissy fit, Lucy deduced that the ringing originated from her phone, and they were text messages. A few calls. And they all came from Natsu.

Right. He said he'd spam her phone if she didn't answer.

She hadn't answered.

Running her slender fingers through her hair, Lucy sighed and flipped open her phone. 16 unread messages and 3 missed calls.

God. Dammit.

 **From: Nasty-kun  
** **Received: 9:04 AM  
** **Message: Wake up, Teach! What time you wanna meet?**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:09 AM  
Message: Oh I see. Ignoring me, aren't ya?  
**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:10 AM  
Message: Well I will have you know that I can go on forever with this**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:10 AM  
Message: I'm just gonna keep spamming you until you respond  
**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:11 AM  
Message: Then your phone's gonna break**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:11 AM  
Message: Then what would you do, huh?  
**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:12 AM  
Message: Nothin**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:13 AM  
Message: That's what you would do. Nothin**

 **Missed Call: Nasty-kun**

 **Missed Call(2): Nasty-kun**

 **Missed Call(3): Nasty-kun**

She didn't feel like going through the rest of the messages, so Lucy just sighed and opened a new message.

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 9:46 AM  
** **Message: I just love waking up to see some man spam my phone with useless messages.**

Lucy let out a large yawn and made her way to the bathroom. Brushing her teeth felt like a chore due to her rude awakening, but she carried it out nonetheless. When Lucy looked back in her room and saw the second bed rumpled yet well made, Lucy deduced Erza had returned home last night. What time? Lucy had no clue.

She threw on a form fitting t-shirt and sweatpants before making her way out to the living room, checking her phone periodically to see if she had received a message from Natsu. A glance at the couch told Lucy that Levy had spent the night, for the little bluenette was curled up on the sofabed, snoring away. Lucy smiled softly.

Levy lived nearby, in a small condo next to her job at a museum. She was one of the guides, impressing the manager and tourists with her vast knowledge on certain historical figures. When Lucy had visited, she was surprised to see so many people following her around, listening to her with rapt attention, even that one pierced guy with spiky black hair. He seemed to be watching her closely, more so than the others, and Lucy immediately became suspicious of the fellow.

But more on that later.

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 9:57 AM  
Message: And I just love doing the spamming**

Lucy smiled as she made her way to the kitchen, preparing to fix up a quick breakfast for her roommates and occasional moocher.

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 9:59 AM  
** **Message: I'm surprised to see my phone still working at all. Congratulations, you don't have to face my foot.**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 10:00 AM  
Message: Dammit. I was hoping to see some leg**

Lucy shook her head with a small smile, taking out the batter, getting ready to whip up some good pancakes before Levy, Juvia, and Cana could wake up. Erza was most likely at work already, but maybe Lucy could prepare a small lunch for her in case she came back during the day? The blonde nodded her head at the plan and got to work.

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 10:12 AM  
** **Message: Please, I'm sure you see a lot of leg from the sheer amount of provocatively dressed women at your job.**

Lucy's phone buzzed with a call. **Nasty-kun**. She answered immediately.

 _"I will have you know that those legs don't count."_

"They're legs nonetheless. Long, smooth legs that flex when a woman walks."

 _"They're not your legs though."_

"What's so special about my legs?"

Wait...were they...flirting?

 _"Dunno. I just like your legs better."_

"Sexual harassment."

He laughed, and Lucy smiled as she poured the batter into the hot pan for the second pancake. _"What're you making?"_

"Pancakes."

 _"You ever wonder why they call pancakes a breakfast when cake itself is a dessert?"_

"No, can't say that I have," Lucy chuckled. "Check _Goggle_ for the results, Natsu."

"You know Natsu?"

Lucy spun around to see Levy and Cana standing in the kitchen. Her mouth dropped open as her eyes flicked between her friends.

"Wait...Isn't Natsu the name of the stripper we went to see?" Cana asked, a wide grin on her tanned face. "Well, well, well."

...Shit.

* * *

1\. If you haven't noticed, all of the chapter titles are song titles or lyrics. I don't own any of them (or FT), and they really have nothing to do with the chapter. I just really like those songs and the name fits what's in the chapter.

2\. Now my Dad's a 6'4 heavy guy, like 330 lbs of pure muscle and some fat in there somewhere. He taught me kickboxing when I was a young lass still pissing the bed. He knows three forms of martial arts, has a bone-chilling mean mug, and his bicep is the size of my damn head. His hobby is baking cakes and being his dear daughter's teddy bear.

3\. Aniki is about 5'11 and made of toned muscle, maybe 180 lbs. When my dad taught me kickboxing, he was teaching Dev Muay Thai. His face is...eh. Not scarier than Dad's but still menacing nonetheless.

4\. Imagine my surprise when I wake up on my birthday (thank you to all who wished me Happy B-day) to two very heavy bitches flopping on me like I'm some damn trampoline. I punched Dev and threw Dad off of me, and they had the _nerve_ to look at me like 'where'd you learn to do that? When did you get so strong?' You Dad. I learned that shit from you.

5\. Kay. Chapter. Not much to explain except that I really like writing Natsu and Lucy together. It's fun. They're cute. And I'm funny. If there's something I'm missing, let me know so I can address it properly. And this chapter is mostly filler, but know I don't put stuff in there without a reason. It may seem like humor and filler, but it's vital to the story in some way.

6\. Subtlety. My favorite method of surprise.

7\. Spot the manga references? Yeah you did.

8\. Y'all ever look at generic brand cereal in your house like 'get the hell out ya nasty'?

9\. Get it? Levy-heichou? SnK reference? When I first started watching/reading the manga/anime, I kept pronouncing Levi as Levy. Still do sometimes.

10\. Let me know in a review which you like more, puppies or kittens. I'm a dog girl, so I'm saying puppies.

11\. Also I made a tumblr! **slightly-write** is my little url thingy. Anyone out there that has one, how about you follow me and we can talk on there? I'm all about making friends. Who knows, you all may get sneak peeks into this frantic little mind of mine and see some story ideas that I have planned.

12\. You don't have to, I would just really appreciate it. *does the puppy dog eyes*


	8. Chapter 7

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 7: Tell Me xX_**

* * *

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 2:47 PM  
** **Message: Rain check on our tea. I have some business to take care of.**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 2:48 PM  
Message: Aw, seriously? Well I guess it can't be helped. You are a busy woman**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Received: 2:49 PM  
Message: Sorry, but don't worry. I'll see you tonight, we have some things to discuss -.-**

Lucy shoved her phone in her purse after she made sure it was on silent. The hospital didn't allow phone calls on the premises, and Lucy always followed the rules when she came by. Since it was so often she was here.

She avoided Levy and Cana's interrogation that morning when she had received a call from her father, saying she was wanted at the hospital. She didn't know whether to be grateful or worried.

Her mother, Layla, had always been in and out of the hospital since Lucy was nine years old. She had a very strong body when she had given birth to the blonde, but as time went on, her body grew weaker and she had contracted multiple unknown diseases. Her immune system was failing, she was forced to take plenty of medicine, and she had recently lost her second leg.

No one had known when Layla's health had started deteriorating so gradually, the former model for _Heart and Feel Your Love_ merchandise was a real spitfire when she wanted to be. But people suspected it happened after she was forced to have her first leg amputated.

The woman who had done her pedicure wasn't careful enough, and had nicked Layla's big toe. Her mother hadn't known it until it was too late, and had contracted gangrene due to her diabetes. First it was the big toe, but it had spread further than that, forcing them to cut off the entire foot.

Still too late, and then they removed half of her shin, but it wasn't enough. Finally - _finally_ \- it had stopped spreading when they cut just under the knee. It hurt Lucy and Jude to think that the life of their family had to go through so much surgery to stop something that could've been prevented if the nail artist had been more careful, but they refused to pin the blame on her. She may have indirectly started a series of events, but it wasn't her fault.

Lucy sighed as she made her way through the hallways of the hospital. She had been so caught up in everything else, that she had completely forgotten to check up on her mother. Layla had just gotten her other leg amputated, but Lucy was too busy being trapped in Natsu to call her. Immediately, the blonde felt horrible.

Friends were nice, but her family came first. Her mother came first.

The teacher spotted her father standing outside of her mother's hospital room, arms crossed and scowl in place. Lucy smiled softly at the familiar image, letting out a short, shrill whistle to let the man know she was approaching, so as to not startle him.

His face lit up like lights on Christmas evening.

"Lucy!" he shouted, earning hushes from the nurses. He winced in apology and turned to face his daughter with open arms.

Jude was definitely an...imposing figure. Towering over her form with a hard face, pressed with stress lines from work, his smile was contagious. The man was threatening and intimidating when he wanted to be - at work - but he always smiled just a little bit for his lovely daughter.

Lucy stepped into his arms, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Hi, Daddy."

"How is my little girl? You haven't called in a long time."

The teacher winced. "Is that so? I thought I called last week?"

"You did, but we want to see you more. Your mother has missed you dearly."

"Is she okay? How's she feeling?"

Jude gestured to the door. "Ask her yourself."

Was it weird that she was nervous to walk into the room? Was it weird she was nervous to see her mother? It wasn't like she was mentally unstable, quite the opposite actually. Layla's mental state was perfectly fine for one who suffered from many known and unknown sicknesses. Lucy just felt like...like she wasn't ready to see the change she knew her mother had went through.

For Pete's sake, the woman had no legs!

The teacher shook her head to banish her worries. Legs or no, insane or no, Layla was still her mother. The woman who had devoted her time and bestowed her love and affection on her daughter. Lucy loved her until the end of time, and would support her through this hard time.

The blonde walked in and smiled at the figure on the bed.

Her mother looked malnourished and pale, but she still managed to force a genuine smile on her face when her daughter approached. Lucy could see her hair falling out, being replaced with sores instead. It hurt. Her mother always had such beautiful hair. Her once thin, toned arms, now looked like bone with skin and a little meat on it. Lucy's eyes travelled down to the end of the bed.

No toes...

Her eyes burned.

"Hey Mama," the teacher greeted, smiling. Her lip wobbled.

"I ate today! And it stayed down!" her mother beamed.

Leave it to Layla to be excited about something that...should happen normally.

"You did? Finally! I bet the food here can't be good," Lucy said, as her father pulled up a chair behind her, allowing her to take a seat. He walked to the other side of the bed and took a seat there, grabbing Layla's hand.

"You know it isn't," the former model groaned. "I've never craved chocolate more than I do when I'm in here."

Lucy chuckled and reached in her purse, pulling out a king size chocolate bar and holding it towards Layla. "This is my emergency stash," she said, "savor it."

"You're trying to make me sicker than I am?" her mother joked. "Bad girl."

"Not trying to make you sicker," the teacher smirked and pulled out a bag of gummy bears. They were her mother's weakness, so she had stopped at the store to buy them for her. "Just trying to make you feel better. I think the food is making you worse."

"You're not wrong," Layla laughed, reaching out to grab the bag of gummy bears, hugging it to her chest. Jude glared at Lucy before smiling and shaking his head.

"How are you feeling?" daughter asked mother. Their eyes dropped down to her legs, and Layla removed the blankets, revealing her bandaged and unbandaged nubs.

Lucy stared, her eyes unreadable.

Layla grabbed her hand. "It doesn't hurt as much right now. The morphine is doing its job. I asked the doctor beforehand if they could cut it at the same height as my other leg, and I think it's pretty even. Don't you?"

Lucy swallowed and nodded. "I-It's pretty even...The bandages make it seem bigger than it is."

"Right?" Layla smiled and tugged the bandages softly. "It's really hot underneath, but the nurses can't take it off yet. Says I'll get an infection." She pouted. "Stupid immune system, not working hard enough."

Lucy...hated it when her mother deflected her pain with humor. She hated it when her mother hid her sadness from her.

She understood her mother didn't want her to worry, neither did her father, but Lucy understood the gravity of the situation! She knew when her mother wanted to cry, she knew when her mother wanted to curl into a ball and just...

Let it all out.

So when Lucy looked at her mother's face, Layla Heartfilia's beautiful face. Pale and hollow, sickly, her eyes crinkled at the corners as she stretched her fake - _fake_ \- smile to limit, Lucy knew.

She knew that Layla Heartfilia, former model, husband to Jude Heartfilia, mother of Lucy Heartfilia, diabetic, double amputee, dying woman...

Wanted it all to be over.  
...

Once again, the club was bustling with activity. The smell was a mixture between alcohol, sweat, and cheap perfume.

In other words, women at their finest.

Lucy pushed through the crowd of people, her cheeks flushing as she watched a blonde stripper - same one from the first night, Jackal was his name, she thought - roll his body provocatively. He made a 'come hither' gesture with his hand, and the women screamed, damn there causing Lucy to go deaf.

It seemed the female voice box could be louder than a stereo on it highest setting.

Shaking her head and wriggling her way in between two busty women - did they have their hands under their _skirts_? - she made her way to the front of the stage. Her palms slapped on the floor of the platform as women screamed and pushed her in order to get closer to the man. The blonde glared at the people around her.

That Jackal guy was different from Natsu by a lot. Not just in looks - were those tattoos on his face? - but also in his way of performing.

Jackal dominated his audience. He moved powerfully, grinned cockily, oozed masculinity. When he swiveled his hips, his range was wide, his body didn't flow, his moves were sharp - urgent? His hands were everywhere, but he didn't seem to be really _feeling_ himself, enjoying.

The look in his eyes were predatory, telling the audience that he could _eat them whole_ if he wanted. His smirk was attractive, but something in it made Lucy shudder. And not in the good way.

They locked eyes for all of one second, her chocolate eyes widening, his narrowing. _Predator_.

She quickly dug into her purse, pulling out a five and fifty dollar bill. The blonde woman thrust the five at him, keeping her eyes locked on the stage floor with a hot, hot face.

Jackal sauntered - _sauntered_ \- towards her, crouching lowly in her face. His legs were spread wide, letting her see the impressive 'package' outlined by his skimpy bottoms.

Huh. Western Rodeo theme tonight, Lucy supposed.

Almost as if he was mocking her, his hand brushed against hers as he reached for the fifty in her other hand.

Uhm. No. The five was for him, the fifty was for Natsu.

She pulled the fifty back, lifting a glare towards him.

"Back off," she mouthed, pushing the five his way.

He laughed, actually _laughed_ , right in the middle of his performance! At her!

He snatched the five away, giving her a wink and moving back towards the center of stage. Lucy furrowed her eyebrows.

What was that all about?

A full twenty minutes had passed until Natsu had stepped on the stage. Twenty minutes of Lucy having to endure getting her hair pulled by accident. Twenty minutes of having unfamiliar, eager women elbowing her in the back, ribcage, boobs, wherever they could reach. Twenty minutes of hearing women scream in her ears as each entertainer stepped on the stage and twisted in ways that made Lucy think they should probably consult a chiropractor after they were done.

After twenty minutes of all that _bullshit_ , the blonde had never felt so exhausted.

When Natsu had walked on stage, wearing his cowboy hat, vest, pants, and boots, Lucy's heart started racing and the women around her sounded like they were having orgasms just by _looking_ at him.

Of course - _of course_ \- the beige pants were wrapped around his legs tighter than a surgical glove, emphasizing every line of his lower body. The vest wasn't closed all the way, giving a peek of the godly body underneath, but not too much of a show. His pink bangs peeked out from underneath the hat as he smirked, giving the illusion of a seductive cowboy.

The teacher was never really into cowboys, but Natsu had changed her opinion of them in one damn second.

The music started and she felt the breath leave her lungs.

He was _so_ much different Jackal.

He wasn't dominate, possessive in his movements. He wasn't sharp, he wasn't like a tiger ready pounce.

Natsu was...silky. He flowed, rolled, moved steadily. He didn't rush his movements. He didn't look urgent. He teased, flashing a little bit of skin on his chest, before closing the flap, and opening it again. He dangled a fish in front of bears, and pulled it away before they could latch their teeth onto the prize. He taunted, beckoning the women, but silently telling them to wait. He effortlessly rose the tension, the anticipation. He made the women work, and wait for the main dish.

His hands never touched what was covered, but he got awfully close. It was a subtle meaning, he wouldn't touch they wanted until _he_ was ready to touch it.

Lucy took in a shaky breath.

His fingers rubbed his body - she had a thing for hands apparently - and, unlike Jackal, he really _felt_ himself. Like he was getting to know his body just like the women around him. He felt his body, every delicious inch of tanned skin, and he _enjoyed_ it. Running his hands over his pectorals and abdominals slowly, feeling his hands rise and fall with every bump they passed over.

Lucy was enraptured, not by his movements, but by his eyes.

He had _fun_. He looked genuinely happy to be doing what he was doing. Genuinely happy that he was entertaining women. His energetic, happy look was what caught Lucy's attention. It was the fact that he didn't look menacing like the bouncer blonde, inquisitive like the reddish brown haired stripper, hungry like Jackal. He looked like he was having a _real good time!_

Lucy smiled.

Natsu's set was ending, and the blonde held the fifty dollar bill in his sights, reaching across the stage as he started walking down to collect the money women were pelting at his feet. His eyes widened at the amount of cash she was holding, before his black eyes lifted to her face.

He smirked.

She grinned.  
...

"You know, private dances don't cost as much as you gave me," Natsu said once they reached his booth. Lucy smiled and turned to face him, taking a seat in the chair as he locked the door.

She was nervous, but not as nervous as she was when she first came in here. She felt she knew Natsu a little better now that they had spent practically a day together.

She still didn't know him, but she knew more than most.

"They don't?" Lucy asked. "Then give me back my money."

"Nah. This is for paying for your ice cream that you threw away when you could've finished it!"

"You said I didn't have to pay!"

"I changed my mind."

Lucy shook her head as he walked over to take a seat on the floor in front of her. Natsu turned on some smooth music, helping her calm her nerves. He wouldn't dance for her unless she really wanted it.

In the back of her mind, she really wanted him to dance for her, but that wasn't what she came for.

Serious talk time.

"You know Levy?" she asked. Lucy was blunt when she wanted to be.

"I met her."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask?"

"Should I have to?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Dead."

Lucy scowled. "How'd you guys meet? Does she know you're a stripper? Do you know anymore of my friends? Are you guys close? Has she seen you on stage?"

"Mutual friend. Yes. Maybe? Sort of. She'd pass out."

If Lucy was a bystander, she'd find this interrogation amusing. But she wasn't on the sidelines, she was the one conducting the interview, and he was being annoying.

"You're talking us in a circle," she said.

"You need to rephrase your questions if you want detailed answers." He grinned and Lucy noticed the fangs peeking out. They looked very sharp, reptilian like, and they suited him oddly enough. They made him look...hot, dangerous.

Lucy cleared her throat, her cheeks growing warm.

"Okay, how exactly did you guys meet? This mutual friend of yours, would I know them?"

"I don't think you'd know him since they aren't dating, but from I've seen, they really like each other. If only Gajeel would pull his head out of his ass and quit wearing it as a hat, they'd get somewhere. It's fucking embarrassing."

Lucy barked out a laugh. She'd have to ask Levy-chan who this Gajeel character was. If he was friends with Natsu, she could only imagine what he acted like. Was he energetic like his buddy? Or was he calm? Was he smarter? What did he do for a living? She wanted to know.

Levy deserved only the best in Lucy's eyes.

"How do you know Levy?" Natsu asked, leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees. He could almost see up her skirt, and Lucy crossed her legs to prevent that.

"Met at a bookstore-"

"Boring."

"Ass."

"Why thank you."

Lucy laughed and shook her head. She watched as he leaned back a little bit, lifting an arm to scratch at the back of his head. She watched the muscles flex and the skin pull. Her mouth dried up and she cleared her throat.

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to you than you give me?" she asked.

"Because there is. I like being mysterious," he grinned.

"I also feel like we've gotten nowhere in this conversation."

"That's all on you. You're the one interrogating me."

"But you're the one avoiding the questions!"

"I'm only leaving it to your imagination. You're smart, put it together yourself."

"Ass."

"Different insult please."

"Jerk."

"Meh. Good enough I guess."

Lucy sighed, wondering why she even came in the first place. Clearly she could've called him and would've gotten the same answers. She had wasted precious sleep time getting vague responses and confusion drilled into her head. The blonde rubbed her temples, feeling a headache forming.

"Why couldn't we hang out today? I was really looking forward to it," Natsu pouted. He sulked like a child, and it was insanely adorable. Lucy felt bad, and immediately tried to console him. Natsu. A grown ass man.

Jesus.

"Things had to be taken care of. I've put it off for a while, and I had to...remedy that." It was a little - _wayyy -_ too early to tell him about her familial issues. Eventually, maybe. But for now, he could just keep wondering. "Don't worry, we can hang out again soon."

"I'm holding you to that promise."

Lucy grinned. "I won't let you down."

* * *

1\. How does one make something happen at the same time as making nothing happen?

2\. By throwing some story in while being seriously vague about everything else.

3\. I'm a piece of shit.

4\. And trash. Both are nasty.

5\. Chapter review! Everything wrong with Layla can actually happen, I would know. It happened to my own mother. Gangrene can rot the skin and cause infections. It spreads and leads to amputations. My mother had to have surgery on her leg four times before finally getting it to stop spreading. She contracted it again on her other leg and was forced to have that amputated as well. Seek medical help, Gangrene is no joke.

6\. I realize Jackal is not a dragon slayer, but for the sake of the story, he is a 'Dragon'. Hush and deal with it.

7\. To be completely honest, I was lazy and tired while typing this chapter, hence the boringness and angstyness of it. There's non-detailed stripping if that makes up for it? No? Well shit.

8\. Since I dun screwed up with this chapter, how about an earlier update? With more humor? I like that idea.

9\. I'm doing it! Thanks Shia for your words of encouragement.

10\. And I would've updated earlier, but mi primo died about two weeks ago. I've been grieving and demotivated, and I had to attend his funeral and viewing. No fue divertido. R.I.P Omar, se la ha perdido.

11\. So drop a review like the bass in the club. Tell me that we're all friends, because I believe we are. W-We're friends, right? Guys?


	9. Chapter 8

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 8: Come Over xX_**

* * *

Two months.

Two months, three weeks, five days, and seven hours - but who's counting? - had passed, and Lucy still hadn't found herself in Natsu's house.

Now that she had mentioned it, she didn't think he went in her house either.

During the two months, she had found out _a lot_ about the stripper. The main was that he was a major pyromaniac. She had mentioned before that his favorite color was blue because it was the hottest flame? She didn't think much of that until he made her watch a video of a scientist changing the color of fire, then did it himself.

He was...dangerous.

He didn't use a tiny flame on a bunsen burner either. No. The fool literally started a large campfire, pouring lighter fluid on the flame like it was water and making it launch up at least six feet into the air. The laugh he emitted made Lucy question his sanity, as he danced around the flame.

Now Lucy didn't know much about science - she was a history teacher, she didn't need to know that stuff - but she knew he shouldn't have had many of those chemicals in his possession. Copper sulfate for a green flame, magnesium sulfate for a white flame, lithium chloride for pink, strontium chloride for red, borax for light green, and copper chloride for blue - his favorite. He threw them in the flame one after another, seemingly carelessly, but he held himself like he knew what he was doing, which was the only reason why Lucy hadn't called the cops for potential arson.

When she had asked how he got those chemicals, he looked at her like she was stupid.

 _"Are you serious? My Dad owns a firework business remember?"_

She had completely forgotten about that.

She also had found out he had wanted to be a firefighter, and that prompted her to ask, _"If you like fire so much, why do you want to put them out?"_

 _"Because not everyone likes it as much as I do," he answered, twisting open the bottle of magnesium sulfate. "You know I like helping people, and some people really, really hate fire. I love it, but I know the dangers and figured out how to control it. I know how to make it enjoyable." He paused his actions, frowning thoughtfully. "Those types of fires I don't like. They hurt people."_

 _"Well so do these fires," Lucy pointed out, picking up a bottle of lithium chloride. The fire was pink, like his hair, and it was her favorite._

 _"These fires don't!" The blonde looked up at him, his tone almost angered. "These type of fires are small. People know to stay away, they're controlled. House fires and building fires aren't controlled. There are people around them, innocent people who didn't expect to get caught up in it."_

 _Lucy stayed quiet._

 _"It was one of those fires that burned down Fairy Tail, my old orphanage," he continued, popping off the top and pouring some of the powder into his gloved palm, mixing it with some sugar for a spark effect. "I want to stop the bad fires and start the fun ones. You know what I mean?"_

 _It was too simple that it was confusing, but she understood the gist. "Yeah, I get it."_

He had spent the rest of that night teasing and chasing her with a torch. And had burnt her skirt.

Ass.

She had also learned that he was friends with the model Gray Fullbuster, Juvia's current obsession.

No way was she going to introduce them. Juvia would have a heart attack, die, come back to life, rape the model, then die again happy.

That was something Lucy didn't want to have a hand in.

Natsu had also learned a lot about her, but she didn't want to get into that. Too much explaining.

She just wanted to go into Natsu's house.

He had been in her _room_ plenty of times, often sneaking in through her window instead of using the door. More than once, she had come home from work and saw him stretched across her bed. At that point, she would've grabbed a pot and threw it at him.

Because pots did a lot of damage.

For some reason, he never went farther than her room. Coming in and leaving through the tiny window. He was agile and lithe, she had to admit, to be able to fit through the little slot and land on the ground with ease.

Did that come from being a stripper? If so, huh. She may have to try pole dancing one time.

So as he sat in her room, laying on her bed, scarf wrapped around his neck and photo album in hand, Lucy crawled over him, firmly planting her behind on his stomach, thighs astride his ribs.

(She had also found out he was as naive and innocent as a newborn baby. Her provocative nightwear and lingerie drawer did not make him 'hot' in the slightest, much to Lucy's disappointment.)

"You're going to take me to your house tomorrow. And you are going to give me a tour. I am going to meet your dog, and we are going to have fun," she demanded.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to die."

Lucy frowned. "What do you mean?"

Was she imagining it, or was Natsu blushing? She leaned a little closer, trying to see if her eyes were fooling her. He pushed his head further into the pillow and turned to look at the wall.

"My house is dirty..."

"And?"

"Like...really dirty."

"Do you not clean up after your dog?"

"I do!"

"Then I don't see the problem."

The stripper burrowed his face deeper into his scarf, trying to hide his flushed cheeks. Lucy grabbed onto the ends and pulled, choking him. "Why can't I go to your house?!"

It wasn't like she had never been in a dirty house before. Levy's place was a pigsty, papers and books scattered around everywhere. The bluenette could navigate around that mess easily, but Lucy found herself tripping over any and everything.

She remembered cleaning up Levy's place once. The poor guide had threw herself into a tizzy trying to figure out where her favorite novels and important papers were.

When Lucy came back the next day, it was just as messy as before. She swore Levy only did that to piss her off. It worked.

Natsu loosened the scarf from his neck, taking in exaggerated gasping breaths. "You almost killed me!" he yelled.

"At least then I could take the key from your corpse and go inside your house!"

The pinkette frowned. "You really want to see my place, huh?"

"I do. We've been friends for two months and I have yet to see your front door. Don't you think that's a _little_ weird?" Lucy asked, leaning forward and placing her hands next to his head. Unconsciously, his hands came up to rest on her hips. She ignored the heat.

They were close enough to do things like this without it being awkward. In the span of two months, they had gotten closer than she had with any of her other guy friends, including Loke, and they grew up together. Natsu had made it clear he didn't want to be in a relationship, and Lucy had respected his wishes. She herself wasn't ready to jump on another love train, but she couldn't deny that she was attracted to Natsu.

They met when he was taking his clothes off for Pete's sake! Of course she'd be attracted to him if he stripped for her!

But the real question was: was he attracted to her?

Lucy didn't ponder that.

"I don't think it's weird at all," the stripper muttered. Lucy huffed, and a strand of hair fell over her shoulder, tickling his nose. He sneezed. Lucy wiped the spittle from her chest in disgust.

"Is there some reason why I can't go to your place? Besides it being dirty?" she asked.

"Not really..."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's small..."

She couldn't resist joking. "What is? Your man bits?" Lucy grinned.

Natsu huffed. "Hell no. Want proof?" he grinned, and Lucy flushed darkly, smashing a pillow into his face and rolling off of him.

"Don't joke like that, it's weird." And it sent her blood racing.

"You started it!"

"Well I'm finishing it!"

They sat in silence for a moment, Lucy trying to calm her racing heart, and Natsu trying to come up with a valid excuse to keep her away from his home.

If the teacher was completely honest, she felt a bit hurt at the fact that her friend wanted to keep her away from his sanctuary. She, at least, thought they were close enough to where she could visit and he wouldn't mind. Did he not like her that much? Was she the only one that valued their friendship?

Over the course of two months, three weeks, five days and seven hours, he had somehow managed to worm his way into her heart and set a fire there. He had somehow managed to become her best friend, and someone she could trust with almost everything - a girl had her secrets. He had become someone she cherished dearly and never wanted to lose.

And if she hadn't known that Natsu wasn't ready to be in a relationship, she might've tried to pursue him.

He was different from the other guys she hung out with. He wasn't flirting with her, he wasn't an introvert, nor was he one of her father's business associates. He was just...

Normal.

Well, as normal as someone like...that could be.

And yes, she did refer to Natsu as a 'that'.

"You really want to see my house?" she heard Natsu ask. Lucy turned to face him at the resigned tone in his voice.

"I really do," she replied.

"And if I let you come over, you won't judge?"

"Trust me, if I judged you, you would've never gotten my number." He let out a snort at this, making Lucy crack a small smile as she lifted herself on her elbows. "I promise I won't judge. I'll even give you a full tour of this place and maybe my father's mansion when he's not home." She nudged him with her shoulder with a small frown. "Which reminds me, why haven't you ever left my room?"

"Because I'm secretly a hermit and bedrooms make me feel safe."

"Har har. Now what's the real reason?"

"I don't like people, and you live with them."

"Liar."

Natsu grinned in that stupid way that made her knees weak, even when she was sitting down. Lucy hid her cheeks under a pillow, her eyes peeking over the top to look at him.

"Story for another day," the stripper said, popping up and flinging himself towards the window. "I'll show you my place on Thursday next week. 5:00. Don't be late or you'll miss your chance to see my beautiful bachelor's pad."

She wanted to protest at the fact that he put in the middle of a school week. She also wanted to say that he didn't have to be a bachelor any longer if he chose a girl. Mavis, everyone knew he could string a girl along just by saying his name and smiling, and they'd be all over him. But most of all, she didn't want him to leave yet. Lucy looked at her clock and saw it was 8:42 in the evening.

On second thought, maybe he should leave. Erza would be leaving work soon and she didn't know the blonde was on speaking terms with the stripper from months back.

Lucy dreaded that conversation.

"I won't be late. Especially if it's the only time I can see your home," the teacher said, grinned. Natsu grinned right back, flinging open the window with way more force than was strictly necessary.

"Text you later?" he asked. Lucy nodded with a smile, giving him a wave before he dropped out of the window, leaving her alone in her room...

For all of three seconds before Cana and Levy came crashing through the door.

Lucy screeched and sat up straight as her roommate and book club buddy rearranged their limbs so they were laying on their stomachs, side-by-side.

"W-What are you guys doing in my room?!" Lucy squeaked, throwing a body pillow at them. Cana caught it with a grin and positioned it so she and Levy weren't messing up their elbows on the floor.

"W-We weren't doing-" Levy started.

"Eavesdropping. We were eavesdropping," Cana said bluntly. "There was a man in here?" She sniffed the air as if she was a dog. "I smell dick."

Lucy didn't even want to know how or why the bartender could smell the male anatomy.

But then again, maybe Natsu just stank.

"M-Man? There wasn't a man in here! You're imagining things!"

"Was it Natsu?" Levy asked, a mischievous grin making its way onto her baby face. "You still hadn't explained how you know him."

Before Lucy could speak - and deny that Natsu was ever in the room - Cana butt in. "Once upon a time, little Levy, there was a teacher named Lucy. She was really hot, with blonde hair, the biggest tits I've laid eyes upon in a while, and had an ass that could kill. Like, she was a bombshell, and she wore a lot of thongs-"

"I do not!"

"But the thing was, little Levy, she wasn't having hot sex-"

 _"Cana!"_

"Her ex-boyfriend - little pansy ass in my eyes - wasn't getting it up anymore, or at least he wasn't getting it up with _her_ anymore. So her lovely friend, we're gonna call her Cana for the time being-"

"Your _name_ is Cana. You're not being very secretive."

"I'm telling a _story_. Anyway, her friend Cana decided to be the greatest friend/roommate ever and take her out to get all hot and bothered. Lord knows Lucy needed to be stimulated. So Cana took her out to a real nice male strip club. And when I say real nice, little Levy, I mean _real nice._ Like there was this hulking blonde stripper who was also the bouncer for the club, and Christ, he was a piece of artwork. Like I wanted to take him to the back and-"

"The _story_ Cana," Levy interjected, giggling lightly.

"Ah right. Yeah well, there was this stripper there that had pink hair. He was good looking, but I wouldn't do him twice. He looked like he wouldn't be able to handle me-"

"Oh my goodness Cana," Lucy chuckled, her cheeks flaming red.

"Yeah anyways, we went, we saw, she left," Cana finished, pointing at Lucy. "The end."

"That...didn't really explain anything," Levy said.

"Juvia was a bit confused," Juvia said, and Lucy wondered where the hell she came from.

"Why don't you start from the beginning, and try to be more specific," Erza said from her place next to Juvia, and everyone looked at the redhead, wondering why they hadn't heard the door open and close. Juvia and Erza had joined Levy and Cana on the floor, all four of them side-by-side on their stomachs.

"When did you get home?" Lucy asked Erza.

"A little bit before Cana mentioned a pink-haired stripper." Erza pinned Levy with a stare. "Is she talking about Natsu?" Levy nodded and Lucy gaped.

"You know Natsu?" the blonde asked.

"I do. He is a very good friend of mine. We were raised in Fairy Tail together."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"You had not asked?

"But don't you think that's something that I should know?"

"I didn't think you two would become friends after he had danced for you. Did you enjoy it? He is well-loved by his customers."

 _"Erza!_ "

The redhead blinked, looking at Levy with confused eyes. "How long have they been on speaking terms?"

"For almost three months," the petite bluenette responded. Cana whistled.

"That's a long time. Damn Lucy, do you get free privates shows? That boy knew how to move!"

"Juvia advises Lucy-san to not spend all of her money on Natsu-san. He is not worth it."

"Says you! You haven't seen him dance!" Juvia didn't respond.

Lucy rubbed her temples, feeling a headache forming at the gossip. She had _hoped_ she could avoid talking to her friends about this, and she had _hoped_ she could introduce Natsu to them normally.

Apparently she didn't need to, since they already freaking knew him.

Why was she the only one who was left out?

"He asked for my number after the private session was done," Lucy said, making her friends quiet their conversation. "I gave it to him, and we've been talking ever since."

"Are you pursuing a relationship with him?" Erza asked, everyone turned to look at her.

"Shit, I would," Cana muttered.

"No. Right now, we're just friends. I won't lie and say I'm not _extremely_ attracted to him, because I am. But he doesn't want a relationship, and neither do I," Lucy told them, crossing her legs and arms.

Levy looked at Erza. Erza looked at Levy. Cana smirked at Erza. Levy glanced at Lucy. Lucy stared at Cana. Cana waggled her eyebrows at Lucy. Erza poked Juvia. Juvia watched the ceiling. The ceiling watched back. Juvia looked at Levy. Levy nodded and looked at Cana. Lucy blinked at Juvia. Juvia nodded at Erza. They all looked at Lucy.

"Alright, alright," Erza started. "It's all fine with us. You should invite him over and we will all have dinner."

"Juvia does not want to have this man visit. She would rather invite Gray-sama."

Lucy refused to mention that Natsu _knew_ this Gray-sama. "One day. Just not now. We're still trying to figure each other out."

"Fair enough," the secretary said, pushing herself to stand. "When you two are closer, be sure to have him stop by. I feel as though we haven't spoken in ages."

Lucy smiled, tucking her chin to her chest. "Will do."

* * *

1\. I want to write stripping. I will write stripping. Eventually. Give it time. Just not now.

2\. Of course, when I want to update, my WiFi shuts off -.-

3\. It's always so damn cold in my house, so whenever I'm alone, I like to turn up the heat. By the time Aniki and Dad come back, it always feels a little warmer than what they like, and they cut it back down to 62 degrees. 62, guys. Like why? I'm just a piece of trash trying to stay warm dammit!

4\. It's a constant battle between us. They cut it down, I sneak out of my room and turn it back up. They stomp out of their rooms and turn it back down. I tiptoe of my room to cut it back up. Then we yell at each other. Fun times.

5\. *rolls over and throws a blanket over her head* Noooo. Chapteeerrr. I miss stripping! Plot, go away so I can type half naked men! And also time skip because I felt like it. Not everything happens in three days!

6\. I take the best selfies with a blanket, I swear.

7\. So I met this one weirdo who likes taking cold showers. I call him a weirdo because cold showers? Really? What level of Hell did you spawn out of to like cold showers? Ew.

8\. I live in Arizona and I don't even take cold showers.

9\. Leave an review and tell me if cold showers are a thing. Because Jesus Christ why?


	10. Chapter 9

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 ** _Xx Chapter 9: I Don't Mind xX_**

* * *

When Lucy walked in front his house on Thursday at exactly five o'clock like he told her, she half expected him to be out and about, forgetting that he had invited her over his place.

Instead, she found herself face to face with possibly the ugliest dog she'd ever seen.

Well...he was so ugly he was cute.

Natsu stood off to the side as Lucy crouched down in front of his pet, Happy. The stripper looked almost nervous, as if meeting his dog was just as important as meeting his parents. Was this...thing really that special?

Lucy stuck her hand out and watched as the little chihuahua waddled his way towards her, little nails clicking across the hardwood floor. The first thing she noticed was that the dog was blue. Like, really blue. He was sort of a sky blue, if she wanted to be specific. The second thing she noticed was that he smelled strongly of fish. It permeated his fur, and, to be honest, it stank.

Natsu really wasn't lying when he said his dog ate fish...That, or he rolled around in it for fun.

The third thing she noticed about the pet was that he had really, really wide eyes. They popped out, giving him an almost constant expression of surprise.

And he barked like he was saying 'aye'. It was really...weird.

"So what do you think? Of Happy I mean," Natsu said, causing Lucy's attention to switch to him.

"Does he...does he always look like this?" Lucy asked before clamping her mouth shut. Of course he always looked like that. It was his face, and he couldn't change it. But those eyes...

They creeped her out.

But he was cute in his own way, she supposed.

Natsu shifted, looking slightly uneasy. "Well duh. He doesn't always smell like that though. I fed him before you got here so he wouldn't annoy you too much."

"How thoughtful." Lucy picked Happy up, bringing him up to her face. He was light, lighter than her purse, and he was extremely small, her fingers wrapping around and overlapping each other. His tongue lolled and he gave a little doggy smile, letting out an 'aye', or, in other words, a bark.

"Huh, he likes you," Natsu said, grinning.

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "How can you tell?"

"Well he hasn't bit you yet, that's a start." Lucy let out a soft chuckle. "And he actually let you pick him up. Usually he'll bark and sprint around the house when he sees someone new. You should of seen him when he first met Gray! Happy ran around the house faster than an Olympic track star, barking and shitting all over the place."

"Why does he not have control over his bowels?"

"Oh, he has complete control. He just likes to irritate me and make me look bad in front of my friends."

"Do I need to worry about my shoes?"

"Nah. He won't try anything since he likes you. He wants to make himself look good." Natsu pet Happy's head affectionately, looking at ease. Lucy briefly entertained the thought that maybe he was worried about Happy not liking _her_ instead of her not liking him. When she thought about it, she realized it made a lot of sense considering it was Natsu.

"Is he the reason why you didn't want to invite me over?" the teacher asked.

"Mostly," he answered, taking Happy from her arms. At some point, the dog had cuddled up to her chest, firmly planting his nose in her exposed cleavage. "Didn't know if he was going to like you or not. If he did, you were going to be allowed in. If not, you weren't going to be allowed over again."

"You really based my visit off of a hyperactive dog?" Of course she was right. This was Natsu she was talking about.

"Yep. But you don't need to worry anymore," he said, putting Happy on the floor, letting the dog waddle further into the house. Natsu opened his front door further and revealed the front hallway, gesturing for her to enter at her own will. "You passed the test. I have granted access."

"You said he was mostly the reason? What's the other half, aside from the dirty house?" Lucy asked, removing her shoes and sliding on the slippers he had prepared for her. "Which you lied about, seeing as how I don't see a lick of dust so far."

Natsu frowned, and ran a hand through his hair, ruining it further. He looked relaxed in his gray sweatpants, blue t-shirt and ever-present scarf. Lucy felt like she was overdressed in her work slacks and white button up, but in her defense, she had come straight from the school and to his house.

She had released a few buttons in an attempt to look more casual and nonchalant, but compared to him, she still felt formal.

Lucy followed him down the narrow hallway, filled with photos everywhere, and into the living room as he spoke. "I have a lot of people over sometimes."

"Women?"

"Hell no. They judge too much."

"What about me?"

"You promised me you wouldn't, which is the only reason you're here now."

"Glad to know it isn't because I'm your best friend or anything. That'd be super awkward," she said dryly as Natsu grinned.

Her eyes took in his place. True to his word, his house was small, smaller than what she was used to. But she didn't feel cramped. In fact, she felt quite cozy. His house had a warm atmosphere to it, like every and anyone was welcome inside his comfortable abode.

Small little knickknacks littered the place, were scattered across the house like a odd puzzle, surprisingly fitting well with the design and Natsu's own personality. Of course there was a fireplace on the rightmost wall, and small figurines were placed upon it. A dragon statue on one side, and an ominous looking gargoyle on the other. In the space between was a collection of snowglobes, three photos and a pendulum, which caught Lucy by surprise.

Red drapes hung in front of the two windows, blocking out the harsh sun. A brown leather sofa sat on the wall they were facing, and Lucy could see more pictures hung up above it, at least five. She didn't see Natsu as a potted plant type of guy, but lo and behold, a tall leafy plant sat in every corner of the walls, and a small cactus sat each of the window sills. A large TV was mounted on the wall above the fireplace, and Lucy walked up to it.

"You watch TV?" she asked, running her hand along the bottom.

Natsu shrugged, watching as she grabbed one of his many snowglobes and shook it. "Sometimes. I'm hardly home when I want to, and I'm always home when I'm not in the mood for it."

"First world problems," she muttered, her eyes running over the pictures in the frame. There was one with Natsu when he looked about seven years old. He was holding a large paper with a wide grin, and was standing next to a man whose hair was almost as pink as his. "Your Dad?" she asked.

"Adoptive Dad. Name's Igneel, and he got me when I was eight."

So she was a year off. Lucy looked at this 'Igneel' character. He wore a wide smile, sharp fangs peeking out from underneath his lips. "You look surprisingly like him. Same hair and all."

"I hear that a lot. It makes it seem like he's my real dad, thank Mavis."

"Where's he now? Your real Dad that is?"

"Dunno. Don't care."

She didn't imagine the bitter tone he used, and Lucy glanced back at him to see his brow furrowed, scowl on his face. Oh, how she was curious, but she refused to pry. "This Igneel, is he married?"

"He is," Natsu said, and Lucy was pleased to hear his light tone was back, speaking of him almost fondly. "To a woman named Reika. She's a bit of a snob, but she's cool. Igneel really likes her. He comes over a lot and spends the night like he doesn't have his own house. He leaves Reika alone most of the time since she works for the government."

"What does she do?"

"Can't say. Government shit."

"Understandable."

Lucy smiled and walked inside the kitchen. It was simple enough to where she didn't have much to see. White counters, black fridge, gray stove, another potted plant, and a light brown table with four chairs. It was strangely modern and less warm than his living room. She walked over to his bedroom, opening the door to see inside, Natsu trailing behind her.

There was a stripper pole.

She closed the door.

"Do I want to know?"

"I had it installed to see what it was like to be a girl stripper," he explained, ignoring the fact that she didn't ask what it was for. "Shit is hard to use."

"You've tried?"

"Yeah. I'm not gonna let it sit there for nothing. It's a good workout."

"Do you-" Lucy swallowed, not believing what she was about to ask. "Do you know how to use it? Like any tricks?"

He grinned. "Wanna see?"

Lucy wasn't sure if she should agree.

On one hand, she could get her best friend to perform for her, free of charge. She was always amazed when she saw Natsu dance. He moved smoothly and it was easy on the eyes, unlike some of the other performers, who moved with grace, but were very aggressive with their performances.

On the other hand, it was her best friend...and...he was... what could she say that would make this seem like a bad idea?

Whatever.

"Sure," the teacher said, pushing the door open to reveal his room.

She shouldn't have been surprised to see his comforter was blue adorned with orange flames because _of course_ it was blue with orange flames. Lucy held back an eyeroll as she scanned the room. A stereo, more photos - he was pretty damn photogenic - dresser, nightstand, a bathroom, all of the essentials one needed in a bedroom. It was simple and once again, strangely Natsu.

Another potted plant as well.

What was up with him and plants?

One generally didn't put potted plants in a bedroom, did they?

"You really like plants," Lucy blurted, moving to sit on his bed, her eyes still on the mini tree.

Natsu looked at the plant as well, standing in front of the pole with a thoughtful look. "Why the hell do I have that in here?"

"You don't know?"

He shook his head. "Now that I think about it, I have a lot of those everywhere. There's like two or three in each bathroom too. And I think about two more in Igneel's room and the guest bedroom."

"Two bathrooms, three bedroom?"

"Yep."

"Nice house. Too bad it's filled with _plants_."

"When you have money, you want to buy everything." He shrugged. "Guess I really wanted to buy plants."

"Weirdo."

"You're one to talk." Natsu chuckled and Lucy shook her head with a smile.

She didn't even know there was such thing as a large stereo that worked via bluetooth. She probably should've known that, but she was significantly surprised to see him pull out his phone and start playing music.

"Woah," she breathed.

"Technology," he mocked, causing her to glare in his direction.

Tossing his phone towards her - she fumbled to catch it - his hands stripped off his shirt and latched onto the metal pole, hefting himself upwards.

Now Lucy had seen some shit in her lifetime. She had taken pole dancing classes in order to impress many of her boyfriends in the bedroom a while back (so long ago she had forgotten). She had watched videos on how to move on the pole with ease and found out it was mostly upper body strength, strength she did not have. She liked to think she was a pretty good pole dancer, should she decide to go down that route.

But Natsu...Hot damn.

Since he had the muscles she did not, he held on with ease. One arm higher than the other, fingers clenched, arms straining, he pulled a leg to wrap around the pole in a show of flexibility many men did not possess. Even though his legs were in an obtuse angle, stretched as far as they could go, it still seemed so wide.

His body spun slowly with the music as he swung his legs away from the pole to land on the floor, not wasting any time before springing back up. The movements were linked together so smoothly, Lucy felt like she was watching a ribbon. His body twisted, molding around the metal so effortlessly. His stomach flexed and bunched with each movement, and her eyes were glued to it. The music played in the background, and she noticed he had picked a classical piece.

The opening of Beethoven's _Moonlight Sonata_ was slow, almost gloomy in its pace, but Natsu made it work with his performance. Legs gripping the pole, body stretched tautly, hands feeling and roaming, Lucy stared in awe as he spun to the beat. Somehow - _somehow_ \- he made this piece sound strangely sensual.

Maybe because it was taking place in his bedroom, but she couldn't be sure.

She could see his grin, she could see the teasing glint in his eyes, and the blonde found herself blushing as he slid down the pole to his feet again, prancing around the pole and grabbing it, flipping himself into an impressive twist, his legs flying up to wrap around the metal again while, of course, spinning. She didn't know if it was because it looked better, or if he really enjoyed spinning.

"You're really good at this," she breathed while he worked his magic. The teacher could feel her palms sweating and her heart racing.

"I know right?" Natsu grinned, somehow ending upside down, leveling his bare chest in her sights. "Trust me, it wasn't easy."

"It's like an art," Lucy commented, moving to stand up. "You move with so much grace, it makes me envious."

"I wish Igneel told me that. When he saw me practicing, he pulled me into the kitchen and kept asking me if there was something I needed to tell him. He thought I was gay for the longest time."

"Are you?"

"Very funny. Wanna try?"

He dropped his body into a crouch along the pole, his feet thumping loudly on the hardwood floor causing Happy to bark distantly from another room. Natsu...barked back before yanking Lucy into a standing position.

Lucy questioned what she was doing with her life.

If someone had told her two months ago that she would be in a male stripper's room holding a stripper pole while he watched her, she would've put them in a mental institution. She was a teacher, and these kind of things weren't tolerated. She was supposed to be a role model for her students who looked up to her. She was supposed to encourage them to become doctors, lawyers, politicians, freaking grave diggers if they wanted, anything except for strippers or prostitutes.

Not that there was anything wrong with them wanting to become such. It was their life, they could do what they wanted with it. Sometimes they needed to do what they needed to do.

But as she moved with her slacks rolled up, stockings pulled down, one leg wrapped around the metal and one stretched far in front of her, cheeks flushed and arms burning, she couldn't help but think she had to be the worst teacher in existence.

Her male students would have a field day if they caught wind of this.

Maybe some of the male teachers as well.

"You're way too tense. Loosen up," Natsu coached.

"If I loosen up, I'll fall flat on my ass!"

"It's cushioned enough so you'd be fine."

"Shut up!"

Mavis help her soul.

"I took pole dancing classes before. I know what to do," she muttered, pulling herself higher on the metal. "Why'd you even install an actual pole? Why didn't you just get one that you could take apart?"

"I never do anything half-assed. I go all in. And mostly it was because I was bored and I wanted to see how girls worked."

Her arms were getting tired, so Lucy fell to the floor ungracefully. She stumbled, grabbing the pole before she toppled over. "So you wasted money on a full stripper pole because you just felt like it?"

Natsu took over, latching onto the pole, his arms far apart as he tensed his muscles and lifted himself, making it seem like he was standing on air. Lucy marveled at the skill and strength he had. "Pretty much. My jobs pay decently."

"You never told me what your second job was," the blonde said, picking at his fingers to try and make him lose his focus. He didn't budge. "I've heard it mentioned, but you've never told me."

"You never asked?"

"Why does everyone do that to me?"

"You always set yourself up for it," the pink-haired man said, swinging his legs forward and gently kicking her away from his fingers. Lucy moved behind him swiftly to poke at his ribs and waist with a grin.

She knew he was ticklish.

Natsu let out a somewhat unmanly squawk as his grip loosened and his body jerked. His legs flailed, and Lucy laughed as he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Happy let loose a string of 'aye's' from the kitchen - where she assumed he was - and she could hear the sound of furious clicking, knowing he was running around somewhere.

Natsu grinned from his place on the floor and yanked Lucy down with him, her torso flopping hard into his lap. She let out an 'oomph' and he folded over her, firmly keeping her in place as she kicked and flailed. His fingers prodded her waistline, and she squealed, enhancing her struggles as she pushed at the floor, laughing loudly.

He was deflecting the question by tickling her.

It was working.

They spent about five minutes rolling along the floor like children, pushing and laughing like idiots. By the time they were done, their cheeks were flushed and they laid side-by-side on the floor, her feet resting on the pole.

"I'm a phone sex operator," Natsu said, breaking the silence.

Lucy's head snapped in his direction.

"You're judging," he frowned.

"N-No. I-I'm not," she stammered. "A p-phone sex operator, you said?"

"You're judging," he repeated.

"And I told you I'm not." Lucy sat up, draping her upper body over his torso as he looked down his nose at her. She could see the apprehension in his eyes, the nervousness, and was that disappointment?

Was he really thinking that she was criticizing him?

If she was completely honest, she was. She was criticizing him, judging him, but not in the way he was thinking. She didn't want something as petty as that to break up their hard formed friendship, cause a rift between them. She slightly disapproved of his profession - both of them - but he had to make a living, and she understood that. A stripper, she could understand. A phone sex operator, not really.

"Why?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound as nonchalant as possible.

Natsu rolled onto his side, making her arm shift until he was tucked into her armpit. He didn't want to look at her. "You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand."

She wanted to know how different the really were. She wanted to know why he worked in the places he worked when he had admitted to wanting to be a firefighter.

She also wanted to know why she wasn't disgusted like her father would've been.

Natsu moved slightly to glance at her, and Lucy smiled slightly, urging him to explain. He sighed. "Everything is expensive. All my other friends have well paying jobs and shit. Gray's a model, Gajeel's a part time construction worker, part time operator, you're a teacher, Erza's a secretary for a high ass company, Jellal's a techie or some shit like that. They all got good jobs and get paid a lot. I had nothing, and I couldn't pay for college to become what I wanted, so I became a stripper." He looked to see if she was still listening. Lucy was, intently.

"When Igneel adopted me," he continued, turning to lay on his back again, and the blonde scooted up and rearranged her arm into a more comfortable position. "He didn't have a lot of money either. His firework business wasn't as successful, and Reika was ass deep in debt from gambling. We struggled, a lot, and they couldn't pay for me as I tried to go to college. I dropped out, waited a few years doing odd jobs and trying to make as much money as possible." At some point, he started playing with a strand of her hair, but Lucy wasn't focusing on that.

This was the first piece of his past she had gotten since they had met.

"That wasn't enough, and around twenty-three, I applied for Majikku and got the job."

"You've been a stripper for three years?"

"Yep. I started working _Pillow Talk_ last year, so it hasn't been that long if you're wondering."

His voice sounded devoid of emotion. She needed to fix that. "So you spent all your money on potted plants?" Lucy asked, grinning.

He chuckled softly, and she smiled. "I guess so, huh. What can I say, I like woods-y things."

The blonde laughed, feeling suddenly closer to the man who had installed a pole in his bedroom.

* * *

1\. Christ save me.

2\. Slightly longer than normal. Have some Nasty past.

3\. Stripper poles are actually really expensive. I saw one that was, like, four hundred US dollars.

4\. It was purple. Or was it pink? Can't remember. It was expensive though.

5\. This chapter is boring. I was struggling while writing it, as you can tell by the lack of detail and humor. Igneel has pink hair because I said so and Reika isn't important, don't worry about her too much. Why is Lucy not pondering her feelings? Because I didn't feel like writing it this chapter. I would, but right now I can't because I'm tired, sick, and I just wanted this chapter to be over.

6\. Two claps for Nasty's stripping skills on three. One, two, three.

7\. I like pendulums. They're fun. I could stare at one for hours.

8\. *knocks on brothers door while his girlfriend is over, holding a box of rice-a-roni*  
Dev: We're having sex!  
Me: *stands there for a second, still staring at the box before walking away*  
Dev: *runs to the door and slams it open* Brooke! Bonnie, I was kidding! Oi, we're fully dressed! *laughs and follows me to the pantry*  
Me: *continues to stare at the box and walks into the garage* I'll just be in here if you need me.

9\. The Fitzgerald family everybody.

10, Guys. We've hopped over 100 reviews? What is this? Are these tears on my face? You have no idea how happy this makes me. I honestly posted this without high expectations, and was pleasantly surprised to see the large response I've received. Thank you so damn much, from the depths of my heart. I really mean it.

11\. Stockings are different from pantyhose, right? Tell me in a review cause I don't fuckin' know. Also, what's your favorite line in this story? I'm curious because mine was back in chapter 1, "the brightest apple in the shed". Still laugh every time I see that.


	11. Chapter 10

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 ** _Xx Chapter 10: Take Me To Church xX_**

* * *

Lucy tapped her pen against her desk, her chin cupped in her hand.

Phone sex operator, huh?

She didn't really know how to feel about that.

She wasn't necessarily disgusted, nor was she weirded out about it, but she wasn't really comfortable with the idea.

Lucy understood that he needed money, for desperate times called for desperate measures, but she wasn't really sure how to digest the information without it making her feel slightly dirty.

Was it because she had went two months without knowing about his 'side job'? Was it because she didn't know much about the profession, and she was worried about his identity being given away? Or was it because it didn't seem like...Natsu?

Perhaps it was all three?

Yeah. It was all three.

Two months was a really long time to go without knowing something about their friend. A really, _really_ long time actually. In his defense - because she couldn't be mad at him without seeing things from his side - it never came up in conversation. Well, it has, but something always came up, and the question was soon forgotten. Either way, she felt slightly hurt that she hadn't known this before.

Maybe because he knew she would judge him or think him disgusting. Which she did not, by the way.

She was shallow, but she wasn't _that_ shallow.

Lucy was also worried about his identity. She didn't know much about phone sex companies, but she knew it was up to the person working to keep their personal information out of the call. She knew that some callers were very persistent about getting as much information about the worker as possible to make the experience more realistic for them. There were also some dangerous people, and they could extract personal facts through subtle methods, and it worried Lucy because Natsu was...he wasn't known for his discreetness. He was blunt, loud, and much like an open book. If someone asked him what he was wearing, he'd tell them. If they asked where he was, he'd spill. If they asked if he had a family, he blurt out how many kids he had.

He wasn't really...secretive, and that posed a big problem for him. He wasn't stupid, but he wasn't smart either.

Lucy sighed.

And the job certainly didn't seem like Natsu in the slightest! Natsu was the opposite of sexy when he was speaking to his friends. He was quite the slob, and he didn't have a sense of style for shit!

He needed to be arrested by the fashion police for wearing that tacky scarf.

Ugh.

Lucy pushed Lena's extra credit assignment away, leaning her head on her desk in thought.

If she were being completely honest, she was half curious to see what he was like when he was working pillow talk.

Lucy covered her mouth to muffle a squeal of embarrassment.

What in Sam's name was she thinking?! This was Natsu! Her best friend who was a stripper! It was bad enough that she knew what his thighs looked like without pants covering them - they were glorious - but listening to him talk dirty on the phone was something completely different!

That'd - that'd make things awkward! She wouldn't be able to talk to him without blushing or remembering his 'sexy' voice.

But...she was curious...really, really curious...

A loud slap on the door resounded through her empty classroom. Lucy yelped and straightened, cheeks redder than a cherry. Her head snapped towards the sound, and her eyes widened when she saw the man who caused her mental breakdowns. Natsu grinned widely and opened the door, stepping inside of the classroom holding a plastic bag.

"What are you doing here? The school day isn't over yet," Lucy asked, placing a cool hand on her heated cheek and the other on her racing heart.

"Erza told me around this time was when you didn't have a class, so I came with food," he replied, lifting the bag in his hand. It smelled divine.

"You didn't have to do that," Lucy said, moving one of the students desks to have him sit. Looking at the clock, she saw she had about forty-five minutes before the classes changed.

"I wanted to. Think of it as a way to get on your good side, since I dropped the phone sex bomb on you four days ago." Natsu smirked, removing a styrofoam container, placing it in front of her. Lucy smiled, and her mouth dropped open when she saw him put three in front of his own person.

How the _hell_ did he even...?

One bite from a meal like this for her and next stop, her thighs.

The blonde grumbled to herself as she split her chopsticks. "If you think I'm upset about the news, I'm really not." Was that _really_ the truth?

"You say that," Natsu said, shoveling half of the rice into his mouth with one bite. His jaw seemed like it just...unhinged, like a snake's. Mavis alive, what the actual hell? "But we haven't hung out since you went to my house."

"We had dinner there, and we talked. Is that not enough? Do we need to hang out everyday?"

He did the thing with his jaw again! Ew! Was he even human? "Well, yeah! That's what best friends do, right?"

"They hang out _sometimes,_ not all the time though. We both have jobs, and actual lives, so we may not have the time to do all that," Lucy explained.

"Well I don't work until midnight, and you finish your day at what, 4:00?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And you start your day at six, and mine ends at seven in the morning."

"How do you know what time-"

"So from four to twelve, which is eight hours, you're not really doing anything right?"

"Natsu, what're you-"

"I'm not doing anything either, and you have all day on the weekends since there isn't school."

"See, why can't you be this smart when it comes to other stuff like managing money or-"

"I don't see why we can't hang out when we're both not busy," he finished, swallowing the rest of the food in his first container before moving onto the next. Lucy shook her head and poked at her rice with a frown.

"Don't you have other people to hang out during that time? I usually have homework and quizzes to grade sometimes," she said, taking a small bite. She really wanted to inhale the meal, but that wasn't ladylike or attractive. Knowing Natsu, he wouldn't care, or he may encourage it. It didn't matter though, she was still a girl, and she was raised to care about appearances. "Why are you so persistent about this?" she asked.

"I like you."

Lucy choked.

She pounded on her chest, scrambling to reach for her bottle of water, popping off the cap and dumping the contents in her mouth. Natsu continued eating contently as she sputtered and gasped, trying to rid the food from her air tube.

Thanks Natsu, she thought, seething. Glad to know he'd care if she'd died.

How could he say something like that so nonchalantly?! How could he say it as if it wouldn't send her into a fit? He knew he was teasing her when he stripped for her, he knew it when he made perverted jokes, he knew it when he mentioned the first time they met. How could he sound so...so oblivious to the obvious attraction she held for him?

He knew, or should've known, that something like that could be taken the wrong way. And yet...and yet...

Lucy's heart was pounding.

 _No._ She wasn't going to have feelings for her friend.

"You do realize if I was a different woman, I could take that in the wrong context," the blonde said, cupping her chin and trying to fight the blush crawling up her neck. "I could think you'd want to start a relationship with me."

Natsu blinked, as if he didn't know someone could interpret it that way, and Lucy sighed as she capped her water. "But you're my friend, you wouldn't want that, would you?"

She didn't respond, only raised an eyebrow.

Natsu furrowed his eyebrows. "I like you better than I like my other friends. You're...different, not annoying like Gray, or strict like Erza, or ugly like Gajeel-"

"You think I'm pretty?" she asked.

"You're decent." He grinned and Lucy threw her bottle at him. "Anyway, all in all, you're just better to hang out with than with them. You're easy to talk to and I don't feel like punching you in the face all the time."

"You better not. I know Judo."

"So you've told me." He swallowed the rest of his lunch and moved onto the third container.

Lucy rested her elbows on her desk, looking at him with a disarming smile. "Well, I like you too. You're a bit of a hassle to handle, but you're pretty cool. That's why I'm not mad about you not telling me about your second job. A little concerned, yes. Upset, no. You have to do what you need to do, and I understand that." Natsu beamed and Lucy laid her hand on his. "We're close, and I wouldn't want to ruin that by avoiding you because of some stupid secret. Just promise me you'll be careful? You're not exactly...quiet about yourself sometimes."

Natsu placed his other hand over hers, giving it a small squeeze before leaning back. "I've been working _Pillow Talk_ for a year. I think I would know how to keep myself out of a conversation."  
...

Which was why Lucy was about to test that theory by giving him a call.

Purely - purely for research purposes of course!

Lucy cleared her throat as she scrolled through the _Pillow Talk_ website, searching for the pink-haired fiend who she had come to recognize a friend.

The first thing she noticed about the website was it was _incessantly_ pink. It wasn't a comfortable pink either. No, it was like a soft pink, with hot pink text and baby pink framing the pictures of the workers.

Lucy never knew there were so many shades of pink until that night.

She also needed to remember to delete her history before she was forced to explain to Cana why she visited the site.

Back to the pinkness.

The blonde scanned her eyes over the names, her cheeks growing warm with every name she read. There was Dennis, there was Garison, there was Clyde, there was Hans, there was Len.

There was...Jake from _State Farm_? Was that a joke?

After that, it descended into exotic nicknames of sort, some of which Lucy didn't even know how to pronounce. She saw one that was simple, but it made her blush the most. _Dick_ , something that was completely normal, an actual name, but it still made her cheeks flush and quickly move on. He was probably the type of person that made crude jokes and didn't filter his words at all.

She definitely wasn't going to call him.

Forget that.

As Lucy scrolled over the names, pictures, and brief descriptions of the workers, she came across a _Black Steel Gajeel_.

Wait...wasn't that Natsu's friend?

Wasn't that also the guy who was also Levy's mutual friend?

Wasn't that also the guy who Lucy thought to be suspicious when he was staring at the guide while she was working?

And didn't Natsu say they were _about to start dating_?

Oh, if Levy thought she was going to get away from an interrogation later, she had another thing coming.

After several minutes of silently fuming and admiring the men on the website - what? Was it wrong to appreciate good looks? - Lucy finally stopped on Natsu's profile picture.

Of _course_ he was wearing that knee weakening grin, and of _course_ he was holding a lighter. Lucy rolled her eyes, even as her heart started to pump just a bit faster.

His information was basic, simply saying he was an energetic person, and he knew how to have a good time. At least that was the gist of it, Lucy thought as she grabbed her landline, punching in the number for five minute session of his 'services'.

P-Purely for research purposes!

Walking over to the door, Lucy twisted the lock and firmly made sure that no one would walk in.

By putting her desk chair underneath the knob.

She could never be too careful.

Taking a deep breath, the blonde made her way to the bed, tossing another glance at the lock to make sure it was _really_ locked. It was, and Lucy almost - _almost_ \- felt secure. Plopping down softly, the teacher regretted every piece of her life as she hit the talk button.

Cue the sweaty palms.

What was she even doing? With her life? With everything in it?

Was she really calling her best friend to listen to him talk dirty over the phone as a part of his job, under the pretense of trying to make sure he didn't give any information away? Was that really what she was trying to do right now?

 _"Hey there, darling,_ " a deep voice said from the other end.

Apparently so.

Blood rushed to her face so damn quickly, the blonde became slightly lightheaded. Though the voice was slightly lower than what Natsu actually sounded like over the phone, she knew it was most definitely him. He probably did it for a panty-wetting effect.

And Holy Hell, did it work.

"H-Hey there..." Lucy said, slightly raising the octave of her voice so as to keep herself unrecognizable. They had spoke on the phone so many times, she was sure he would be able to pick her voice apart from several others while he was asleep. She didn't want to take the chance of him recognizing her, then teasing her later about it.

Lucy could handle a lot of things, but not that.

She heard him chuckle over the phone. _"Shy, aren't you?"_

Was it a common thing among those types of customers? What would he do if she said yes? Did he have a script already planned out in his head as to what he would say to each type of character? Should she pretend to be reserved to see how he would progress the conversation? No. She needed to be assertive!

This was a mission, and she couldn't stutter or trip over her words!

"N-Not really..."

Dammit.

 _"Is that so? You sure sound shy. That, and nervous."_ She could almost picture him grinning, and Lucy flushed again. Just when she thought her face was starting to cool down.

"I'm a little nervous," she said. "But it's nothing I'm not used to. It's just my first time talking to a...professional...?" At least she didn't have to lie about that. She and her past boyfriends would sometimes participate in the traditional phone sex that every couple did at least once. They would trade explicit messages, and interrupt them in the middle of work, but never once did she ever send nude pictures, even if they begged.

She trusted her lovers - big mistake - but not that much.

 _"Don't worry. I'll take good care of you_."

Oh. Mavis.

Lucy shivered - quite violently - at the sound of his voice. It was almost like a purr, or a growl. Whatever it was, it sounded positively animalistic, and she concurred that Natsu was very, _very_ good at his job.

Did he sound like this with all his customers? Lucy ignored the pang in her chest at the thought. Right at this moment, she needed to focus on keeping her heart rate in check.

"W-Will you now?" she whispered. "Are you a doctor or something?" Subtle prying, she was good at that.

 _"Is that what you want me to be? Do you like doctors?"_

Oh, evading the question with a question to help enhance the pleasure for the customers? Lucy nodded to herself, a smirk pulling at her lips. Smart little pyromaniac. "I hate hospitals. Too...clean for my tastes." God, she hoped her voice didn't waver with that comment. She was never good at dirty talk.

 _"Oh? So you're an adventurous type of girl. Does that mean you like firemen?"_

If she had any doubts of the person on the other side not being Natsu before, they were definitely crushed with that comment. "Are you a firefighter?"

 _"Once again, if that's what you want me to be, then that's what I am._ " Lucy bit back a laugh at the thought that if Natsu knew it was her, he'd probably throw an insult in there somewhere. Probably saying something like 'even though she sounded sexy, she should've known the rules', or something like that. The blonde giggled. _"Cute laugh you got there. Do you laugh a lot? Like during sex and all that?"_

Oh Mavis, he jumped right into it huh?

Lucy paused, before a small smile curled her lips. Of course - _of course_ \- he would try to get her to relax before starting. He knew she was nervous at the beginning, and he wanted to lower her guard a bit. Enough to make the caller feel lightened enough so they wouldn't get scared and end the call.

The blonde cupped her chin. He was still a sweetheart, even to strangers on the phone.

But she wasn't there to feel pleasure. She was there to get information out of him.

"I do," she answered. "Laughing and having fun with it makes the nerves calm down, at least in my opinion."

 _"Ah! We agree on that, my dear,"_ he said, and Lucy smiled. _"I like seeing the woman smile as I'm running my hands down her body, whether it be by tickling her or if I'm feeling her smooth, smooth skin."_

Lucy swallowed thickly, her mouth going dry. Or filling with saliva, one of the two. Either way, it was hard to swallow.

 _"Can you see it? What if it were my wandering hands tracing the curve of your hips, breast or legs? What if it was my wandering mouth kissing, licking, sucking every inch of your neck or stomach? Can you see it? Can you feel it?"_

Oh she could feel _something_.The clenching of her stomach. The blood rushing to her face. The fast pace of her heart.

The _awkwardness_ that will be in the air the next day.

"Y-Yeah..." Oh Mavis, her _voice_! Why was it so breathy?!

She heard Natsu hum, and she felt that all the way in her bones. Lucy shivered. _"That's good. How do you think you would feel? Would feel warm all over? Would you be nervous or excited as I crawled on top of you? Would you be wet-"_

Lucy hung up.

She hung up because _she was not ready at all!_

She needed to go to church soon.

* * *

 _1\. Yo. Clyde here, the brother of the author. There will be a lot of "she says" in this after thing because she sent me a text earlier saying to do this._

 _2\. Bonnie says I can say Bonnie. So I said Bonnie. And she said to say she doesn't own Fairy Tail. Of course she doesn't. She can barely draw._

 _3\. She said to put this in list form because that's what you guys are used to? I mean I guess. Whatever. She also says to tell you guys she's sorry for not updating this for a while. The day she was going to update, she was in an accident._

 _4\. She says that she didn't have any chapters prepared, so it'll take some time for the next update. She needs to heal, but that won't stop her from writing because she likes it and she's stubborn. And she calls this story her baby? She's too young to have a kid, and I'll kill the bastard who would try._

 _5\. She says to say something funny after the seriousness, and since I know you'll be reading this as soon you get the email that it's posted Bonnie, fuck you._

 _6\. Don't worry people. Sibling rivalry. Gotta keep it going because she's a lil shit for making me worry like that (don't look too much into it little sister)_

 _7\. She says to review because hospital food is shit and her friends make her feel better. Clyde out_


	12. Chapter 11

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 11: If I Die Young xX_**

* * *

The next day proved to be very, very awkward.

Lucy couldn't look Natsu the eye at all without feeling her cheeks flame. Every time he spoke, she could feel her body heat up, his seductive tone from the previous night ringing in her eyes and bouncing around her mind. All she could picture was him on the phone, possibly just as hot and bothered as she was.

Frankly, it was embarrassing as hell.

Here he was, talking all normally like he did everyday, and she was hyper-aware of every movement he made, oversensitive to his casual touch, practically having an eargasm when she heard the slight, but prominent timbre of his voice.

So when he dropped an arm over her shoulder, sliding his legs in her lap - like he was sliding into someone's private life - and pressing his lips to her ear so he could whisper something, Lucy _freaked the hell out_.

She wasted absolutely no time in pushing him off of her and onto the floor. The restaurant quieted down and watched as Natsu scrambled to get to his feet and plop himself in the chair across from her as Lucy hyperventilated and fanned her heated face.

One: Yes, they were those kinds of people who sat next to each other instead of across when they went out to eat.

Two: Natsu most likely had a bruised tailbone.

Three: Lucy was pretty sure that she was having a heart attack.

Natsu glared at the people who stared at them, nearly screaming if they wanted to fight. No one stepped forward, and he took that as his cue to back down, instead turning to pat Lucy on the head as she tried to calm herself down. He obviously didn't know how to comfort someone when they were quite possibly close to dying right then and there.

"What was that about?" he asked when Lucy finally gathered her bearings, numbly munching on a french fry. Idly, she thought that this may have been the first time she had went out in casual clothing with him. He always either pulled her away from work, or caught her in her pajamas.

And no, pajamas weren't casual clothing. They were nightclothes, as she had to beat that into Natsu's thick skull when he protested.

Lucy shifted to pull her thighs from the leather seat, her shorts riding scandalously high for a teacher. 'A sexy teacher' as Cana would eloquently put, and then add something along the lines of 'she could wear whatever the fuck she wanted because she was rich, bitch'.

Ah Cana. She wasn't even there, and Lucy could still hear her voice.

That, or she was schizophrenic, and the voice in her head sounded suspiciously like her roommate.

Which really...wasn't a good thing, now that she thought about it.

"Are you gonna come back any time soon? Kinda lonely here," she heard Natsu say, and Lucy jerked back into reality. Her eyes refocused on his grinning face, and the blonde blushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry, just thinking."

"Well think out loud. I want to hear what's going on in that big head of yours."

"Excuse you!"

"What? It's true!"

Lucy scowled in his direction, and the pinkette burst into explosive laughter, startling her and everyone around them.

"So, why are you weird today? Well, weirder than normal," he asked, shoving his burger in his mouth and taking a rather large bite. One would think Lucy would've been used to his habit of nearly eating his hand and everything around it, but she really wasn't. It still disgusted her, even to this day.

Mostly because she couldn't do it herself.

"I'm not weird," she grumbled.

"Says you. But seriously, what's wrong?"

She debated telling him about their little 'chat'. "It's nothing, really. Just wondering how the kids did on their test this week."

"You suck as a teacher. Kids hate tests."

"You're only saying that because you hate it too."

"And that's why I know kids hate tests."

"You realize you just called yourself a big kid."

"And...? Am I supposed to say I'm not? That's a fat load of shit and you know it."

"Language!"

They descended into a comfortable silence, Lucy poking around her strawberry milkshake, and Natsu watching her thoughtfully. To be honest, she felt a little unnerved under his surprising sharp gaze, but she wasn't at all uncomfortable with it.

It was weird, sure, but the stripper never looked twice at a girl. Not even when they were tripping over their own toes to fall into his arms (literally, unsurprisingly, for quite a few mouths ate the concrete when they tried). So when Natsu looked at _her_ so intently, his eyes running over her face and storing the image into his memory card, she felt strangely...good-looking.

Don't get her wrong, Lucy was confident in her looks - being the daughter of a former model ensured that she would grow up pretty. But despite having men always ask for her number, she still felt insecure about her appearance. She wondered if her eyes were too large, if her eyelashes were too short, if anyone could see the little mole just under her chin, were her lips too thin, oh goodness she wasn't wearing enough foundation, would they notice? Little things like that always pressured her into looking her absolute best, even if she was in the comfort of her own home.

Natsu...the way he looked at her made her throw all of her insecurities to the wind with a big 'eff you' and a crude hand gesture. He made her feel good about herself without having to say anything. She didn't know what it was, but he didn't look like he was judging her for forgoing lip gloss that day. He looked at her like he knew what women went through to look beautiful, and he silently told her that he didn't care, that she was beautiful in her own way, and if anyone told her differently, he'd throw them in the trash and tell them to stay where they belonged.

He was too sweet. And Lucy felt unworthy of his friendship.

That was why she forcibly tampered her heart to a steady beat when she was around him.

He gave a light chuckle, and Lucy looked at him questioningly, still sipping her milkshake.

"I was just thinking that I got a call last night, and the client reminded me of you."

All of the beverage that was in her mouth, was now all over the table. Pink really clashed well with light brown, apparently.

Natsu leaned back in disgust as the blonde fumbled for napkins. Mavis, she was really making a mess of her reputation today.

"Ew! What was that for?!" the stripped asked, tossing a salt packet onto the liquid playfully, and Lucy glared at him as she wiped the table.

"F-For springing that on me so quickly! You didn't even give me time to prepare!" Prepare her mind and body. Great, just when she thought she was finally easing back into the works with him, he had to go and remind her how awkward she was.

"You don't need to prepare to listen to me talk about my night!"

"Considering who you are, one can never be too careful."

"Was that an insult?"

"I'll let you figure that out."

Natsu shrugged. "Anyway, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted by your nasty ass spit-take - shit, now I got milkshake on my scarf - I was gonna say that the chick I was talking to hung up early."

Yep. That was definitely her.

"H-How do you know it was a girl?"

The pyromaniac looked at her, gestured to himself, and pointed to his phone. In Natsu speak, that meant that _Pillow Talk_ only served women, and they had sites for men who enjoyed the company of other men.

How she was able to figure that out, the world may never know.

"Plus, she sounded like a girl. If it was a dude, well...his balls need to drop, like, ASAP," the stripper grumbled, and Lucy looked at him. "Anyway, it was funny because she ended the call before it could get dirty. It reminded me of the time you ran out of the club when I was taking my pants off."

"You really, _really_ didn't need to remind me." He seemed to like shoving that down her throat. Natsu grinned.

"After that, I kept picturing you. The chick stuttered because she was nervous, and she thought she could play it off by asking questions and trying to make herself seem experienced. It didn't work."

Obviously.

"I-I have a confession," Lucy muttered, solidly hiding behind her purse. Natsu once told her that she could fit three babies and a sofa in it, to which she countered that she could only fit two babies, or one toddler.

She didn't explain.

"The chick you're talking about-"

"Lemme guess, you were in the room with her?"

"No. I _was_ her."

He was silent.

"Well shit. I was wrong."

"You thought I was in the room with her - with me?" the blonde stumbled.

"Well, yeah? It was something you would do, so I thought that you had something to do with it." He grinned that stupid, stupid grin that made her breaths harsher. "Usually when a person calls, they don't hang up until the end. Never thought it would be you though." Lucy flamed and shoved her face into the rosy scent of her baby-bag of a purse. How embarrassing!

She looked up when Natsu tapped her head and leaned forward, way too close for her liking.

"I'm good at my job, so tell me, how was it?"

If the ground could open up and swallow her now, that would be great. Thanks.  
...

" ** _Salamander_** ** _!_** "

"Who the hell let you in, Metalhead?!"

"We got fuckin' problems! Where do you get off tellin' Shrimp that we need to fuck?!"

"Well you need to! I'm tired of you guys dancing around your issues! Just fuck already!"

"Listen little bitch, I'm workin' on it!"

A crash.

"Don't call me a bitch!"

"So you don't mind the 'little' bit? Geehee, I should've known you wouldn't, since the shit's true and all."

"I'll fuck you up!"

"You can try!" More crashing.

"You broke my plant!"

"Fuckin' good! Potted plants are gay!"

"Says the guy who has a picture of his panther if it was buff blown up in the middle of his living room!"

"You leave Lily out of this!"

"I forgot his name was Lily. And you wanna get on me about my plants?"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you more!"

"Fuck _you_ more!"

"Listen you two, it seems like you need to hash out your differences in the bedroom. Want me to leave so you can started?"

"You can just go fuck yourself, Vanilla Ice!"

"Vanilla Ice, Screwdriver? I don't get it."

"You know, _Ice Ice Baby_? The song? It's made by Vanilla Ice."

"Then why not just say-"

"You can shut the fuck up!"  
...

Gajeel had only been in 'Salamander's' house a handful of times. And each time he came over, they managed to break one of the plants, which forced an altercation, and then the walk of shame to the backyard where seven more potted plants sat on the porch.

'Fuckin' tree hugger' was what the man had called her friend as he took said walk of shame.

Every time the pierced construction worker showed up at the house, 'Pinky' always found his door off its hinges and digging into the floorboards at an uneven angle. This caused yet _another_ fight between the rivals, which, more often than not, ended up having Gajeel fix it until it could at least sit right enough to close it. Then Natsu would have to call a professional ("Gajeel can't fix shit." "Fuck you, Hot Shit." "I'm gonna take that as a compliment.") and listen to the man talk about some stuff that made him question his purpose in the world.

And for some reason, every time he came over, sex was always brought up. Never between Gajeel and Levy, never between Natsu and a random girl.

No, it was always between the two of them.

Lucy didn't know how to feel about that.

So as she sat on the couch, nursing a light beer - it was the weekend, screw the consequences - watching the two men clash, trying to process all that she had learned already, as Gray-freaking-Fullbuster sat next to her, all she could say was:

"Gajeel has such beautiful hair..."

And that stopped everyone in their tracks. Lucy blushed.

"Like...It's so long and thick-"

"Like my d-"

"Don't go there," Gray interrupted Gajeel.

Lucy shifted.

Ten minutes into seeing Gajeel behave, and she already regretted asking to meet him.

After Natsu had teased her mercilessly about pretending to be a customer, they had parted for the day and Lucy had felt thoroughly disturbed at just how easy it was for him to joke about awkward things like that, even more so with how easily she let him. If it were anyone else, she might've kicked them.

Before they had went their separate ways, however, she had blurted, _"Can I meet this Gajeel?"_ before she could stop herself. Natsu had looked at her weirdly before shrugging. _"Sure,"_ he had said, _"but I won't be responsible for any injuries you get when he shows up."_

Usually saying something like that would deter her, cause her to back out and say it wasn't worth it. But this wasn't for her, it was for Levy. As she had said before, Levy only deserved the best.

And from what she was seeing now, Gajeel was not the best at all.

Lucy wanted to sip some tea, but beer would have to do for the moment.

"So you're Lucy huh?" she heard Gray ask as he slid an arm over the back of the sofa. There was nothing flirtatious about the action, but still, the blonde found herself scooting forward and away from the man. He was Juvia's fantasy, and it felt sort of like betraying a friend. And Natsu had told her that he had a habit of taking off his clothes.

So far he was only missing his shirt, socks, hat, and had his pants unbuttoned. From what she had heard, the guy could end up naked, and wouldn't notice until someone pointed it out. More often than not, it was Natsu, who threw the cactus at his head when the man had entered and immediately stripped free of his shirt.

He'd make a great addition to Majikku, Lucy idly thought. He took off his clothes faster than Jackal.

"I am Lucy," she responded, turning to face the model. "You know about me?"

"Are you kidding? Flamiac won't shut up about you, and Loke has a shrine in the corner of his living room."

She had told the ginger dozens of times to destroy the thing. Obviously he hadn't listened.

She'd kick him.

"You know Loke? How?" she asked, taking a swig of her beer.

"Mutual friends."

"Apparently everyone knows everyone in these parts." She smiled dryly, turning the bottle in her hands. "Everyone except for me, that is."

Gray chuckled and watched as Natsu drop-kicked Gajeel. The construction worker was sent flying. "It's alright. I was just like you at one point. Everyone was friends with everyone, and then there was me, broke and looking for a job."

"So how did you become a model?"

"He fucked one of the photographers," she heard Gajeel say from the kitchen right before a plate went sailing through the air. Natsu ducked under it, and Gray shoved her head down before she could get hit. It crashed into the wall, and the pieces slid behind the couch.

"No he didn't!" Natsu said, moving the couch and grabbing the largest shard he could find before pushing them back in place and moving towards the kitchen. "He jacked one of them off, I think."

"I did neither of those things! The _woman_ \- not man - said I had a good face and body! She took a few pictures and said I was hired," Gray said, just as Gajeel cried out when he saw Natsu with the plate piece. The pink-haired man stabbed it in his general direction and Gajeel broke an empty beer bottle, holding it threateningly.

"Same difference. You just didn't fuck her yet. You did after."

"I didn't have sex with her! Period!"

Lucy sipped her beer, still wishing for some tea.

Gray's phone let out an obnoxious cry, which sounded strangely like a baby, and he reached in his pocket. Lifting the device to his ear with a wince, he breathed-

 _"I don't want any excuses Gray Fullbuster! You better tell me why you haven't called me in a week!"_ Lucy heard the person - who was most definitely a woman - scream.

"Your statements are contradicting. No excuses you say, and immediately demand an excuse-"

 _"Oh so now you're getting smart with me?!"_

"I'm not! I-"

 _"Is that Natsu in the background?_ _"_ Lucy wondered why the man felt the need to have his phone so loud. She could hear everything, even over the sound of wood splintering. One look in the kitchen, and she saw Gajeel throwing the table at the pinkette, and Natsu was hit square in the...everywhere.

Who even threw a table?

"Natsu and Gajeel. I'm on the couch."

"Yes, I can see that," a voice said from the hallway. Everyone stopped and looked, seeing a duffle bag drop to the floor next to heels that Lucy could only imagine wearing without breaking her ankles.

Brown clashed with blue, and Lucy felt something in her stutter at the radiant beauty standing before them.

"RiRi has arrived after several decades!" she said, brightly.

"It's only been a few months-" Gray started, but was interrupted by a pink and tan blur barreling straight into the visitor.

Lucy only had time to breathe around the lump in her throat before Natsu picked the woman up and spun her around, listening to her tinkling laughter. "Who is...?"

"Lisanna! You're back!" Natsu said,

"Who's Lisanna?" she asked, darting her eyes towards the spinning pair.

"Only Natsu's lover," Gajeel said, grinning, and Lucy felt something in her jerk one last time before falling very, very low.

* * *

1\. I'M BACK BITCHES. Temporarily.

2\. Dun dun dun? Cliffhanger? What the hell are you doing Bonnie?

3\. Hello potty mouth. Nice to see you make an appearance in this chapter. Sorrynotsorry.

4\. Hey Wolfie! There he is! How you like him? Quite a character isn't he? And Troll, you deserve to be credited for this madness too.

5\. Chapter. Before you say 'ugh, not this bitch again', I happen to really like Lisanna. I will do her character justice and not make her a bitch because she _isn't_ and _leave my daughter alone!_ Also before you say 'why do they have to be in a relationship?', wait until the next chapter and let me explain. She's just as important as everyone else in this story people, don't click away because you see something you don't like. Or you can click away now, and come back during the steamy bits. You'd be missing fun stuff though.

6\. I get so offended when I say 'Thank You', and no one responds with 'You're welcome'. Like uhm, I'm taking energy out of my soul to be grateful, bitch you better acknowledge it with a sound or something.

7\. Seriously Clyde? Couldn't resist a jab at me over the internet? Sleep with one eye open, punk.

8\. Yes, I added memes in there somewhere. I like them. They fit.

9\. To all of the guests that reviewed and wished me a speedy recovery, freaking make an account so I thank you properly! So sweet, you all, I just want to shove you in my armoire and never let you out! No creepo of course.

10\. Which brings me to everyone who supported me. Thank you so fucking (whoops) much. I was so worried you all would yell at me to get going and not make you wait. I was afraid you all would stop reading because I be MIA sometimes. But that wasn't the case and I'm so damn relieved.

11\. So review and let me call you all cinnamon buns. And tell Clyde he should be worried about me shanking him in his sleep. I'll send you to the Fade, big brother.


	13. Chapter 12

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 12: #1 Fan xX_**

* * *

"Natsu's...lover..." Lucy mumbled, feeling her mind swirl, processing the information. She wanted to deny everything about that scenario, but who was she to say they weren't dating? Maybe they weren't even dating, but just doing the nasty on the side? Lover meant many things to her. Sometimes it meant they were involved, sometimes it meant they were the side chick/man, sometimes it just meant a cuddle buddy.

But what did 'lover' mean for them?

Lucy remembered Natsu telling her he wasn't with anyone, and wasn't trying to be any time soon. Was that because he was working on trying to get with that girl - what was her name? Lisanna? Was that because he didn't want to betray her by frolicking in a haystack with another lady? Dear Mavis...

Lucy was starting to feel sick.

Lisanna laughed. It was a light sound, soft, yet it lit up the room with the pureness of it. Lucy didn't laugh like that. She chuckled sometimes, cackled when something was really funny, and snorted when something made her cry tears of mirth.

Lisanna had snow white hair. It was cropped short, grazing her ears and the nape of her neck, but she pulled it off really well, still managing to look grossly feminine. Lucy's touched her blonde hair, twirling the lock and picking at her split ends. Her hair was the color of sunshine, which everyone practically hated. Half of the time, it didn't even cooperate with her. It was only by a miracle that she managed to get it to stay in its intricate style this time. Most of the time she wasn't that lucky.

Lisanna's eyes were a beautiful blue, a wonderful icy ocean of clearness. Lucy had brown eyes, the color of dirt. Lisanna had plump lips, the kissable kind. Lucy's lips were on the thinner side, a slight overbite. Lisanna was curvaceous in the right places. Lucy was top heavy for no reason.

Lisanna was perfect.

Lucy had piss hair and shit eyes.

She couldn't sit here anymore, not in front of the goddess standing before her. Lucy needed to leave, now, while her tears were still hidden. She grabbed her purse.

"You're still calling us that, Gajeel? I don't even know how you got that idea in your head," Lisanna said, giggling lightly. Natsu's arms were wrapped around her waist lazily, and Lucy looked away. "We're not even close to lovers!"

The teacher's ears perked.

Gajeel crossed his arms and flopped on the floor. "You sure act like it, I can't tell."

"Don't worry, Mr. Grumpy Pants, I'm not trying to take your boyfriend from you," the white-haired woman said, pushing Natsu in his general direction. "Just because we're close, doesn't mean we're dating."

The stripper fell on Gajeel, somehow ending up straddling him. They were silent for a moment before Natsu punched him. Another fight ensued.

Lisanna laughed lightly, turning to face Lucy with a look of sly curiosity. The blonde fidgeted, shifting her purse to sit on her lap. Lisanna's eyes glittered.

"Oh my goodness! Is that what I think it is?!" the woman cried, somehow ending up on her knees in front of the teacher. Her hands hovered over the handbag, wanting to touch it, but not without permission. "Is that the newest purse from _Heart and Feel Your Love_?"

Lucy opened her mouth, closed it, bit her lip, and opened it again. "Ah yes...It is."

"Holy Mavis in the Summer! No way! How did you get it? It's not supposed to come out for another month!"

Lucy shifted, her cheeks flushing as she handed over the bag. Lisanna squealed and touched everywhere she could, her slim fingers grazing over every piece of leather available. "My...my father owns the company."

Lisanna damn there fainted, swooning and falling back dramatically. Gray was quick to latch onto her arm before she hit the floor and damaged her pretty little head.

"I can't believe I'm talking to _the_ Lucy Heartfilia!" the white-haired woman cried. She took off her shoe and threw it at Natsu. It hit his head, and it tilted slightly, but he showed no sign of it hurting him. "Natsu! How dare you not tell me that 'Lucy' was Lucy Heartfilia!" She threw her other shoe, and the heel caught his hip. Natsu cried out this time, picking up the footwear and holding it threateningly.

"I told you that her name was Lucy!" he defended.

"But not Lucy _Heartfilia_!"

"I didn't think it was important!"

"Of course it's important! I'm telling Mira-nee!"

"You know me?" Lucy asked before Natsu could take action. Those were really cute shoes, and she'd hate to see them get ruined. Lisanna turned to her, her eyes shining brightly.

"Of course! What photographer doesn't know of you or your parents?" She moved to sit next to the blonde. "Lucy Heartfilia, daughter of Jude and Layla Heartfilia, the CEO and a former model of _Heart and Feel Your Love_ lingerie. Your mother was a real beauty, and photographers everywhere were tripping over themselves to get a chance to take her picture! Since you're the child, you're practically famous in the business and photo industries. And Mavis, I'm actually sitting right next to you!"

Lucy held up her hand to stop Lisanna before she started foaming at the mouth. "I'm famous?" she asked.

"Of course! It was expected that you follow in your mothers footsteps and become a model - you certainly have the looks for it - or you would take over the company in your father's name. When people found out that you weren't doing either, it caused quite a large scandal."

Lucy vaguely recalled that incident. She remembered being nineteen and fresh meat in college, and her father telling her not to go outside too much unless she wanted to be blinded. She had chalked that up to the sun being glaringly bright, not paparazzi.

She had also taken many lovers in those next months. She had no idea that it was because her name was being tossed around in the magazines.

She was famous. Huh. Who knew?

"That's...a weird thought," Lucy mumbled. Lisanna smiled.

"When Natsu told me that he was friends with 'Lucy', I only thought that it was just some other Lucy he was hanging around. I never pictured it was you!"

"So you're a photographer? You certainly did your research." It was odd to think that she had a fangirl, and probably many more.

"Yep! I'm making quite a name for myself! It also helps that my sister is top model in _Sorcerers Weekly_ and an actress. Mirajane Strauss, heard of her?"

Of course she had! Mirajane Strauss, model, actress, and occasional singer. She played a badass female heroine in many adventure films and a lovable character in many of her favorite TV dramas. Lucy remembered sitting up late at night with a bucket of ice cream, crying while watching Mira move with such grace in her scenes, wondering why she herself couldn't have that kind of finesse.

Those were dark times...

Lucy smiled, yet she still felt slightly uneasy. "So you're part of a famous family. Natsu sure gets around, how did you two meet?"

"Mutual friends."

Son of a...

Why wasn't Lucy part of these mutual friends, dammit!

"So..." Lucy started again. She shifted, picking at the handle of her purse. "Have you two been dating long?"

Natsu stopped trying to gouge Gajeel's eyes out, Gajeel stopped trying to stab him with a poker, Gray paused in taking a selfie, and Lisanna's mouth dropped open.

Silence. And Lucy coughed.

Everyone but Lucy and Gajeel burst into laughter. The blonde blushed, and construction worker used that time to shove Natsu off of him and into a wall.

"Oh Mavis have mercy, Natsu what did you tell her?" Lisanna laughed, folding in on herself and clutching her stomach. She had tears of laughter pricking the sides of her eyes, and Lucy briefly thought that she even cried beautifully.

She still didn't see what was so funny.

"I don't..." the blonde started, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"Natsu and I aren't dating! Goodness no, we're not dating! Dating him would be like dating a brick wall!" the photographer said, leaning into Lucy's side for support. "We're really close, yeah, but only because he's really close to all of friends. He treats Erza the same as me and Bisca and Levy and just about all of his girl friends. Lucy, you're really funny!"

Now she was embarrassed. Her father always scolded her for jumping to conclusions.

"But Gajeel said..."

"Gajeel also hasn't been in our little group for long. He saw us together the first time and immediately thought we had a thing going on. When we told him he was wrong, he always insists that we're a couple. Apparently, we're dancing around our feelings for each other, right Natsu?" Lisanna turned to face him.

"Well this prick doesn't know what he's talking about, and he's doing the same thing with Levy," Natsu answered, kicking his rival. "So you have no room to talk, asswipe."

"RiRi and Burning Symptom, dating? Oh I'd like to see that," Gray said. The stripper wasted no time in throwing Lisanna's heel at the man. Gray countered by throwing the other cactus.

"RiRi?" Lucy questioned.

"When I first met her, I heard everyone call her 'Risanna' or 'Ri'. When I found out her name was said with an L instead of an R, I was too lazy to try and re-learn her name, so RiRi just stuck." Gray shrugged and grinned at Lisanna, who smiled and shook her head.

"Oh..."

Lucy was stupid.

She knew she was stupid for jumping to conclusions, but never before had felt dumber than she did in this moment.

But she couldn't lie and say that she didn't feel a lot better. A lot lighter.

The blonde let out a nervous laugh. "Sorry for assuming," she apologized. "I let my mind get away from me sometimes."

"All the time!"

"Shut up Natsu!"

Lisanna laughed and waved away the apology. "It's fine. At one point everyone wanted us to date for a while. We tried for a little bit, but it was too weird, and we broke up after a week. I don't even count that as a relationship. It's like an annulled marriage, you know? It never happened."

Lucy nodded and tried to take a sip of her beer. It was empty, and she pouted. Natsu saved her by tossing her another cold one, and she smiled at him gratefully. He mock saluted and kicked Gray. A fight between the two erupted.

Lisanna watched her with hawk eyes.

"Did he seriously get something for you without complaint?" she asked. Lucy looked at her questioningly as she twisted the cap from the bottle. "Holy Mavis in a swimsuit! He really did!"

Lucy stared.

"He never does that! Not even for me!"

Lucy continued to stare, and Lisanna leaned in to whisper. "What did you do to him? Did you use a whip? Riding crop? Oh let me guess, he brought food into the bedroom? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, is what they say you know."

The teacher stared for three or four more seconds before she felt blood rushing to her cheeks steadily. It took all of her control to stay in her spot and keep her expression carefully controlled, despite having a tomato face. "We haven't...we didn't...we're not...food?" Despite being outwardly composed, she couldn't get her mouth to form sentences.

Words. They always failed her when she needed them the most. One day she was going to eat a dictionary so that wouldn't happen anymore.

Lisanna blinked. "You guys aren't like that?" Lucy shook her head frantically. "Oh Mavis on a pike! I'm sorry! I just assumed..." The photographer ran a hand through her short strands. "Every time he calls, it's always 'Lucy this' and 'Lucy that' and 'she's weird but I like her a lot'. You can understand why I would get that impression right?"

Lucy was stunned, but Lisanna kept talking.

"And seeing you here in his house was really a shock! He never talks to new girls, much less invites them over. He's stopped doing that ever since his last girlfriend - you probably don't know her - and tends to distance himself from women in general, often holding them at arm's length."

Lucy wondered why she was telling her this. "Okay?"

"It's just been a while since I've seen him so happy," Lisanna said fondly, looking at the pink-haired male who was now having an intense match of rock-paper-scissors with Gray and Gajeel. Surprisingly, no fighting was involved. "And I take it I have you to thank for that?"

Lucy flushed and picked at the wrapping around her beer bottle with her fine nails. She should really go get them redone. "We haven't known each other long, so I don't think I had a hand in it..."

Lisanna just stared at her for a minute before wrapping her arms around Lucy's shoulders with a loud squeal. The men complained. "You're so cute! So modest! Natsu can I keep her?"

"Get your own!"

Lucy sighed.  
...

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 11:38 PM  
Message: Lisanna really likes you. What did you do?**

 **From: Fifty Shades  
Received: 11:40 PM  
Message: Can you call Lisanna? She won't shut up about you making it home safe.**

 **From: L'homme de Fer  
Received: 11:41 PM  
Message: If I hear one more thing about you for the rest of the night, I'm sending Shrimp your severed hand**

 **From: Fangirl  
Received: 11:41 PM  
Message: I'm expecting a text letting me know you made it home safe any minute now. I'm waiting!**

Lucy sighed and dropped her purse on her bed, ripping her hair from its many bobby pins and ponytails. Lisanna didn't want her driving home with alcohol in her system, so she was forced to stay there for a solid four hours longer than she planned, chugging down as much water as she could.

Two beers wouldn't cause her to swerve, but the photographer had insisted, and Lucy couldn't deny the girl who had been so nice to her. She only meant well.

The blonde smiled.

Lisanna was quite the character, she had learned. She had been officially named as her very first fan (that she knew of) and, even though she found the thought weird, she was happy at the prospect. The photographer had been nothing but nice to her since she had first walked in, and Lucy felt almost bad for not accepting her with open arms like the other woman had done with her. Even now, Lucy still held her at arms length and was still slightly suspicious of her and Natsu's relationship despite being told that they weren't an item.

The fact that she was sleeping over his house for the duration of her stay in Magnolia had the blonde slightly unnerved.

But regardless of all of that, Lisanna was a sweet girl. Chipper, easy to get along with, a little loud, but that was okay because she was pretty.

 **From: Fangirl  
** **Received: 11:50 PM  
** **Message: I'M WAITING.**

 **From: Nasty-kun, Fifty Shades, L'homme de Fer  
Received: 11:50 PM  
Message: She's screaming now. FUCKING CALL HER**

 **To: Fangirl  
Delivered: 11:51 PM  
Message: I'm home, safe and sound. You can stop annoying the guys now :D**

Lucy laughed to herself as she shoved the charger into her phone, ignoring the buzzing of what she would assume were three 'thank the Maker' texts and one of relief.

After showering and making herself some soup (because it was always time for soup), Lucy crawled into bed with a sigh and a whimper of despair at the thought of work the next day. She loved her job, but now that she had actual friends, she missed the days where she didn't have to teach. Weekends were fun now, and she wished she had more time to just relax.

The blonde tossed and turned in bed for a minute, sticking one leg out from the cover to achieve the perfect temperature, but still couldn't find herself able to sleep. She felt like something was missing, and she huffed in irritation. Her door was locked, Levy was at her own apartment, Erza said she was spending the night over Jellal's house - something about fixing their broken relationship, again, Juvia was...somewhere, and Cana was working all night and wouldn't be home until later. The lights were off, TV unplugged, she had sent Natsu a goodnight text-

No she didn't.

Lucy wiggled in her bed until she within range of her phone, snatching the device from the nightstand. The light made her temporarily blind, and she dropped her phone on her face a few times while trying to pull up the messaging screen, but eventually she made it.

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 12:22 AM  
** **Message: Couldn't sleep and I was wondering why. I forgot to say goodnight to you, so goodnight.**

The blonde sighed in relief, finally feeling sleep tug at the recess of her mind. Locking her phone, she snuggled into her covers, took a deep breath, and sank into dreamland.

 **From: Nasty-kun  
** **Received: 12:25 AM  
** **Message: Finally, I stayed up waiting for that. Goodnight Luce, and thank you for not getting the wrong idea...**

* * *

1\. Such a sweet little ending. Thanks for the cavities.

2\. God I love Lisanna in this story right now. She's such a cute character.

3\. _L'homme de Fer - The Iron Man_. As I was growing up, my mother spoke French and drilled it into my head. I can understand it perfectly, but shit if I can speak it. Same thing with Spanish. Can understand it, know how it works, but can barely speak it. I'm bad with oral.

4\. That's not a sex joke, don't get any ideas you perverts.

5\. CHAPTER! Yes, Lisanna is OOC. Do I give a fuck? No. Lee me lone. I think she's a better character this way, more likable, and easier to stomach. Agreed? Agreed. And HAHA! Y'all thought they were dating? NOPE. Just really close friends. I was tired of seeing stories where she was the girlfriend that everyone loved and they made Natsu love her oh-so-much and made Lucy super jealous of her and then they made Lisanna the bitch that was like "get away from my man". *sigh* No. Believe it or not, they don't have to be romantically involved to be close. I'm all about love rivals in stories, but when it's the same character over and over, it gets tiring after a while, ya know?

6\. Then again, I may be alone in that sentiment.

7\. Shout out to Clyde for helping type this. Another shout to Clyde for successfully pissing me off while doing so. I'll kick you so hard later.

8\. Shout out to my readers for getting me past 20,000 views, 1,500+ views every time there's an update. And we'll be pushing past 200 reviews soon? Holy shit, y'all really like half naked men, huh?

9\. Me too.

10\. I just really wanted to say thank you for the endless support I've been getting from you all. I haven't received a single flame or a message from someone who disliked the story (I'm jinxing it aren't I). It makes me happy to know that I'm making people laugh with my randomness and shitty jokes. So thank you so much, from the bottom of my black heart. And I don't own Fairy Tail,, so don't sue me.

11\. Can you even sue trash? Let's not find out.

12\. So leave a review. That's it. Nothing funny to say. What? Were you expecting more? I spoiled you guys.


	14. Chapter 13

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 13: What Do You Mean? xX_**

* * *

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 3:13 PM  
Message: I'm dying**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 3:14 PM  
Message: Bullshit. Leave me alone.  
**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 3:15 PM  
Message: No seriously! I've fallen and I can't get up!  
**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 3:17 PM  
Message: Life Alert**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 3:18 PM  
Message: Quit being a smartass and just get over here. I'm sick, tend to me**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 3:20 PM  
Message: Isn't Lisanna staying for three more months? Have her do it.**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 3:21 PM  
Message: She's out with Bixlow right now, something about an anniversary. Now get your ass over here and BE MY SERVANT!**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 3:23 PM  
Message: Not with that attitude. I'll be over in 20. I better be getting paid**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 3:24 PM  
Message: Don't worry, you will ;D  
**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 3:26 PM  
Message: Don't wink at me. It's creepy.**  
...

The first thing she noticed when she walked into Natsu's house was his foot.

"Get off of the floor!" Lucy shouted as she removed her shoes and slipped on the slippers. Natsu groaned from his place in the living room and kicked his leg up in protest, letting it flop to the floor two seconds later.

"I told you," he croaked when she crouched next to him, "I've fallen and couldn't get up."

"And I told _you_ , Life Alert." She poked his cheek and frowned when she felt how hot it was. Gently, she placed her hand over his forehead and jerked back in shock. "Mavis Natsu! You're hot!"

"I know." He coughed, but still managed a grin. Lucy rolled her eyes with a light blush and stood. She couldn't deny that fact.

"Did you take any medicine?"

"That shit don't work."

"I'll take that as a no. Where is it?"

"Still in the store 'cause that shit don't work."

Lucy sighed. "Get on the couch."

"Can't move. Carry me."

"No! You're heavy!"

"And you're strong. C'mon Luce! Push with your legs and put your back into it!"

"Quit acting like a spoiled child!"

"Waaah! Waaah!"

She raised her hand like she would hit him, but sighed and put it back down. She couldn't beat him today since he was sick, but when he got better...

Now she was sounding like a spouse.

"I'll help you, but I can't do it by myself, so you'll have to put some effort in too, okay?" He hummed and Lucy sat him up and lifted his arm around her shoulders. His scent assaulted her nose, and Lucy found herself inhaling slowly. He always smelled nice, like a comfy cabin during the winter. Her eyes fluttered shut for a millisecond, only to snap back open when she felt his arm tense around her. She returned to reality. "Alright, ready?" When he nodded, she stood.

He was heavy, but only because it was toned muscle. His weight bore down on her frail shoulders, and she scowled when she realized he wasn't doing anything to help her at all. He was dragging his feet instead of picking them up and moving them. "Dammit Natsu! Help!"

He took one step, then went back to lagging.

Lucy growled and tossed him on the couch. He landed on his face, limbs askew with one leg on the couch and an arm over the back. He groaned, the sound muffled by the cushions.

Close enough.

"Tea?"

"Beer."

"No. Tea, where is it?"

"Cabinet."

"Which one?"

"Dunno. Look for it."

"You're a real treat, you know?"

She walked into the kitchen and threw open the cabinet doors, scanning each one for the contents she needed to make the home remedy her mother used to make her when she had a fever in her childhood days. Two tea bags, a large mug, a tablespoon of sugar, some honey, and half a lemon later, the blonde walked back into the living room where Natsu lay. He still hadn't corrected his position, and Lucy groaned.

"Fix yourself!"

"Too weak."

"Quit being a brat!"

"No."

He had _better_ be paying her when this was done. This was unreal.

The teacher placed the mug, straw, and the orange she had snatched on the nightstand next to the couch. She pushed him onto his back and rearranged his limbs so he wasn't twisted like a pretzel or sprawled out like a starfish. After he was settled, Lucy huffed and pushed her free-falling bangs from her face, pulling her hair into a ponytail. She took off her blouse, leaving her in an undershirt that showed a little more skin than was appropriate, and threw the fabric across the arm of the couch.

"I'm going to get some cold water and a washrag, alright?" She handed him the tea and the straw. "Can you try and drink a little bit of this? Please?" His hand came up and grabbed the mug, their fingers brushing.

Lucy blushed and snatched her hand back. She knew she was the only one who felt that spark, so she kept quiet and moved to the bathroom.

The blonde splashed her face and looked at the clock hanging on the wall (why did he even have a clock in the bathroom? Did he need to know how long he was taking a shit?) seeing that she had spent at least forty minutes just trying to get him to cooperate. She sighed and leaned on the sink, dropping her head to her chest.

It wasn't like she had a problem taking care of him if he was sick, she liked being helpful. She just felt so tired, and her back was hurting. A lot.

Lisanna had been staying with him for a month now because of work. Why she wasn't staying with her long time boyfriend, Lucy didn't know. As far as she knew, their relationship was a strong one, and they were lovey-dovey and all that.

Maybe it had to do with her boyfriend's roommates. One was a snobby woman who was obsessed with fairies, and one was a normal man, who happened to be obsessed with some dude named Laxus.

Wasn't that the name of the bouncer blond/stripper in Majikku?

Lucy wasn't even going to touch that.

The blonde wrung a clean washcloth she found in a drawer and filled a plastic bowl with cold water. Right now, she really wished Lisanna was here to care for the stripper in the living room. At least _she_ knew how he worked.

Grabbing the bowl, she stopped in the living room and dropped the washcloth over his forehead. She could his breaths coming out in puffs, his cheeks flushed and a light sheen of sweat sitting on his upper lip. She dabbed it away.

"You wear a scarf all the time," she whispered, not wanting to startle him if he was awake, and not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. "I don't understand how you got this sick."

"Pure...skill," Natsu whispered back, and Lucy chuckled softly. Moving his now empty mug, she sat on the floor and grabbed the orange, peeling it quickly and pushing a slice in between his lips. He scrunched his nose.

"It'll help get rid of the mucus. You'll feel better." He bit into it, and she quickly pulled her fingers back before he could start sucking on them. It wouldn't be an unpleasant experience, she thought with a blush, but she doubted he'd like tasting finger.

The orange finished, the mug washed, the peelings thrown away and the washrag re-dipped, Lucy sat dabbing at his forehead, just staring at him.

She never really noticed that he had a sharp face before. High cheekbones protruding enough to be noticeable, but not enough to look weird. His eyebrows weren't as pink as his hair, leaning more to the light red side. She could see his laugh lines around his mouth, and his lips looked dry, but not too chapped. She smoothed the line in his forehead with the wet rag, taking away the stressed look.

He looked young. Too young.

Lucy sighed softly and pulled her hand away to re-dip the cloth, only to have Natsu catch her wrist in a tight grip. She let out a soft gasp and looked at him, his eyes wide open and staring at her.

"W-What?" she asked, tugging her arm.

"You know I like you, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah?"

"Like, I really like you."

Lucy grinned nervously, her heart thundering in her chest. "Is that a confession?"

Surprisingly, he was quiet for a minute, and Lucy felt her heart speed up. He just stared at her, and she started to get nervous.

"No. At least I don't think so."

"You don't think so? What's that mean?"

"I dunno." She shouldn't be taking this seriously. He was sick, he could just be talking out of his ass right now. Still, she couldn't help but hang on to his every word. "You're different from every other girl friend of mine. You're..."

"Not strict like Erza? Hyper like Lisanna? Nerdy like Levy?" she teased.

"Not annoyed by me."

Lucy paused. "What do you mean?" His eyes drooped closed, and she wanted to let him go back to sleep - she really did, but she wanted to know. "Natsu." She lightly slapped his cheek. "What did you mean by that?"

His hand slid up her arm, and Lucy felt goosebumps rise in his wake. Over the forearm, up the bicep, onto her shoulder - squeezing lightly - and cupping her neck.

Her pulse raced. And she knew he could feel it hammering under her skin. She gulped and he tugged her closer, closer, _closer_.

Their foreheads bumped.

Lucy flamed.

"Natsu?"

"You let me tease you and don't...get too mad at me." She could feel his breath on her lips, mingling with her own. Lucy was stuck, feeling overwhelmed by everything. His breath smelled like oranges and honey, and she could feel his sweaty forehead sticking their skin together. Said sweat was mixed with his natural scent of nature, and she found it positively intoxicating.

 _Oh_. Oh no.

No no no.

Shit.

"You listen to me, and you don't judge me. You didn't try to get me to stop working either of my jobs like they did, and you trust me even though I do some crazy shit." He opened his eyes, onyx overwhelming her with flecks of green, clashing with her own chocolate brown. She could his lips brushing against her own with every word he spoke. It sent her stomach aflutter. "I really like you, and I hope you know that, so please-" he swallowed, "don't leave me okay? I don't want to lose you. If I do something wrong, tell me, alright? I can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is."

She inhaled, and exhaled shakily, feeling her eyes well up with tears. "Go to sleep Nasty-kun," she whispered.

"But-"

"I won't leave you, and I'll tell you if something's wrong. You're sick, and you need rest, so sleep."

"Promise?"

She swallowed. "I-I promise."

He let loose a breath she didn't realize he'd been holding and closed his eyes, his hand never leaving the back of her neck. And she stayed there, letting him keep her close so he'd know she was telling the truth, so that he could feel that she wouldn't leave until he was ready for her to. His calloused hand was warm against her soft neck, and she could feel his palm sweating, but she didn't move. She wouldn't.

His hand loosened, and so did every nerve in her body.

Her eyes filled and tears spilled. She cried, and the drops fell on his face, but he didn't wake. She cried, and her shoulders shook, but she didn't move, and he didn't stir.

She cried, and cried, and cried because she knew. She knew he felt alone sometimes, and she felt like that too.

And in the back of her mind, a voice told her that she wouldn't mind falling in love with a guy like him.

Two broken people fixing each other. Relationshit of the century.  
...

"If you think you're getting away from telling me about this Gajeel character, you have another thing coming!"

Now Lucy hated surprises. With a passion. Surprises threw off her well put-together schedule, and caused her to rearrange everything in order to fit that stupid little surprise in. Frankly, they were wastes of time, and that's why Natsu irritated her sometimes. He was full of surprises.

Popping into her job unannounced, having her co-workers thinking she was involved when she really wasn't. Bringing food when she wasn't hungry, and making her eat it because 'you're wasting my hard earned money'. Taking her to random places and making her stay out late because he really wanted to see that movie.

She _hated_ surprises.

But if she was the one planning them, they were alright.

Lucy barged into Levy's apartment while she was home. It was around 10:30 at night (Natsu was finally cured of his 'life-threatening disease'), and Levy had just finished bathing and was relaxing with a hot cup of coffee in her robe. The teacher immediately sat on her.

Interrogation mode.

"Did you not _see_ how many piercing he has?! I bet TSA doesn't know what to do with him because of it. And his potty mouth, Levy! Do you _hear_ his grammar? He's so violent - did you know he broke three of Natsu's plants and threw a plate at my head? Are you aware he works for a phone sex company? And don't even get me _started_ on his fashion sense!"

"Ah...Lu-chan?"

"I admit he has really nice hair, but does he even believe in brushes? It's way too tangled!"

"Um-"

"He sounds like he's been sucking on sandpaper and drinking nails for a living! Like he just put his voice on a cheese grater and gave it to a kid and said 'Have at it'!"

"Are you done?"

"Why does he only wear gray and black? Is he trying to make a statement or something? Gah! Walking around with a tattered shirt like it's hot. It's really not!"

Levy quirked an eyebrow as Lucy panted. The blonde ran both hands through her hair before exhaling through her nose, calming herself down.

"When did you meet Gajeel?" the guide asked.

"About a month ago, I just haven't had time to confront you about it."

"Which means that you needed time to prepare your rant."

"Bingo."

They giggled and Lucy shifted in the small girls lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and pressing her blonde head against her friend's blue one.

"What do you even like about him?" she asked.

The way Levy's eyes lit up at the thought of talking about him made Lucy's lips quirk up in a small smile. She told her all about how he protected her from a groper who made his way on the bus. She told her about how he trailed after her as she made her way home to make sure she was safe. She told her about how she threw a book at him when she thought he was stalking her. She talked about how he let her play with his hair. She talked about how he walked her to work the next morning. She talked about how he knew Natsu, and how he made her laugh so much. How he was so much taller. How they were so different, yet so fitting. How he just sat and listened to her talk even if he didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

And Lucy watched her. She watched her gesture, flail, squeal, blush, giggle. All of this because a guy was interested in her, and she in him. And Lucy didn't have it in her to deny her friend this little pleasure. She didn't have it in her to say 'no, you can't date him because he will hurt you', because he wouldn't. Levy said he was gentle with her, treating her like a piece of fine china.

Lucy couldn't tell her not to pursue the man she wanted, because Levy encouraged her when she was interested in her Exes.

"Are you sure? Are you really, really sure?" the blonde asked, cupping her friend's cheeks to get her to stop talking and face her. "Are you really happy with him? He doesn't treat you wrong?"

"He's a little rough around the edges, but he's a good guy, Lu-chan. I promise."

"...Alright. Be careful. If he does anything, you let me know and he'll have a heel in nose the next time I see him."

"That...sounds uncomfortable."

* * *

1\. Hm. I needed to end this chapter somehow. *splashes Gajevy in your faces*

2\. I have three goddamn mosquito bites on one arm. Like you think I would feel the first one, and if not that one, maybe the second? Nope. My dumbass ain't feel shit. My arm is ashy now.

3\. Iska, if you go there one more time...Punishment will be severe (oh God that sounded more weird than I planned).

4\. I like heels. They're cute, they make me feel good about myself, and they make my legs look bangin', but fuck if you think Imma wear them over a nice pair of Jordans.

5\. Is there really anything I can discuss in this chapter? I guess I can talk about the first part. You ever notice how different Nasty is compared to his friends? I decided to expand on that, because being different is lonely. Sure, it's good to be different, and you can make a whole group of different people, but you're you and they're them. You're a different type of different, and that makes it quite lonely. Or something like that. Quit trying to be philosophical Bonnie. You're pissing me off.

6\. ARE YOU SERIOUS THERE'S ANOTHER MOSQUITO BITE? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM DAMMIT! PISS OFF.

7\. Did you guys see the Natsu forehead thing in there? Yeah? Did it piss you off? Good, it pissed me off too and I wrote the damn thing.

8\. There was some lip brushing too, you see that? I hate myself. So much.

9\. Review and let me know if you drink Pepsi or Coke. There are two types of people in this world, and somehow I'm both.

10\. I don't own Coke or Pepsi by the way, so why would you think I owned FT? I'm too broke for that.


	15. Chapter 14

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 _ **Xx Chapter 14: When I See You xX**_

* * *

"Okay! I'm going to take a quick attendance and then we'll get started. Bea?" Lucy called, whipping out her clipboard with the attendance sheet. Bea called out a loud 'here' and Lucy checked off her name. "Harold?" Another 'here'. "Ray and Raeana?" Two tones, one high and one low, shouted 'present' in Lucy's ear, and she glared at the twins, jabbing her pen in their direction threateningly. "Brayson?" The boy walked up to her and tapped her clipboard, waving silently and then returned to the back of the class. Lucy sighed.

Brayson didn't talk much, but when he did, he was the loudest.

She continued calling out names, the number of names decreasing until, finally, she was done. Shoving the clipboard back into her large purse, she had her students arrange into small groups so it would be easier to keep track of them.

She had decided many months back that helping her students learn history was through fun and unfamiliar settings. Since that discovery, she barely taught class in the classroom, always either teaching in the hallways or in the courtyard. The classroom was an intimidating place, and no matter how many posters she shoved on the walls, it still wasn't comfortable to sit in. Lucy even found herself hating the bland colors, and it was _her_ classroom.

And many months back, she decided to take her kids to the museum. Because who didn't like museums?

One may not have been fond of history as the subject, but there was so much to do in those large places. One may not have been interested in the weapons used in a pirate battle, but they could've been interested in how they found the land.

There was so much to explore, and Lucy knew the students would love it.

Right now, Mikky was vibrating in excitement, inching her way up the stairs.

"Can we go in now?!" she shouted, pointing at the double doors.

"H-Hold on!" Lucy said, fumbling with her phone for a second and telling the bus driver to go on and do whatever he did, but to return by 2:00. He nodded, slammed the doors shut and sped off.

Lucy knew buses only had about 75 mph on their speedometer as their max speed, but why did it seem like he went faster than that? How could he go faster than that?

" _Sensei_!" Her students cried, and the blonde snapped out her bus musings to face the class. Her eyes were drawn to the bundle of blue hair stand at the top of the stairs, laughing softly.

Lucy smiled and ran up to her friend, engulfing her in a hug. "Thank you for doing this, Levy-chan. They've been waiting for this opportunity since I handed out the permission slips."

The petite woman hugged her back, a smile creeping onto her face. "It's no problem! I think it's a great idea, it helps kids learn more effectively. And you know me, I always keep the people entertained." She grinned and Lucy returned it. The bluenette turned to the students and stretched her arms out. "Welcome to the only museum that's cheap, but also filled to the brim with historical artifacts that may or may not be authentic. Don't ask me, I didn't build this place." The class laughed, and Lucy smiled, following her friend into the building.

It was large, but not overwhelmingly so. Lucy felt like there was still a lot of room to add more stuff, and maybe that was their intention. She didn't know how the architect wanted to form the building. All she knew was that it was large, filled with old, dusty items, and a lot of people. She could see the remains of dinosaurs, a gift shop, a scene of historical figures playing out - were those dragon bones hanging from the ceiling - paintings from various artists and much more.

There was certainly many things that could keep her students occupied. Add that to Levy's animated way of relaying information to them, and she guaranteed that her students would have a great time.

Lucy smiled.

"I'm sure that we all know of the mages of Fairy Tail. Many of our well known buildings take after it due to the sole fact that Fairy Tail was one of the strongest guilds of the time," the guide was saying as she picked up a small blue crystal, holding it up to let the class see. "This is what they called Lacrima. Lacrima was a source of power for the citizens, mages and citizens alike. If they didn't use it for what we know as electricity, they would use it for magic. And check this out, some people also infused it into themselves to imitate certain mages, like the second generation dragons slayers!"

The kids started freaking out.

"No way!"

"I can't believe that!"

"Gimme that! I wanna try!"

"How's it taste? I'm hungry."

"Can I hold it?"

"If I shove it up my ass, would it work like that?"

"Thomas!"

Lucy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Calm down children," she scolded. "That's an artifact, only staff can handle it. And Thomas, watch your mouth. You can talk like that around your friends, but you're still in school and I won't tolerate curse words."

"Ass isn't even a curse! It's just another word for donkey."

"That's even worse! 'Shove it up your donkey'? Nu-uh, you better watch yourself young man or I'll have to assign you extra homework."

"You wouldn't-"

"Try me."

Though she was a pretty lay-back teacher, she could be threatening when she put her mind to it. So as the blonde stood with her arms crossed, giving her student 'the look', she watched as he slumped in defeat and grumbled an apology.

Lucy sighed, then smirked, then reeled back in horror when she saw a flash of pink hair next to the dragon bones.

He was staring straight at her, a sports bottle of water in his mouth.

Natsu.

Levy frowned at her friend's expression, turning to glance at what had her so mortified. Catching Natsu's eye, she smiled and gave an enthusiastic wave in his direction. The stripper grinned widely and returned it. Turning back to the teacher, the guide threw a sly smirk in her direction and gestured for the class to follow her. "And over here, we have the bones of the legendary dragon Acnologia. It was said the mages of Fairy Tail fought this dragon, and lost. It 'destroyed' Tenrou island, but Mavis - I'm sure we all know about her - protected the island for seven years, bringing both the island and the inhabitants back to life."

The students listened, and Lucy tried to, but she could feel Natsu's eyes on her as Levy spoke. They never wandered anywhere else, only stuck to her form, and Lucy felt uncomfortable under his gaze.

Why was he here? He sure as hell didn't like learning, so what possessed him to show up at the very same museum she'd be at, at the exact same time she was teaching her class, in the exact same gallery that she was standing in-

Did...Did Natsu look at her schedule?

She felt her phone buzz in alarm, and with a quick glance at Natsu - who was still staring dead at her - she saw he had his phone out. She knew he was the one to send the message. She ignored it and tried to focus on what Levy was saying.

Key word being _tried._

With Natsu staring straight at her, following her class around, that damn water bottle never leaving his lips, it was hard to focus on anything else. Lucy scowled, whipping out her phone.

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 11:38 AM  
Message: I'm glad I never had you as a teacher**

She gnashed her teeth together.

 **To: Nasty-kun  
** **Delivered: 11:59 AM  
** **Message: Stop staring at me, and stop following my class around. You look like a stalker/pedophile.**

 **From: Nasty-kun  
Received: 12:00 PM  
Message: As long as you don't believe I am, I don't care what people think**

 **To: Nasty-kun  
Delivered: 12:00 PM  
Message: Tell that to the cops.**

Lucy heard him bark out a laugh from very close behind her, and Lucy jumped, startled. She and her class tuned around to face the strange man, but Natsu just gave them the 'sup' nod, gesturing for them to continue on with their lesson. Her students turned to look at her, but the blonde just smiled uneasily.

"Leave," she whispered, falling back to walk beside Natsu when the teens returned to their lesson.

"And miss this? No way!" he grinned. Lucy pinched him.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm in the middle of work, and you're distracting me and my students from their learning time. Go somewhere else!"

"I'll leave when you do."

"Natsu!" she hissed.

"You make a really scary teacher. Poor Travis."

"Thomas."

"Do you yell at Taliban a lot? It seems like you do."

"Thomas, and he's one of those kids that are good, but just do stupid things often." Why was she telling him this? Why was he still here? Why was he asking about her students? Why was the world round?

She didn't know, but she did know that he needed to leave before she stabbed him with the pen she carried in her purse.

"Huh," Natsu said, fiddling with the ends of his scarf, and Lucy was tempted to choke him with it. "Do you think he does it for attention?"

"I'm not getting into this conversation with you-"

"Who's this?"

Lucy snapped her mouth shut at Lena's question. The small girl had fallen back to stand next to her teacher, who was talking to a strange pink-haired man that was wearing a scarf. While it was hot out.

Lena didn't want to ask.

Mikky and Joanne had joined them and Lucy found her palms sweating quite profusely. She had hoped to keep Natsu a secret from her nosy students, but she knew they were going to find out about him eventually. It didn't help that she was publicly talking to him, and she admitted that it was her fault.

Damn herself.

"Yo! I'm Natsu!" the stripper said, grinning widely at her students.

"Are you Sensei's boyfriend?" Mikky asked. Joanne gasped, scandalized.

"No way! I thought she was dating Aeryc-sensei! You're two-timing?!"

"Aeryc-sensei?" Natsu mumbled questioningly. Lucy sighed.

"They look good together, don't they?" Joanne asked her friends. "Aeryc-sensei is all smooth and funny, and they eat lunch together all the time, right?"

Lena gasped. "They do! The other day I saw them talking in the hallway, and he had his arm all around her shoulders with the biggest smile, you know? And I was like, 'Ermigarsh, they're totally flirting'."

"You didn't say that," Mikky said, crossing her arms. "Don't _ever_ talk like that."

"Shut up and don't tell me how to live my life."

Lucy just couldn't believe her students were gossiping. About _her_ love life. Right in front of her.

And a relationship with Aeryc? That was funny.

Aeryc was a math teacher that taught in the same hall as her. If Lucy was completely honest, he was very good-looking. Brown hair slicked back and brushing the nape of his neck, slanted ice-blue eyes with flecks of an amber color in the middle (she was totally not staring at his eyes), slightly lanky, but toned for a teacher, high cheekbones with a bit of stubble dusting his chin. He was attractive, and her female co-workers agreed with that sentiment.

But Natsu was better.

Not that she would tell him that.

"Can you not?" she told her students, who were now arguing among themselves. Natsu was strangely quiet, and she chanced a glance in his direction. He was blowing into his bottle and she sighed. "Lena, Mikky, Joanne, this is Natsu. Natsu, this is students."

"Great grammar there, Teach," Joanne grumbled. Lucy glared.

"He is a friend, and _only_ a friend. Don't go spreading rumors about a relationship I'm not in. And I'm not dating Aeryc either!" Because she kind of wanted to date Natsu...

"Ooooh, first name basis," Mikky giggled. Lucy huffed.

" _Pay attention to me!"_ she heard Levy yell from the front. The blonde grinned sheepishly, and gave a small wave to her blue-haired friend. The three students scrambled to the front of the class, leaving Lucy alone in the back with Natsu.

It was silent, and weirdly tense between them.

Lucy coughed.

"Aeryc-sensei, huh?" Natsu muttered, and if she was honest, she thought she heard a bitter note in his tone. Maybe that was her imagination, or wishful thinking on her part.

"Just a friend, don't worry. He's not my type, anyway." That was a fat load of crap, but she wouldn't say that out loud. She was trying to reassure Natsu, not make him more anxious.

"You have a type?" the pinkette asked, blinking and pinning her with his intense gaze. "What's your type?"

Oh no. Forget that. She was not walking into that trap. She wasn't even going to poke it, so Lucy did the most logical thing. She turned and ran away from it.

Figuratively of course. One had to be an extreme badass to be able to run in heels. She was not an extreme badass.

"Have you seen the Lacrima yet?" she asked instead. "They have different kinds, each type harboring a different type of magic. Supposedly."

Natsu frowned, and she pat his cheek to get rid of it. She didn't like it when he frowned, and he looked weird. His smile was much more endearing.

"I'll let you get away with it this time," the stripper said, grinning slightly, "but don't think I'm letting it go completely." His arm slid around her waist, pulling her into his side, and Lucy flushed, but smiled nonetheless. "You think they have a fire Lacrima? You think I can buy it? Maybe I'll just steal it instead..."

"I will hurt you."  
...

It wasn't often that Natsu thought. But when he did, it was scary.

Since when did he ever put his brain to use?

Never. That was when.

But now he sat, tapping his fork against the wood of his table, deep in thought with his food in front of him. Lisanna was staring at him, fiddling with her pasta as she pursed her lips. Frankly, Natsu couldn't bring himself to care.

He was experiencing a midlife crisis. Or what felt like one.

Shit, he didn't even really know what a midlife crisis was.

It was like that extraterrestrial...exist...existential (?)...that shit that made people question their morals and the meaning of life. Lucy mentioned it once, but he couldn't remember what it was called.

But that wasn't what he was thinking about. Natsu didn't feel like contemplating why the Earth was the third planet furthest from the sun, but he did feel like figuring out why the hell the name 'Aeryc' made his nose twitch and his teeth feel funny.

And if there was one thing he hated the most, it was weird feeling teeth.

He had never met the guy before, but the way those kids - Liara, Justine, and Mika, see, he remembered! - talked about him, it made Natsu feel like...punching a bull in the gonads. And bulls had really big gonads.

He was close with Lucy? No. He wasn't as close to her as Natsu himself was.

Was he?

Ah shit. He was getting a headache.

"Okay, I can't take this anymore," he heard Lisanna say when she slammed her fork on the table. Bits of sauce splattered onto the wood, and Natsu scowled. He hoped she would clean that up later. "What's up?' she asked.

"The sky."

"Haha. Very funny. I mean what's wrong?"

"With the world? We can't get along. Why can't we be friends?"

"You're being more annoying than usual."

"Then the usual must be a lot, huh?"

"Natsu! I'm serious!"

"Then loosen up. It's not good for your health, being too serious."

She threw a noodle at him, and Natsu caught it in his mouth. Lisanna huffed. "Okay, yes or no? Does it involve Lucy?"

"...No."

"That means yes. Is it her job?"

"Yes."

"That means no. Is it someone in her job?"

"No."

"Meaning yes. A guy at her work?"

"Yes."

"That means yes."

How the fuck...?

Lisanna scared him sometimes.

The photographer spread the sauce over the table, making the mess worse while she thought. Natsu scowled and threw his napkin over the mess, forcing her to clean it instead of adding to it.

"You're jealous," she said after five minutes.

"No I'm not," he said quickly. Because he wasn't.

He had been jealous before, and that was worse than this. When he was jealous, he made sure that his girlfriend knew it, that the man she was hanging out with knew it, that the pedestrians walking across the street knew it, that the cat in the alley knew it. When he was jealous, he was unforgiving because that woman was his and no one else's. She was his girlfriend, and he was her boyfriend, not the guy flirting with her. When he was jealous, he showered his lady with affection, made her feel special so she remembered why she picked _him_ and no one else.

Natsu was a beast when he was jealous.

And this was not jealousy.

Maybe it was more of a...protective instinct. Maybe he just felt like he needed to keep the bad away from her, because Lucy was a little angel that pissed him off sometimes because she was just too good for this world. She was a cinnamon roll that was actually a cinnamon, and he wanted to keep her that way.

She was soft, she was nice, she was funny, she did this little thing with her face when she was irritated, she messed with her hair when she was talking, she wasn't awkward, she played in his hair a lot, she was caring. Lucy was just...amazing.

He really, really liked her.

And this 'Aeryc' guy was a piece of shit.

Natsu didn't even know the guy, but he was still a piece of shit.

"I don't like him," the stripper grumbled. "I don't know him, but I already don't like him."

Lisanna smiled and pat his head. "I know Natsu."

"He'll hurt her."

"Will he though?"

"Probably. I won't let it happen though."

"And how exactly will you do that?"

"I'll kill him."

"You better not!"

"Then I'll...I'll do something! Just watch!"

Now where the hell did his food go?

Oh...he ate it.

When the hell...?

* * *

1\. AMAZING GRACE! HOW SWEET, THE SOUND. THAT SAVED. A WRETCH. LIKE ME! I ONCE was lost, but now, I'm found. FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!

2\. Those aren't the words...

3\. You know, I didn't plan on this story being a slow burn, but my brain was like 'fuck you imma take my time'.

4\. Aeryc. Why are you here? I like you, but other people may not. How about you make your introduction next chapter?

5\. STOP. Chapter time. So there's Nasty-kun POV in this one. The reason I don't do much of his POV is because he's a hard little shit to write. I can't be the only one who thinks that, right? And is he really not jealous? *shrugs* how the hell should I know? I may have written it, but I literally just write whatever my brain spits out. I have no idea what I'm doing half of the time. Story of my life.

6\. **"Bonnie what happened to you?" "Why haven't you updated?" "Are you okay? Haven't heard from you in a while?" "Plz update cuz yer story iz lyfe."** Just a few PM's that I've gotten during my absence. I'll reply and send PM's out...eventually.

7\. To be honest, I was lazy. I tried writing, then gave up because I'm a shit. I just didn't feel like it, plus I had to get my casts removed.

8\. First thing I did was get rid of the smell. I practically dumped my perfume on my arm and leg just to remove the stench until I got home and proceeded to shower normally for about 45 minutes.

9\. Remember how I said I don't like cold showers? Well I left that shit for my family because I'm evil. Muahahaha! *starts hacking*

10\. I was surprised to see that many of you guys didn't drink Coke or Pepsi. Weirdos. So leave a review and tell me if you lick your q-tips before putting them in your ears. I saw my cousin do that shit and I wanted to kick her. That's nasty.

11\. We'll be tossing over 300 reviews soon y'all! What the shit? When did this happen? Should I do a little giveaway? I don't know. 300 is a lot...Up to you guys. You have until Sunday to tell me what you want me to do. I can't make my own decisions.


	16. Chapter 15

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 _ **Xx Chapter 15: Jealous (sort of) xX**_

* * *

"The Grand Magic Games were held in the capital of Fiore, Crocus, and was quickly ended when things went awry," Lucy said, pacing back and forth at the front of the class, her textbook in her arms. The students read along.

A light tapping came from the window, but she ignored it.

"The Eclipse gate was activated when the Celestial mages were told it would stop a horrible future from happening. Brayson, what happened next?"

Three more taps in a quick succession, and Lucy briefly thought about calling school security to stop the teen from disrupting her class by throwing pebbles.

" _THE CELESTIAL MAGES OPENED THE GATE_ -"

"That's enough. Ray, take over please," Lucy said, cutting Brayson off when he screamed the passage. The class laughed softly, and removed their fingers from their ears.

A loud smack resounded through the room, right as Ray opened his mouth to speak. Every person in the room jerked, startled, and spun to face the window.

Nastu's face was pressed up against the glass. Grinning. Like a freaking fool.

Mavis take the wheel.

"Uhm...Sensei...?" Ray started, bemused.

" _THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE WINDOW."_

 _"_ Yes Brayson, I can see that. Ignore him. Ray, read on," Lucy nearly growled, stomping over to the window and yanking the strings that controlled the blinds. They dropped loudly, cutting Natsu's face from view. Her student let out a soft chuckle before reading the passage aloud.

Two knocks on the window next to the previous one had the class turning to face the sound again. Natsu had his face mashed into the window yet again, but this time he was frowning. The class giggled, and Lucy smacked the glass before closing those blinds as well, gesturing for the boy to continue.

The poor kid didn't even have time to breathe before Natsu was standing at the third window, this time sticking his tongue out, eyes crossed and holding a piece of paper with 'still here' written in the worst handwriting she could possibly imagine. The class laughed outright, and Lucy had to wonder why in the hell none of her students were questioning who the man was, or why he was there.

Or how in Tenrou he even got in the school in the first place.

And how in the living Earth he managed to hop up to the _second story windows._

The teacher closed the blinds, stomped to her desk, shouted for Ray to keep reading or he had detention, and snatched up her phone. With a quick colorful message sent to Nasty-kun, she heaved a sigh and forced herself to keep him out of her mind until class finished.

Which was very hard to do when said Nasty was pounding a tune and beatboxing on the other side of the window.

If Mavis didn't take the wheel and send them flying over a cliff, Lucy was going to do it herself.

Class ended, the bell ringing loudly in the silent halls, signalling the beginning of lunch period, but no one moved from their seats. The blonde dismissed them, yet still, no one got up. They just stared at her expectantly, and Lucy flushed in anger, embarrassment, or something close to that.

"Bell rang! I heard it! Lemme in now!" she heard Natsu say, his voice muffled.

She had never wanted to break a window so badly in her life than in that moment.

Lucy yanked up the blinds and slammed her palm on the window, her face furious. Her phone chimed in her hand, and she already knew who it was calling her. She immediately answered. "Natsu! What the he-heck?!" She bit her tongue to keep from cursing and shouting into the phone.

"Wanna let me in?" he asked.

"No!"

"Aw, why not?"

"Because I am in _school,"_ she said through gritted teeth. "Because I was in the middle of teaching. Because I could get _fired_ due to your shenanigans. _Because why the friggity freak are you here?!"_

The class knew that when she started speaking like that, she was really, really angry.

They embraced the fact that it wasn't due to them this time.

"How did you even get in?!" Lucy screeched, looking down at his chest. She didn't see a visitors pass. The stripper shrugged.

"I hopped over the gate."

"You - Oh my Mavis, I'm going to kick you. So hard. _You jumped over the gate?!_ The one meant to keep bad people _out_?!"

"Well, yeah? The office wouldn't let me in-"

"For good reason!"

"And I really needed to talk to you so I did some parkour and here I am."

"What could _possibly_ be so important that you needed to breach the school walls?!"

"Well, actually, they were gates-"

"Lucy?"

The blonde snapped her head in the direction of the new voice, recognizing it instantly to be Aeryc. The class was still sitting there, lunches pulled out to watch the show, and she sent a glare in their direction. The scathing look shortly turned into a sheepish one, as she grinned uneasy at her coworker. "Ah...Aeryc..."

"I fucking knew it!" Natsu shouted.

"Language!"

"He's bothering you too, I see," the math teacher said, leaning on the doorjamb and crossing his ankles and arms in a casual look as he grinned. "He spent the better part of a half hour at my window, just...glaring at me. I called security."

A wise move, but obviously it didn't work.

"Do you know that man?" he asked.

"No," she quickly answered.

"Yeah she does! I'm her..." Natsu started.

"You're...her? I am confused," Aeryc said, a ghost of a mischievous smirk on his face. Natsu fumed.

"He's her boyfriend!" Lena chimed, and Lucy really wanted to throw a book at her, but that would get her fired if this incident didn't.

She was kidding. She wouldn't throw a book. That was too heavy. Maybe a tissue box or something.

"Ah...Boyfriend?" Aeryc asked, and the look he gave her had her holding her breath.

"He's not my...We're not..." Lucy stumbled over the words, waving her hands frantically. Misinterpretation. That was a common thing among her friends whenever Lucy tried to explain things. For some reason, everyone always thought the wrong things when she spoke. Then the blonde dug herself into a deeper hole trying to clarify. It was not a good time, and Lucy felt her heart racing at the thought of Aeryc getting the wrong idea.

Because if he got the wrong idea then...well...things could get really awkward, really quickly.

"More than friends, less than lovers," Natsu answered, and she glared at him through the window. Why was he still outside anyway? What was he standing on?

Where was security?

So many questions. Not enough answers.

But if she could describe their relationship, more than friends but less than lovers would be pretty accurate.

They did things friends normally wouldn't do (sitting on his lap in really short shorts was one of them) but they hadn't obtained a lovers status (because Natsu was a thick-skulled dimwit that couldn't tell a girl was flirting with him until they yanked their boobs out of their shirt). They were close enough to do those things, but they were far from dating, no matter how much Lucy wanted to. He didn't want to date, she didn't want to date, they could find comfort in each other (not like friends-with-benefits) and it wasn't awkward.

More than friends, less than lovers.

It was one of the few things they could agree on.

Lucy was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Natsu dropped from the windows, the class yelping in fear, Aeryc turning to face down the hallway, and the stripper moving past him to stand beside her. She hadn't noticed any of that - she really needed to pay more attention to her surroundings, like damn - until Natsu slid an arm around her waist tightly.

She nearly screamed, trembling so hard in surprise that she threw a punch into his stomach. He grunted, the students winced, and Aeryc tried - and failed - to hold back a laugh.

Why the hell was he taking this so smoothly?

"So who is that guy?" she heard one kid ask another. And she saw Mikky practically explode at the chance to gossip.

"Oh my goodness, let me tell you. That's Natsu, and he was at the museum, walking back and talking with Sensei and whatnot. You should've seen the way his face dropped when we mentioned Aeryc-sensei!" The girl was practically foaming at the mouth and all in the the random kid's space in excitement. "Like he was all sad looking and stuff, looking at the ground and glancing at Sensei longingly-"

"I was not!" Natsu interjected, and Mikky gave him a look. "Was I?"

"You were."

"Huh...shit."

"Language!" Lucy shouted. She was getting a headache.

Between Aeryc pinning her with an inquisitive stare, Natsu and his antics, her students just watching the whole spectacle with rapt attention, security not doing _anything_ about the fact that a man had literally hopped onto school grounds after he was denied entry, her stomach clenching with hunger and her bladder filled to the brim with piss she needed to get rid of, Lucy felt like her brain was going to end up all over the walls.

Her brain was going to explode, the janitors would complain about how gray matter stains the carpets, the principle would sigh and find a new teacher in her stead, her coworkers would laugh at her funeral about how such little problems caused her death, Natsu would have to find a new best friend, _Heart And Feel Your Love_ would have to find a new temporary model, and she'd get dirt in her panties when she was buried.

Lucy rubbed her temples.

Not happy fun times. None of that would be happy fun times.

"So are you guys like...friends-with-"

"No! No we are not!" Lucy cut the math teacher off.

"Friends with what? Lucy, let him finish his sentence, that's rude," Natsu said.

"Rude?! Rude is making music outside of my second story window while I'm _in the middle of a lesson!_ "

"Couldn't get your attention otherwise..." the stripper grumbled, tightening his arm around her waist and bringing her closer to him. He smelled like spice today, and it tingled her nostrils. It was a pleasant smell, but it wasn't something she would like to smell everyday.

She liked his natural scent better. It was all Natsu.

And it was cozy. Making her feel like she was in a log cabin far out in the forest on a cold winter day. She liked it.

Why was she thinking about his smell now of all times?! Lucy pinched his hand.

"So introductions," Aeryc said again, fiddling with his tie. A habit that Lucy saw him do when he was paying close attention to something. "I don't believe we've properly met. Hello Natsu, I am Aeryc Garenia-"

"Sounds like a flower-"

"That's a Gardenia - and I teach math in this school. I've worked here for about six years, and I haven't taught at any other school since." Aeryc smiled pleasantly, and stuck out his hand.

"You're being too damn civil, Aeryc!" Thomas called. Lucy sent him a glare and the student wilted, "too _darn_ civil, Aeryc- _sensei_."

Natsu made an irritated noise deep in his throat, and reluctantly shook the other man's hand. He was stiff, jerky with his movements, and Lucy noticed that he gripped the math teacher's hand a bit too strong, if the paleness of his hand was any indication. Still, Aeryc wore that lovely smile that belayed no unpleasantness, and even tilted his head a little.

It made Natsu look like a dick for no reason. Poor sod.

"Natsu Dragneel," the pinkette muttered. "Lucy's more than _friend,_ less than _lover_." The blonde wondered why he put so much emphasis on the words, but was too busy trying to keep him from lashing out to ponder it. "Occupation, stri-"

Oh _hell_ no.

"S-Stripe enthusiast!" Lucy interjected, slapping a hand over his mouth. Natsu looked unfazed.

"Stripe enthusiast?" Aeryc asked, his eyes glittering in amusement, like he knew what she really meant but didn't want to say it in front of the kids.

Perceptive bastard. She was going to kick him too.

"Y-Yeah," Lucy stammered. "This man loves his stripes so much, he decided to make a living out of it!"

"What's a...stripe enthusiast?" Joanne asked.

"It's uh...an obscure career. You, uhm...you take different fabrics and clothes and stuff and like...put stripes on them..."

Dear Mavis, she stumbled so much over that lie that she could've created a new dance move.

"A stripe enthusiast," Aeryc repeated, and she could see his face glowing red, trying to keep the laughter at bay. Natsu himself was having a fit beside her, covering it up with coughs that were most likely ruining his throat. Good.

"...Yeah. He likes to make his stripes real straight, you know?" the blonde continued because she was trash and wanted to dig herself in a deeper hole. "He likes to make sweaters with stripes, like _Waldo_. B-But only the front side because to much stripe is too much trouble, right Natsu?" She turned and faced him.

Because now he was keeled over, his forehead almost touching the floor and the laughs just pouring out of his system. It was loud laughter, body jerking, soul-shattering, tear inducing, high-pitched, loud laughter. And Lucy found herself cracking a small smile at the sound of it. At how ridiculous she sounded. At how ridiculous the whole situation was.

She giggled. Which turned into light laughter. Which turned into loud cackles.

Aeryc joined in, as did Mikky, as did Thomas, as did Lena, and Joanne, and Ray, and even Brayson let out a few uncertain chuckles, as if he didn't know what everyone was laughing about.

And in between all of that laughter, she heard someone whisper 'finally, a career for me'. And Lucy laughed harder.  
...

"So are you going to tell me what that was about?" Lucy asked, mixing her ice cream until it was smooth and soft, and not clunky like when she put it in.

She and Natsu sat on his couch at around 9:30 in the evening, the TV playing some show she couldn't remember the name of. It had a balding man and he was talking to a chicken, so it was something weird. He also had a thick mustache that was groomed to perfection, like the _Pringles_ man,

Why didn't Natsu grow facial hair?

That wasn't important.

Anyway, they sat on the couch, her on his lap, his arms wrapped lightly about her waist, his nose in her neck. She sported his sweatpants because screw skirts, and she was comfortable.

At first, she was embarrassed to be in such a comprising and intimate position, especially since they weren't in a relationship and they cuddled, but never like this. She didn't want to be in his lap if they were nothing more than really close friends.

It made her feel some type of way that she shouldn't be feeling about someone who was more than her friend, but less than her lover.

But after he all but yanked her into him and refused to let her go, quietly requesting for her to just 'sit there and let him hug her', she conceded and relaxed in his hold.

She couldn't say she didn't like it, because she did and he was really warm. She couldn't say she was uncomfortable because his sweatpants felt nice (where did he shop at?) and he felt good against her. All solid muscle against her soft back. Add that to his now natural scent (he got rid of the cologne after his shower, thank Mavis) and Lucy almost felt asleep within the first five minutes.

But her ice cream was melting and one does not simply let ice cream go to waste.

(Says the one who literally tossed hers during the first time she and Natsu hung out.)

"What was what about?" Natsu mumbled, and she could feel his words. Not hear, _feel_. It was weird, but nice at the same time.

"The whole Aeryc situation."

He hummed, and Lucy bounced a little to get his attention. His thighs...though she had seen them on multiple occasions, never had she felt them and good God-

"I don't know," the stripper said, propping his chin on her shoulder. His mouth was right next to her ear, his breath playing with the little hairs there. "I don't like him."

"You mean you _didn't_ like him."

"No, I mean I _don't_ like him."

"And why is that?"

He was silent, and Lucy perked.

"Oh goodness, you're _jealous!"_

"No I'm-"

"Yes you are! You totally are!" The blonde shifted in his lap to sling her legs over his, her feet resting against his left thigh and her hands coming up to grip his face and make him look at her. Vaguely, she noticed she was being a bit bold, but she didn't care because -"You're jealous of Aeryc!"

He pouted and she giggled.

"Oh this is _rich-_ _"_

 _"_ Well I'm glad you find this funny-"

"No no no! It's not funny, I'm just...shocked! Like why would you be jealous of Aeryc?"

He looked down, so Lucy pulled his face up. He looked to the left, so she pulled his face to the right. He looked right into her eyes.

"He just...spoke to you like he _knew_ you and-"

"He's gay."

"And he acted like you guys were the best of friends and-"

"Like, really gay."

"And I thought he wanted to be more than friends with you-"

"If there was a vial for how gay he is, he would fill a thousand of them in three seconds."

"And you're saying he's gay but if you saw the way he looked at you-"

"Like a gay best friend looks at a best friend because you know...he's gay."

"He's gay?"

"Oh yes. Has a boyfriend and all. I met the fellow. Nice guy, he is, and they're such a cute couple." Lucy sighed dreamily, and Natsu stared at her. "What?"

"Then..."

"He's not interested in me, and I'm not interested in him."

"But he didn't seem like he was..."

"Is there really a certain way gay people act? Last time I checked, they were normal humans like us, with the same skin, same blood, and-"

"Your kids said..."

"My kids also don't know that he is happily in love with his boyfriend." Natsu's eyebrows furrowed, and Lucy sighed. She put her bowl down on the floor and tugged Natsu's head onto her chest. An intimate action, a little too lovey-dovey for what they were, but he needed to know. "You had asked if I had a type. Well I sort of like guys like Aeryc because he's nice. When I just started out, he gave me tips on how to teach, how to not make the students hate coming to school, told me where the best spots on campus were and encouraged me to have fun, because if I didn't, the kids wouldn't either." She shoved her hand in his spikes, and gently played with the strands. "Aeryc helped me when I was lost, and that's why his type of character is what I prefer. But it's common, and I also like...spontaneous guys." She blushed, and was grateful for the fact Natsu couldn't see it.

"As time passed, he sort of became by best friend at work because he stepped forward. But outside of work, you're my best friend, and you always will be, if you'll have me that is..." She felt him nod and grin from his place on her chest, felt his arms tighten just a little bit around her waist. "Plus I don't think he'll want me as a lover..." They both chuckled at that.

The two sat in silence for a moment longer, Lucy playing in his hair and Natsu toying with the string of fabric that somehow escaped the tight stitching of the hemline. She was content, relaxed, and could feel he was too.

"So..." he piped up after their quiet time. "A stripe enthusiast?"

* * *

1\. In which I abuse italics.

2\. FLUFF. *throws it into the sea of people* FOR FREE. I only require your soul. An extra few tears of your sadness for smut. Would you like to pay in advance or via credit card?

3\. Why am I having a hard time coming up with funny things to say this time?

4\. I don't know. Penis. That's funny right? LAUGH.

5\. MMmMMOooOHhHH mY GOd. I actually really liked writing this chapter. I didn't feel like I was trying to yank out my spine this time. So there's Aeryc. If you were expecting more detail about his character? No. He's important, and I love him, but he's not that important. Maybe he might pop up later? I don't know. I feel like if I put too much effort into him, then you guys wouldn't like him and then I'd be sad because I like Aeryc. But he's there, and he's GAY?! Oh yes, because I love gay people and we don't have too many of them in stories. If you no likey, GET OUT. (not really i was just joking please dont leave i love yoo). And did I mention there's fluff? For free with the exception of your soul? Yeah I'm gonna need that by...now.

6\. Hm. Slightly longer chapter too. Good little Strippets. Goooood. Take this present and read it wisely.

7\. Oh you already read it? Well fuck me.

8\. Not literally. Please for the love of all that is Holy, not literally.

9\. I'm glad some people agree with me that licking q-tips is nASTY Y'ALL NASTY. But oh my goodness, I need you guys to tell me if you tie your shoes with two bunny ears or one. Because I tie them with two and my baby cousin is trying to teach me that tying them with one ear is the "right way" to do it. Youse a little shit Jay but I love you to bits.

10\. AND ABOUT THE THREE HUNDRED REVIEWS, I will be celebrating by writing a smutshot (thanks Doublepasse -.-) which will be posted on here and tumblr. I would do a giveaway but I don't know how to count and won't know who number 300 (great movie) is. It will be posted some time soon, but I don't know when. Sort of kind of busy and all. But check my tumblr ( **slighty-write)** 'cause it'll most likely be up there first.

11\. I _will_ send out replies and PM's. I just...wait.


	17. Chapter 16

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 ** _Xx Chapter 16: Problem xX_**

* * *

"No."

 _"Miss Heartfilia, if you could just think about this-"_

"Okay let me think." She paused. "No."

 _"Lucy-"_

"It's 'Miss Heartfilia' to you."

 _"Miss Heartfilia, you're father would want you to-"_

"My father can sit on a banana for all I care! I'm not doing it!"

 _"It's only a few pictures!"_

"That you'll use, but you'll take about a hundred before you can decide on one!"

The caller sighed, and Lucy scowled. " _We really need this, my Lady. Minerva cancelled before the shoot and we don't have enough time to find another person. Both your mother and father said we were free to call you whenever we were in a pinch. And Miss Lucy, we are in quite a bind."_

Lucy stayed silent.

 _"You know I wouldn't ask this of you unless the situation was truly dire."_

"Capricorn..."

 _"I promise to follow your rules, but we really need this. Sir Jude wouldn't promote this unless it was beneficial to the company. Please Lucy, just a few hundred pictures, and that'll be it."_

"But if my job finds out..."

 _"We'll make sure they don't. Have they ever suspected you? Plus, we'll be following the rules you set for us."_

Lucy sighed softly.

 _"We need this Miss Lucy. You know you miss it."_

The blonde cracked a small smile and twisted a piece of her hair. "Just a little bit."

 _"As you say."_ Capricorn chuckled.

"My rules?"

 _"Your rules."_

"Payment?"

 _"As much as you want."_

Lucy caved. "Okay. I'll show up for the shoot in three days. And Capricorn?"

 _"Yes Miss Lucy?"_

"Never call me Miss Heartfilia again. You know I hate it. I'll kick you if you do it."

The man chuckled. _"Of course, Lucy."  
..._

It felt like it had been forever since she set foot in a studio.

It was bigger, her father had most definitely expanded over the past several months. There were more chairs, more tables, more desks with more receptionists behind them, two move elevators, and was that a new coffee machine? Lucy made a beeline towards it.

Coffee in hand, her taste buds content with the bitter flavor, the blonde made her way towards the only receptionist she liked. Tapping the woman on the head with the customary pen, Lucy smiled a little when she looked up, an apology dying on her lips and being replaced by a wide grin. "Miss Lucy!"

Aries had just touched the tender age of twenty-three, a short two years younger than Lucy herself. She still carried the teenage innocence around her, which made her an easy target for predators and the like. Fluffy pink hair - that would have looked absolutely atrocious on someone else - framed her face and shoulders and looked too adorable on her.

Aries suffered from social anxiety, often having a hard time talking to people in general without stumbling over her words and apologizing for just about everything she did, good and bad. Apparently she had taken this job to help fix, or at least manage it, and Lucy found that admirable. The timid girl had taken a big step forward into trying to solve a problem that she knew she had, and the teacher knew that couldn't have been easy for her. Lucy loved that.

Loke had also stepped in to help Aries, and Lucy was surprised to see that he was genuinely trying. He wasn't trying to flirt with her at all, and she found that impressive, seeing as how her childhood friend couldn't keep it in his pants for two minutes before it sprung free via open zipper. The blonde had slapped a gold starred sticker on his forehead when she witnessed it, glad that he wasn't making Aries' anxiety worse with his 'Casanova' antics.

But Lucy had suspected that one of them harbored a crush for the other, she just didn't know who it was.

Her money was on Aries.

"Hello, Aries," Lucy said. "How is work treating you?"

"I-It's a little difficult, but I am hanging on. It has been really busy lately," Aries answered.

"Really? Because of the shoot today, right?"

"Y-Yes. Today was especially hectic. I'm afraid I missed a few calls...I'm sorry!"

"It's nothing to apologize for, just be sure to call them back." Lucy smiled encouragingly.

"A-Are you here for the shoot, Miss Lucy?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Minerva cancelled, and Capricorn needed a fill in immediately. Do you what happened with her?"

"Y-You know I don't gossip. I'm very sorry!"

"Oh stop that!" The blonde grinned and ruffled the woman's hair before pulling back and fiddling with the chain of the pen. "How about you check me in while you tell me who all is here?"

Aries immediately jumped into work. "O-Of course! Let's see...We have a few photographers from both companies, a few managers, at least two magazine names, and Gildarts Clive himself is here."

"Oh really? Glad I decided to leave Cana at home. Gildarts wouldn't get any work done if she were here." Aries giggled cutely and Lucy thought the girl was too damn adorable for her own good.

"We also have the model Gray Fullbuster signed in..."

"Gray is here?" The receptionist looked up questioningly, silently asking Lucy how she knew Gray. "Mutual friends."

She was _so_ glad she could finally say that to someone.

"A-A few other small time models from _Crocus Clive_ are here, and that's about it. I hoped that helped, and i-if it didn't, I'm sorry!"

Lucy shook her head and thanked Aries, promising to have Loke call her before moving away towards the studio.

That too, was also bigger than she remembered.

There were a lot more set ups sitting around, and it was a lot brighter than she remembered. She could see the umbrellas, the backdrops, the cameras all set up and ready, models walking around, hairdressers, make up artists, some familiar and unfamiliar faces, three water coolers, floors mats, costumes.

Shortly put, very, very crowded.

Lucy sighed.

She almost missed being in this environment. She missed modeling, trying on multiple perfumes, wearing the clothes of her father's company - she wasn't allowed to model lingerie, however, her father threw a cup at the man who had suggested that idea - the flashing lights, befriending the people she worked with.

She missed all of _this,_ but she loved being a teacher _so_ much more.

Her eyes latched onto Capricorn's form, talking to the one and only owner of _Crocus Clive_ , Gildarts Clive. She swore Gildarts hadn't aged a day, but her former butler however, looked older than dirt. Still.

She swore the man was older than Crux, and the historian had lived for far too long.

N-Not that she wanted him to die! It was more like...waiting for him to just kick the bucket...

Anyway.

Lucy walked up to the two, immediately wrapping her arms around Gildarts in a surprise hug. The man didn't even flinch, just sliding an arm around her shoulders while he continued to talk to Capricorn. The older man however, smiled at Lucy as soon as she came into the frame.

"You made it," he said, the deep baritone of his voice scratching her ears. "I wasn't sure if you would show."

"I told you I would," Lucy replied.

"You're a model today?" Gildarts asked, looking down at her with a goofy smile. "Is Cana here with you? Please tell me my lovely daughter is here as well!"

"She's at home. It was a long night at the bar apparently. A lot of fights, a few men with grabby hands-"

It was like a knife had magically appeared in his hand as Gildarts started walking towards the exit, muttering something about 'murder' and 'dead asses'. Both Lucy and Capricorn immediately latched onto each of his arms, trying to keep the man from leaving the building. Well, Capricorn was trying, Lucy was sort of being dragged with him.

"Who's he trying to kill now?" the blonde heard someone say from behind her. A toned looking arm reached out and grabbed the back of the man's shirt, trying to hold him back as well. Lucy turned to face Gray, who grinned at her.

"Every man in existence," the blonde grumbled.

"Including me?"

Gildarts whirled around, grasping Gray's collar, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Did you touch my daughter inappropriately?"

"Of course not, sir!"

"Are you lying?"

"No, sir!"

"Then today, you may keep your balls."

"An honor, sir!"

Against better judgement, Lucy burst out laughing.

They made zero progress in the next hour, much to the irritation of everyone else in the room. The four spent time trying to calm Gildarts down, catching up, talking about random things, flipping to business (which Lucy made a few recommendations, and Capricorn beamed), then flipping right back to random subjects. Lucy enjoyed herself, and felt happier than she had in a while.

It had been a while since she had talked to Capricorn. He had switched from being her butler to being the Vice President of the company when her father offered him the job. It was supposed to go to her mother, but when she had Lucy and started going in and out of hospitals years later, Jude decided that he wouldn't lay that stress on the frail woman's shoulders. Layla trusted Capricorn, knowing the man since she was a teenager herself, and asked if he wanted the position instead.

Capricorn declined. His reasoning being that he wouldn't take such a high paying job, the position being too important for such a small time butler like himself. He knew nothing about the business world, and refused to drag their hard work into the ground.

So Layla had tied him to a chair - literally - and taught him everything he needed to know about the the company, what would be good for it, what would be bad for it, how to tell which things would hinder and which things would evolve them. She did it with a grace and finesse that Lucy later gained, prompting her to become a teacher. Capricorn had been so proud of Layla, and promised to teach Lucy everything that her mother taught him, should she decide to join their field.

After that, Capricorn accepted the offer, becoming the official Vice President of _Heart and Feel Your Love._ He did his job well, quick and efficient, and Jude never regretted offering the position to the old man.

Gildarts had also started _Crocus Clive_ from scratch, but his story was a darker one that she didn't want to get into. Maybe another day.

"...and we can have Lucy pose with Gray for a few shots, to show that this merge is really happening," Gildarts was saying as she tuned in. Lucy started. "Lisanna will take the pictures, and I think Natsu is coming too."

"Natsu's coming? Lisanna's taking the pictures? I'm modeling with Gray? Merge?" Lucy asked, confused. The three men faced her.

"That's what we were just talking about, yes," Gildarts said smiling, amused.

"No no no, Capricorn, you said I would be modeling alone! And what's this about a merge? And Lisanna's the photographer? Natsu's tagging along? Why am I just finding all of this out?"

"I said no such thing, Miss Lucy," the old man say, brushing back his snow white hair. Man, the dude was old. "I told you you would be modeling, and I believed I explained the merge."

"You mentioned a 'temporary alliance'! What's this going to do the company?" she cried.

"It will expand it. _Crocus Clive_ will reach places we haven't yet, and they'll also extend to other areas at a rapid pace. I would get into semantics, but it isn't anything for you to worry about, Miss Lucy."

"This shoot was the whole reason Lisanna came down," Gray added. "I thought you knew?"

"I just thought she was here for some vacation time!" The blonde threw her arms up in frustration. "Why is Natsu coming? He doesn't tie into anything at all!"

"He always comes to my shoots or watches Lisanna work. Something about 'moral support' and 'pointing out things that are stupid'."

Oh no no no. She was not going to have Natsu watch her pose proactively in lingerie with his best friend. That was a fight waiting to happen. It was only a week and a half ago that she finally reassured him about Aeryc. She was not going to have him think that she wanted to have a thing with Gray!

"I can't do this," Lucy said, moving to leave. Capricorn blocked her path, moving faster than she thought that man could. How old was he anyway? He had to be at least eighty something. She'd ask later.

"Miss Lucy, we don't have a replacement-"

"I wasn't told about this-"

"We need to do this today-"

"I can't-"

"Miss Lucy-"

"Cap-"

"Come on, Lucy!" Gray nearly shouted over them. Surprisingly, no one turned around to find out what was going on, all of them too busy with their own work instead of worrying about them. "It's just a few pictures."

"A few _hundred_ pictures! Half naked! Next to you, who will also be half naked! With Lisanna taking the pictures! And Natsu watching for 'moral support' or whatever!" Lucy stamped her foot, getting a little too angry. "I thought I would be posing _alone_ , with _our_ photographers taking the pictures, and none of my _friends_ watching me!"

"We promised your rules, Miss Lucy," Capricorn added desperately. And she felt herself crumbling just a little bit. "You know this is important. We cannot ruin this."

"But..." she protested weakly.

"Your rules," Capricorn pressed, and for a second, the teacher thought he was about to drop to his knees and beg. He looked so distraught, his beady eyes wide and pleading with her to comply. This deal was obviously important to him, and she could destroy the alliance if she didn't do this. But she was very uncomfortable with the thought of having one friend model with her, another friend taking their picture, and her _best_ friend watching the whole thing.

But to ruin her parents work...

She hated business, but not enough to make her family go bankrupt.

Lucy sighed.

"Get me my outfit."

Things sprung into action then. She and Gray were pulled to different corners of the room to be groomed to perfection, and true to Capricorn's word, her rules were applied.

Rule number 1: Brown hair. Blonde wasn't a popular color, and she wouldn't risk getting found out because someone recognized her piss colored tresses.

Rule number 2: The most conservative lingerie they could find. This time, it consisted of a pink lace corset, black seams that climbing up and around her torso, that dipped a little too low, flattering black, silk panties, and a black silk robe to wrap around her shoulders. It showed a lot of leg and chest, but hopefully they'd allow her to cover up a bit.

Rule number 3 - one of the most important rules: No face. Absolutely no face. Her head would be allowed to remained turned if she so pleased, her hair would be allowed to cover her eyes or nose and mouth without complaint, and if it were seen, the picture would be trashed immediately. _No one_ should be able to be see her and know who she was.

And lastly, rule number 4 - the next most important rule: Photoshop. Should her eyes or mouth been seen, they would have to alter the look to make her unrecognizable. She was to look like a whole new person when they were done with it, and with her approval.

One might think she was being a little extreme, but Lucy begged to differ. She took this seriously, and she would not lose her dream job because her father's company needed a _temporary_ model.

As the hairstylists colored her hair and put it into a complicated style that would probably come undone when she breathed, and the make-up people did their thing with her face (she felt like a clown, and verbally complained about it), her eyes fell onto Capricorn's form. His shoulders looked relaxed, not tense like when she walked in, and he has a grand smile on his old, wrinkly face.

Lucy felt bad.

"Cheer up," she heard Gray say as he moved to stand next to her. "It'll be alright."

He was shirtless and in ripped jeans with his underwear showing because of course his underwear had to be showing while he was shirtless. She knew it was to promote the design, but honestly, she felt like it was fanservice at this point. His pictures were always half naked, and briefly, she wondered if he ever got cold.

"Are you okay with this?" Lucy asked, and closed her eyes when the make-up artist instructed her to do so. "You don't mind posing with me like this?"

He shrugged, the muscles clenching and releasing deliciously - yes, deliciously. She would admit that. "Well it's better than some random chick that would take any chance to feel me up." He grinned teasingly. "You won't feel me up, will you?"

"Please, only if they make me. You better pray that you'll get that lucky." She grinned back, and he gave her a mock wounded look before they broke into laughter, much to the irritation of the make-up lady.

"I just hope Natsu doesn't try to kill me over this," Gray said, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Lucy tilted her head while they adjusted her corset. Thank Mavis Gray wasn't looking at all the skin she was exposing.

"Why would he do that?"

The exhibitionist looked incredulous. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Ah shit."

"Curse later, info now."

"Well...he'll probably think I'm trying to steal you away like I 'stole' Anna and Juvia."

Lucy froze.

"Juvia? How do you know Juvia?" she asked.

"Well I don't know her personally, but Natsu did."

No...no no no...don't-

"Juvia was his most recent ex-girlfriend."

Lucy stopped breathing.

* * *

1\. Mm.

2\. Mm.

3\. Mm.

4\. Shit.

5\. So there was a guest reviewer (don't remember your pen name but you know who you are) a while back that mentioned that they wanted to see Lucy modeling because they didn't think her teaching job was doing her justice. I agreed, but I also like the thought of her being a teacher/temporary model. I chewed on that review for a while, and finally put it in a chapter because yes. I like this. I like this a lot. Also, not a lot of humor because I had to put _some_ story in there. The origins of Capricorn everybody. And THE BIG GIRLFRIEND REVEAL! HOLY MOLEY IT WAS JUVIA? Yes, I had that planned out for a while because I have a weakness for the Navia pairing. Now if you look back, the actions make sense, don't they? The reason why Natsu flinched when Lucy mentioned Juvia while on the phone with Levy. The reason why Juvia said that he wasn't worth it when the girls were chillin'. Subtle details everyone. Subtle details.

8\. Sorry no Nasty-kun today, but definitely next chapter.

9\. And definitely more humor because I can't stand writing seriously.

6\. Did I seriously just mess up the number form?

7\. Too lazy to fix it now.

10\. I'm tired guys. How many of you drink with your pinky up? I do, all the time, even with bottles. Makes me feel like a ma'am when I'm really just a toaster.

11\. Don't own Fairy Tail because why would I? I can barely write.


	18. Chapter 17

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 _ **Xx Chapter 17: Picture Perfect xX**_

* * *

Lucy slouched in her chair, looking like an undignified child.

Natsu dated Juvia. Juvia dated Natsu.

Her best friend dated her roommate. Her roommate dated her best friend.

Water woman probably had sex with pyromaniac. Pyromaniac probably had sex with water woman.

How did that work?

They were opposites!

But...now that she thought about it, it made a lick a sense...

Juvia had been dating a mystery guy for three years shortly before she moved in with Lucy. The whole reason the blue-haired beauty had moved in at all was because she couldn't sit in the house she and her ex-boyfriend spent so much time together. Juvia had been torn apart after the breakup, sobbing messily everyday for a month, burning all of the pictures that they shared, even going as far as changing her phone number. The poor girl was a mess, and Lucy had spent the better part of three months comforting her friend.

So if Natsu was dating Juvia at the time, why didn't she ever meet him before?

"You have my tripod set up?" Lucy heard a female say, and turned just in time to see Lisanna strut into the building, looking like a model herself in her loose flowing dress. The white-haired woman turned to Capricorn, unzipping her camera bag and pulling out the device itself. "Who will be the lucky model?"

"You will actually be taking pictures of Gray-" Capricorn started.

" _Again?_ You would think that I'm skilled enough to get a better model."

"Hey!" Gray shouted.

And Lucy's heart squeezed when Natsu walked in, hands in his pockets and making a beeline towards his rival. That man had dated Juvia, had either broke her heart, or got his heart broken.

Usually, she would quickly hop to her friend's defense. But in a case like this, she couldn't take either side. She couldn't because they were both her friends. She cared for them equally, and she didn't know the whole story. If she took Juvia's side (like before, when she didn't know Natsu) it would hurt Natsu. But if she didn't take Juvia's side, then it would hurt her, and Lucy didn't have enough money to replace the floor again.

Lucy was officially caught in between a rock and a hard place.

"And even better news, Lisanna," Capricorn said, his wrinkled face pulled into a large smile. "You've always wanted to take pictures of the Heartfilia heiress. Well, here's your chance." He did a dramatic sweep of his arm and revealed the blonde-turned-brunette in all her lingerie glory. Lisanna squealed and ran up to the teacher, while Natsu and Gray went silent.

Gray already knew what she looked like, but Natsu didn't, and Lucy never thought she'd feel so... _naked_ , while wearing the most amount of underwear in a while. She saw his mouth fall open just a little bit, his eyes glaze over just enough to be noticeable, his hands clench ever so slightly-

"Lucy! Your hair! Where is the blonde?! I don't see it!" Lisanna gushed, diving her fingers into the temporary model's hair and messing up the hairdo. The hair stylist fainted, but Lisanna paid no mind to it, continuing to flick the tresses from shoulder to shoulder. "You look good though! Is this a new product?"

"Uh...yeah," Lucy said, smiling crookedly and fiddling with the sash of the robe. "It's supposed to come out next week."

"It looks great on you! Pink really is your color!"

"Thanks."

Natsu was still staring at her. And then he was stomping towards her. And then he was pulling her away from the others and into a corner. And her ankles couldn't take the beating that she was getting in those heels.

He didn't let her speak before he pushed her up against a wall, settling her within the cage of his arms and leaning in closer than she could handle.

His breath smelled like bacon.

He had bacon for breakfast and didn't think to call her?

The prick!

"I thought you weren't answering my messages because you were busy. Turns out you're here walking around in panties!" Natsu said, sounding absolutely furious. Lucy should've been worried but...he was hot and this scenario was hot and she was in provocative panties and...

He dated Juvia...

Lucy crossed her arms. "How come you didn't tell me you dated Juvia for a time? A time equivalent to _three years_?"

"That's not important-"

"I beg to differ! She's one of my best friends Natsu, _you're_ one of my best friends! Don't you think that I should've known who you were dating?"

"Why would you need to? We're just friends."

And Lucy froze.

Yeah. Yeah they were just friends. They had been friends for over six months now. They had hung out many times as friends. They had talked to each other about things as friends. They saw each other as _just friends_.

But...why did that not feel good enough?

"Because..." Lucy started, opening and closing her mouth, fumbling for words. "Because as friends, I feel like I need to know who to defend in this situation." She felt her anger climbing, and she pushed her hands against his solid chest, ignoring the slight flexing underneath her palms. "Because as friends I feel I need to know who to feel sympathy for!" She hit his chest again, making him stumble back a bit. "Because as _friends_ , I feel bad that I was blaming you for the reason Juvia was a wreck for the next three months when you're now one of my friends too!" Lucy shoved the sleeve of her robe up her arm and stared him down, fury plain in her gaze. "So I just thought that I had a right to know, as _friends_!"

His eyes flashed, and Lucy found herself taking a step back, away from him. He didn't follow her. "Why didn't you tell me you were modeling today? Why didn't you tell me you were a model?" he asked.

"You knew my father was-"

"The founder of _Heart and Feel Your Love_ , yeah I get that but why - why didn't you tell me you were a model for your own product?" He gestured to her attire. "Lucy, you're a teacher! You can't be walking around with stuff like this! Didn't you say your company is like, second best?"

Lucy crossed her arms, unconsciously pushing her breasts up and out, drawing Natsu's eyes to the flesh for a brief second. She didn't notice it. "It is-"

"And you're not gonna worry about your co-workers seeing you like that?"

"I've done this plenty of times, Natsu. We have rules set up, and they abide by them."

"And why are you posing with Gray?" The stripper clenched his fists. "All these models in here, and you have to pose with Gray?"

"I didn't even know until I got here! But I'm still going to do it."

"But I don't want you to-"

"Why?" Lucy asked, a wry grin on her face. She took a small step closer. "Because you're afraid he's going to steal me away?" Natsu didn't answer. "You shouldn't be worried about that, because we're just friends, remember?" She turned when she heard her name being called, gesturing for one more minute alone.

When she turned back to Natsu, she was surprised to his face pulled into a grimace, thoughtful, and the blonde tried to not feel bad for him. She couldn't let him get all upset with her for something she wanted to do when she didn't get mad at him for taking off his clothes for money. She was doing the same, except pictures were allowed, so he was being a hypocrite.

And she tried not to let herself think that this was her first official fight with him...

"Lucy-" Natsu started, but the temporary model raised a hand to keep him from saying anymore.

"No. You're going to wait until my shoot is over, then we're going out and we're going to talk about this. You're going to talk to me about Juvia, and I'm going to kick you and we're not going to fight anymore because this is straight bullshit. Okay? So you better prepare your argument, because I'm good at turning it around and making you seem like the bad guy." Lucy grinned as Natsu cracked a small smile and grabbed her hand. "My father is Jude Heartfilia, remember?"

He finally chuckled, and Lucy's previous anger abated. Oh, it'd come back later when she was doing the shoot, but at least she would blow up on someone else. "I'm going now," she said.

"Can you not like...touch Gray too much? Like sit on the wall furthest from him?"

"I would if I could. I don't like modeling with other people."

"Can you like, kick him in the balls if he gets too close?"

"Maybe, but that's if he touches me inappropriately. In that case, he won't be able to make children."

"Oi, Gray!" Natsu shouted, gaining the attention of half of the studio. "Grabs Lucy's boobs as many times as you can! I don't want you to have any balls by the time this is done!"

"Natsu!" Lucy hissed.

"Fuck you, Ash-hole!" Gray shouted back, throwing the middle finger at him. Natsu threw it back, and Lucy slipped her hand from his to make her way to the mat. She heard Natsu grumbling behind her as he followed her and everyone took their places.

Lucy took her stand in the middle and faced Lisanna. "I hope Capricorn told you, but my rules apply." The photographer nodded and smiled, giddy with the thought of taking pictures of her idol. "Okay, a few solo pictures so I can get in the groove. It's been a while. Capricorn, I only want the best in the magazine, and I want you to look at them before I do. Gray, stand a little to the side over there - that's good. Lisanna, get it from this angle - a little lower. Lower - not that low, pervert! There you go, right there. Alright, music! Let get this over with."

The music started and Lucy was a whole new person. Her nice, almost Happy-Go-Lucky Lucy Heartfilia was gone and replaced by the stuck-up model persona. Lucy personally hated the way she changed completely, but it was necessary to get the best pictures, therefore, making the session a lot shorter than it would be.

But Lucy had to admit, she looked pretty damn good when she tried.

Her bangs falling over her eyes just so, her lips curled into a small smile, the robe slipping off of her shoulder, leaving the skin cold, her legs crossed and pulled to her chest, pushing up her assets, she looked pretty damn sexy. Even Gray had to look away before Natsu shanked him. Lisanna was bursting in excitement, gushing over the teacher as she changed her poses and managed to look even more seductive when she wasn't looking at the camera.

Lisanna was in Heaven, Lucy was in Purgatory, Gray was in Neverland, and Natsu was in the Void.

Poor stripper kept sneaking glances at the model every few seconds.

She saw his eyes roam over every piece of skin revealed, looking like he wanted to wrap the robe around her tighter and throw a large blanket over her to keep everyone from looking. He looked like he wanted to drown every male staring at her with blatant lust, wanted to trip every woman looking at her with blatant envy, and wanted to stab Gray when he so much as peeked in her direction with blatant boredom.

Natsu looked like he wanted to just...set the place on fire and watch the world burn.

Even more so when she finally called Gray in.

Their poses were...uncomfortable to say the least. Lucy had to drape herself over him more than once, and he had to hold her close multiple times. She sat on his lap a few times too many, and he held her for too long, at least in her opinion.

But she did have to admit that Gray was a fantastic model.

He took his work very seriously, not even playing around as much as she tried to, to make the situation less awkward. He would swat her hands away when she would try to tickle him, or snarl when she pulled his hair too hard, or snap when she picked at his ripped jeans because she felt like it.

So when they had him pull her into his lap, way closer than she felt comfortable with, had him snake an arm around her waist and the other resting along her thighs while she draped her arms over his shoulders, perfume bottle hanging loosely from her fingers, Lucy couldn't find a way to make the situation less...well...less intimate.

But then Capricorn had to go on and tell them to practically kiss, and that was what drew the line.

"They're close enough, don't you think?" Natsu snapped, balling his hands into tight fists. "I mean, this is just a photoshoot, there's no need for them to be so..." He gestured with his hands. And by gestured, he literally just punched them together.

Whatever he was trying to convey there, went completely over everyone's heads.

"Nonsense!" Lisanna cried, gobbling up all of the tension between the three of them and the murdeous intent coming from Natsu. "You can never be too close!"

"Yes you can! And I'm saying they're way too fucking close!"

Lucy wanted to say something, tell the pyromaniac to calm down and just relax, to go piss or something, but Capricorn beat her to it.

"Well it is just a merge between our companies, not between our two best models," the Vice President said, stroking his long white beard. It was very reminiscent of Santa Claus. Lucy wanted to braid it.

"See?!"

"And I don't think this pose will sell, so how about Natsu joins in?"

"You're shitting me."

"I am not."

"Go plug it, old man."

Capricorn bristled. And Lucy didn't see what he was trying to do.

Natsu wasn't a model, much less one for either company. She doubted he had any experience other than what he saw Gray do. He couldn't keep still for four seconds before he started shifting because his butt hurt or something like that. He was impatient, stubborn, and most likely wanted to chop Gray in the throat.

So...what was Capricorn trying to do?

"We need a new face, and this won't be a permanent thing unless you want it to be-"

"You can piss on that idea-"

"And you may be just what we need."

Natsu breathed, "But-"

"Alright then, Miss Lucy, please kiss Mr. Fullbuster."

Natsu stripped off his shirt faster than Lucy could process Capricorn's request.

Surprisingly, Natsu was exactly what they needed.

He didn't like Gray being so close to her, so he pulled her away. Gray complained and pulled her right back, his reasoning being it was part of the set. Natsu didn't like that, so he yanked her away again, causing Gray to fuss and jerk her back. They started arguing, Natsu shoved his toe in Gray's mouth and the model retaliated by coughing in his face.

Lucy sat there, trying to figure out where they went wrong.

Lisanna kept her finger on the button.

Capricorn and Gildarts fist-bumped.

In the mess that was their photoshoot, many good photos came out of it.

Natsu helped because the tension that was between him and Gray caused a fierce, no-nonsense, genuinely 'jealous' look between the two of them. Lucy's 'why me' expression could be easily mistaken as one made during a hard decision. Having to 'choose between two men' who were supposed to symbolize two types of product sold at both companies, showed that not only would the products be sold in the other company, but they would also be sharing the spotlight for as long as the alliance went on.

It was...spontaneously brilliant. Lucy would have to compliment Capricorn later.

As the blonde washed the dye from her hair and changed out of that God awful outfit, she found that Natsu had stuck to her side. When she was about to walk away without telling him, he would grab her hand and follow. When she talked to Lisanna about the pictures, Natsu had demanded he be included. When she congratulated Gray on his hard work, Natsu had all but slapped the man in the face. Another fight ensued, and Lucy had to drag him away before it got too messy.

All in all, it was a...trying day, and it still wasn't over.

Because she still had to find out about Juvia.

Which she was going to do now because this was something that couldn't wait.

* * *

1\. I haven't updated because shitty internet.

2\. That's all the excuse you're getting out of me.

3\. You ever try typing the rest of a chapter on a cell pbone? It's horrible, especially when it keeps changing Lisanna to Piranha, and Gray to Yeah.

4\. Shout out to autocorrect for being a dumbass.

5\. So this chapter started off good, then it got bad, and now I'm thinking about rewriting it when my internet fixes itself. So be on the lookout for that. I'll let y'all know. And why have two models and a jealous non-lover when all can be included, hm hm?

6\. Phone. Can you kindly stop correcting all my words pleadr?

7\. And the one time I need you to, you don't. Yuck you.

8\. I'm so done. Let me know if you have this problem because goddamn it's annoying.


	19. Chapter 18

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 18: I Remember xX_**

* * *

 _"Ah shit!"_

 _"Juvia is sorry!"_

 _"Shit! Fuck! Hanging ballsack!"_

 _"Juvia-"_

 _"Igneel is gonna be so pissed when he sees the scarf."_

 _"Juvia is-"_

 _"Hey lady, you think he'll hit me? He does that from time to time."_

 _"Juvia was once concerned about Stranger-san's clothes, but now she is concerned about the house he lives in."_

 _"Nah, he's not abusive. He just likes to show a bit of tough love, you know?"_

 _"There is nothing loving about abuse-"_

 _"Look, I don't want to have this conversation while I'm standing in sopping wet, coffee scented clothes."_

 _"Juvia is-"_

 _"Sorry, yeah I get it. Instead of apologizing, how about you put those legs to use and go get me some napkins, and then we can forget this scene ever happened."_

 _"Juvia can agree to that."_

 _..._

 _"Juvia is very sorry!"_

 _"Again? Seriously? This is the second time this week! How do you manage to spill coffee on the same person in the same week?!"_

 _"Fate!"_

 _"Bullshit."_

 _"Probably. But Juvia didn't mean to. Will Stranger-san's scarf be okay? It's white..."_

 _"No it won't be okay, but it's just a scarf. You know, a scarf that has sentimental value, and means more to me than my unborn eighth child. A scarf that I'm always wearing, even while it's hot out. A scarf that my father gave me before he blasted himself with some fireworks - stupid ass. He's still alive somehow, but he suffered serious damage to his brain. He's more stupid now."_

 _"..."_

 _"It's just a scarf."_

 _"JUVIA IS-"_

 _"Going to buy me a medium tea to make up for the mess, right?"_

 _"Will that make Stranger-san forgive Juvia?"_

 _"Make it a large and I'll think about it. The name is Natsu by the way. I don't like being called Stranger."_

 _"Natsu-san, Juvia's name is-"_

 _"No, don't tell me! I'm going to take a wild guess. It's Aubrey, isn't it?"_

 _"No, it's Juvia."_

 _"...You know, there's a little thing I like to call sarcasm..."_

 _..._

 _"Natsu-san, right?"_

 _"Well slap my ass and call me Sally-"_

 _"Juvia doesn't really want to-"_

 _"-we actually see each other without my clothes being stained!"_

 _"Juvia is quite clumsy-"_

 _"No. Really?"_

 _"But she is quite graceful when she wants to be! See, Juvia used to be a dancer-"_

 _"Then why can't you put that finesse to use and not redecorate my wardrobe?"_

 _"Because **fate!** "_

 _"Because **bullshit!** "_

 _They shared a laugh._

 _"Natsu-san is quite funny."_

 _"Some would say I'm a piece of shit."_

 _"Well, isn't that the same thing?"_

 _"Oh she has jokes!"_

 _"Juvia is-"_

 _"Why the hell are you always apologizing? Don't you know any other phrases?"_

 _"None that wouldn't be offensive."_

 _"Wait...seriously?"_

 _"See, there's a little thing Juvia likes to call sarcasm..."_

 _..._

 _"Hello again Natsu-san!"_

 _"Well isn't someone a little happy to see me?"_

 _A light blush dusting pale cheeks. "Just a little. Juvia...enjoys the talks we have."_

 _"You do?"_

 _"...Just a little."_

 _"Well good, because I like having them. You're not bad company."_

 _"Juvia thinks Natsu-san's initial opinion of her was quite low."_

 _"Not gonna lie, it was. But only because you had dumped two coffee's on me. My friends made fun of me for it."_

 _"Juvia is-"_

 _"Aaaaand there's the apology."_

 _"Actually, she was going to say something else."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yes. Juvia is...sorry."_

 _"You little-"_

 _A giggle escaped her, and Natsu paused before letting a grin grow on his face._

 _"Hey Juvia. Do you have a cellphone?"_

 _..._

 _And that's how it went for the better part of six months._

 _Juvia and Natsu talked everyday, tossing good-natured jabs as they gradually became more comfortable with each other. It took a while for Juvia to open herself up and become more animated around him, but of course he accomplished it._

 _Because it was Natsu. Enough said._

 _They would talk about minor things such as what their High School life was like, how much money they lost while gambling, who was the baby's father of that person who just walked by because it sure as shit wasn't that man walking with her._

 _See? Minor things like that._

 _(Well, in Natsu's mind at least. But then again, everything was in that boy's head.)_

 _They fell into a small routine. Meeting up at the coffee shop at around 5:00 each afternoon, spend the better part of two hours there just talking, then going to some cheap resturant to get some dinner before parting ways. And in that small routine, they didn't speak of anything involving their personal lives, only just trying to get a feel of the other person's character._

 _Juvia thought Natsu was loud, hyper, a little too enthusiastic about Chihuahuas, but honest, open-minded, semi pure-hearted and a well rounded figure._

 _Natsu thought Juvia was...something else in the...other way, he supposed._

 _But surpisingly, they got along swimmingly. It took about a year and a half to admit that they were starting to feel some type of way about each other that wasn't strictly...platonic, and even when they did admit it, it took about another three months for them to actually **do** something about it._

 _And even **then** , it took a while for them to be comfortable with the idea of actually dating._

 _It was a slow process. Very slow, but it happened._

 _And when it did, they proved to have a very strong relationship._

 _Of course, with any relationship, problems arose swiftly and threathened to break them apart. There was jealousy, because even though it's a disgusting emotion, one can't feel love without it, the two going hand-in-hand._

 _There was the 'are you cheating on me?' phase, to which Natsu shot down with a simple 'who the fuck would date me? They'd have to be seriously stupid', which Juvia responded with 'is Natsu-san calling Juvia stupid?'_

 _("Well I'm not calling you smart!", "Natsu Dragneel!" The previous argument quickly morphed into a new one.)_

 _There was the typical 'my old flame came to see me again and asked if we wanted to give it another try', and Natsu flipped shit when Juvia told him. He had found the man's number and gave him a call to let him know that Juvia had moved on in the nicest way possible._

 _("I will find you, and I will kill you." "Natsu-san!")_

 _The 'I think I'm falling in love with someone else' case. That one lasted no more than thirty seconds._

 _("Natsu-san. She's a poster." "Doesn't mean my heart can't beat faster when I see it!" "Hello? Mount Massive Asylum? This is Juvia Lockser, and she would like to check someone in.")_

 _The 'we should break up because you deserve someone so much better than me'. That argument had lasted the longest, both of their insecurities coming into play._

 _Natsu admitted to thinking something was wrong with him, because his last girlfriend had left him so quickly that he hadn't had time to recover. He admitted to being a little crazy at times, way too trigger happy in certain fights, having a slightly bitter opinion on parents because his own biological ones had left him._

 _That was the one that gave him pause._

 _ **Was** there something wrong with him? Was that why his mother and father abandoned him in front of the orphanage like that? Was it because he was too expensive (because let's be real, babies are super expensive)? Was it because he wasn't shaping to be what they wanted him to be? Was he a reminder of something bad, and they couldn't look at him for that reason? Natsu was hurt._

 _And Juvia had comforted him by saying that there wasn't anything deeply wrong with him that would garner hatred of any kind. It wasn't his fault that his parents had left him (if they didn't want him, they shouldn't have had him. They made birth control and condoms for a reason. Safe sex everybody.) She told him that his last girlfriend had lost a very valuable person - whether a friend or a lover - when she had left Natsu._

 _Natsu was one of a kind, and Juvia admitted that she wouldn't let him go, even if they did break up._

 _And they did, about a year later. Lost to the 'I think...I think I'm falling out of love with you.'_

 _It had nothing to do with Gray, for Juvia was still with Natsu long after she had met the man. It was more of a...'I've been thinking about this for a while and don't we seem better as friends?' sort of situation._

 _Oh the attraction was still there, but they felt they didn't necessarily look very...natural together. They were seen in the eyes of the public like a crack pairing._

 _Of course, both parties were heartbroken, but in the end, they decided it was best. They could still be friends without the past relationship in the way._

 _But they needed something to blame it on._

 _Natsu, of course, blamed it on Gray, and Juvia, of course, blamed it on Natsu. No real reason as to why they chose those people, but it helped cope with the fact that they weren't together anymore._

 _One month later, the hydromaniac moved out of her old place and into a house with a friend of hers he didn't know. Natsu stayed where he was, but he could still see bits of Juvia wherever he looked._

 _And that was okay. Because at least they ended the relationship on good terms, unlike that other woman who was now insignificant in his life._

 _At least he and Juvia didn't crash and burn._

 _..._

"Oh Natsu...I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry, Lucy. It wouldn't make much of a difference."

"I wasn't going to say I'm sorry. I was going to say I'm still thirsty." The blonde called over the waiter. "Can I get another mojito?" The man nodded and left.

There they sat, in a three star resturant talking about his last relationship.

What was she doing with her life?

After the shoot, they had decided to have dinner together so they could go in depth about his dating past. Going to his house would conjure up inappropriate images of her two best friends doing the nasty, and most likely cause him to get upset because that was one of the places they spent most of their time.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and she didn't want to cause a scene if she heard something unpleasant, so there they were, sitting on somewhat fancy leather seats, nursing alcohol to lighten the mood.

Lucy downed the rest of her mojito, and set it on the table, popping her lips loudly. That was a good drink! "I must say Natsu..." she saw him flinch as she spoke, "I'm going broke because of you."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Lucy-"

But she held up a hand to stop him. "We're always going out and spending money on food and stuff. Before it was just work and home. Now it's work, buy some ice cream, meet up with Natsu, go to dinner, play at the park, and then home. _Nab Me Some Cream_ \- who's the owner of that place again? Is it that Nab guy? - anyway, their workers know my face and name by now. I'm pretty sure they think I'm some secret manager they've never heard about."

"Are you serious?"

"Dead."

Natsu scowled.

"Lucy," he started, and Lucy thanked the waiter when he delivered her drink. She pressed the edge to her lips. "Can you be seriously serious for a second?"

"I am seriously serious-"

"I just told you about my relationship with your best friend!" he exploded. The people in the resturant didn't look. "Shouldn't you be a little...you know, worried or upset about that?"

"It's the alcohol. It's clouding my judgement."

"Lucy!"

"Well what do you want me to do?!" Lucy barked. Three or four heads turned, then went right back to their meal. "Do you want me to yell at you? Leave you alone to start brooding about something that's over and done with? Do you want me to hit you or something because you ended off the best relationship Juvia ever had? I thought you both agreed to break up!" Oh she was on a roll now. "Do you want me to find Juvia and ask her if you guys could get back together? Why in Mavis's name would I do that when it's so obvious you both have moved on? Want me to say I'm sorry and console you? You hardly look like you're hurt! Perhaps I should start crying because neither of you wanted it to end? Oh here come the waterworks. Waaah. Waaah." Lucy took a sip of her drink. Natsu frowned.

"You don't need to be like that."

"I know, but if I were any other way, you wouldn't listen to me." The blonde sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "So what do you want me to do?"

She saw Natsu rub at the lines in his forehead, and she almost felt bad. Almost. Irritation was still clawing at her senses, enhanced by the alcohol. "I want you to be honest," he nearly whispered. Lucy put her drink down.

"You're going to regret saying that," she joked, and smiled when she saw him grin a little. "I will admit to being a little...hurt and angry when I heard about it. I mean, I heard it from Gray, and not the main man himself. That kind of stung a little bit." She saw Natsu start to open his mouth, and quickly shoved a bread roll in it before he could speak. She didn't need any interruptions.

"It's not the relationship that I'm angry about, it's just that you didn't tell me about it. Sure, it's weird to think that you and my friend dated for a while and were very happy. But you just told me that there was no bad blood between you two. Now I'd feel differently if that were the case, but it isn't, so I'm moving on."

Because why would she sit there and be jealous and upset about something that ended long before she came into the picture? It hurt initially, but initially is gone and now is after (that sentence made no sense in her head, but hell, she knew what she meant). Why would she be mad at Natsu when it was neither of their faults that the relationship ended? It was stupid to be angry just to be angry, especially about something that was dead and gone.

Now if it had happened a few months ago, that would be a different story.

"I heard that you still talk to Juvia," Lucy pointed out.

"I do," Natsu answered.

"Are you two still on good terms?"

"Yeah, she's still trying to get me to go to Mount Massive Asylum."

"Wasn't that in a game?"

"Huh. It sounds like it right? I'll let someone else figure it out."

Lucy giggled, and took another sip of her mojito. "How long have you known that I was friends with Juvia?"

"Since the first day we hung out."

"That long?"

"Yeah, I heard Levy mention her name and thought 'well shit, you were that friend'."

Lucy switched to her water and started chewing on the straw. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I like having balls and I didn't want them to disappear."

"I'm not Erza."

"But you're a woman. That's still pretty fucking close."

Lucy hummed and pulled out her wallet - which was getting smaller by the day - and slapped a couple bills on the table to pay for their food and drinks. Natsu was driving her home, so she quickly finished her mojito and stood to leave.

She could feel the tension rolling off the stripper in waves, and inwardly sighed. He still thought she was mad, but really, what should she be mad about? It wasn't like he committed a crime by dating Juvia. She couldn't control who he wanted to be with and for how long. Natsu was his own person, and they were already broken up.

"You know, Lucy," Natsu started as he turned the car around another corner. The blonde grunted. "Some people would be mad, and start sulking."

"Give it time."

"I'm being serious!"

"So am I."

"God dammit Lucy."

"I'm not most people." The teacher rolled her head to face him, and gave him a small smile. "I don't let the past bring me down. I think about it, be angry for a minute, then move on because I have better things to do with my life."

And Natsu smiled, so bright, so pure, so innocently that she couldn't stop the pounding of her heart or the bright smile that crept upon her own face.

And later that night, when she called her parents to wish them a nice sleep, she told them about him, everything about him. About how he dated Juvia, about how he wanted to be a firefighter, but became a male stripper/phone sex operator instead, about how he worked on fireworks sometimes and had an ugly dog that gave her nightmares.

Her father was upset of course, because when wasn't that man upset about something. But her mother was more...more...there wasn't a word for how her mother reacted. Disapproving would be one, but interest was another, and curious could be one, but eager was there too. The woman just demanded that she meet him as soon as possible, and she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Lucy went to bed with a heavy mind. She wouldn't be upset, but she would think about it for a while. How could she not? It wasn't something that happened everyday.

But after she mulled about it for a few days, she'd make sure that she'd be back to her regular self.

Because she wouldn't let something as stupid as an old flame ruin her friendship with the weirdest person she'd ever met.

* * *

1\. Guess the song: "It's too late to apologize! It's too late!"

2\. Which is why I'm not gonna say I'm sorry. I know I'm late, you know I'm late, the dog shit on the ground knows I'm late, so let it be known that I am late.

3\. Would you like an excuse? Because I'm a piece of ass. There's your excuse.

4\. Typed this one on my phone again. Thanks autocorrect for not dicking me over.

5\. *flings an in depth description of why I used flashbacks for half of the chapter because I damn well felt like and how I kept Navia low because this is a NaLu story so I kept the love to a minimum and the humor to a maximum because that's how I do things and no one can tell me different and how I can't stand cats but I'm so fascinated by them sometimes and oops that's not apart of the chapter at your lovely faces* So, moral of the story is that I'm shit and I hope that this chapter cleared up some concerns I saw in the reviews.

6\. If not, welp...I'm shit out of luck.

7\. I reeeeeally need to stop fucking cursing.

8\. So...402 reviews, huh? I'm...just...let me sit here and process this for a bit.

9\. Free beers to anyone who can tell me what game Mount Massive Asylum is from. That game almost made me shit my pants because it plays on all of my fears.

10\. Too much information? Ask me if I give a damn.

11\. Screw off if you think I own said game and Fairy Tail.

12\. The sass in this author's note is overwhelming.


	20. Chapter 19

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 19: ...(no song because I can't think) xX_**

 ** _(PS: no that's not a song, and this isn't either)_**

* * *

Natsu fucking hated bowling. It was a shit sport.

No offense to anyone who liked bowling, but it's a really shit sport.

Why was it even called a sport?

Fuck.

Anyway, unadulterated hatred of bowling aside, he did have to say it was fun to do when he was around the right people. Not Gray because fuck Gray, and not Erza because he didn't want to have to pay for the shit she would break. But bowling was kind of fun when he wasn't thinking about how ugly the place was, or how he would try to use the heaviest ball available (and fail in style), or how the three holes people stuck their fingers in symbolizes the three holes in a girl's - or boy's - body (mouth, bootyhole, and cho-cha a.k.a va-jay-jay-ay)).

So watching Lucy struggle to lift the ball, and softly cursing when it slipped from her fingers, was pretty freaking funny. And seeing her roll the ball and get a perfect 7-10 split, her face turning pink in rage, had him nearly in stitches.

But seriously, fuck bowling.

"The ball doesn't hit the pins I want it to!" the blonde cried, throwing her hands up in rage. She turned to the ball as it was spat out from the little machine thingy (because what the fuck was that thing's name?), and pointed at it fiercely. "Hit the pins I want you to!"

Just to piss her off, and make her seem more like a weirdo, Natsu thought it would funny to play the ball's part. "Yes, Madam Lucy."

She whirled around to face him and swiped her thumb across her throat. He grinned and she almost flipped the bird, but thought better of it instead, so she gave him a thumbs up.

Then it was his turn, and he bowled a strike, turning to face Lucy with a smug grin. She looked slightly envious of his skills, but she still wore that little smile.

"Where are all these flies coming from? Oh right, Natsu's here, and they flock to shit," he heard Gray say.

This was why he hated bowling. Because fuck him!

"Shit? Did you see that strike? That _speed_ , that _precision-_ "

"Do you even know what precision means?" he heard Levy mutter, but he did what he did best. Ignored her.

"That _finesse-_ "

"Now he's just getting cocky," Lucy laughed.

"I am, and do you know why? Because I got a strike!"

"Lucky shot," Gray scoffed, and stood to take his turn while Natsu moved to take his seat next to Lucy, but not before he tripped Gray on his way. The model ate shit, Levy giggled, and Lucy outright laughed in his face before he grabbed his ball.

Gajeel slept. And how he could sleep in a place like this, Natsu would never understand.

He couldn't remember how long it had been since he told Lucy about Juvia, but it had to be around two months. He wasn't good with dates, and he had a shit memory too. Now that there wasn't anything he was 'hiding', he felt a little more comfortable with her. He was already really comfortable, but now he was even more so.

And it was weird because he thought he was starting to like her in a more-than-friends kind of way.

What way was that, you ask?

The 'I-want-to-shove-my-tongue-down-her-throat-and-dick-in-her-lady-parts' kind of way.

Well, when he put it like that, he sounded disrespectful. 'Buy-her-dinner-and-maybe-cuddle-on-the-couch-for-the-night-and- _then-_ shove-my-tongue-down-her-throat-and-dick-in-her-lady-parts' sounded _way_ better.

Sort of.

But then again, Natsu never had a knack for words.

Back to Lucy.

He didn't know if it was love or something, but it definitely wasn't pure and it definitely wasn't platonic. He glanced down and saw her cross those mile long, fleshy legs of hers in that short skirt. Saw her fold her hands in her lap, unconsciously pushing her breasts together and deepening that massive cleavage in that super tight and low cut shirt-

Like why the fuck would a high school teacher wear clothes that small?! And did he have a problem with it?

Impossible questions.

Though right now, he was trying to figure out how he got dealt into going fucking bowling with Gray and Gajeel of all people.

It started out as just him and Lucy, then Lucy got a call from Levy wanting to hang out, and the bookworm brought Gajeel, then Gray poofed into existence somehow.

It was probably more detailed and organized than that, but Natsu was anything but.

Wait, what was he talking about?

Ah screw it, new subject.

"I'm shit?" Natsu called out to Gray, who had knocked over four pins. "You just tickled them!"

"Shut up, Pyro!"

"Oh wow, _real_ creative."

"I will eat your babies!"

He didn't like that idea. Especially since he saw his babies with blonde hair.

And he wondered where the hell that came from.

At this point, he had already acknowledged he harbored a little teeny-weeny crush on her from a while back (she was super nice and really hot, who wouldn't have a crush on that?), but his friendship with her covered those feelings like a heavy blanket in the winter time. And he already knew that she nursed a small crush on him as well (because who didn't? Especially since the met when he was taking his clothes off). It was just the matter of them not doing anything about it because neither of them wanted to ruin the friendship that they had. Over the span of a year, they had become closer than he had with any of his other friends, and that was a huge deal to him. And judging by how she held herself, a big deal to her too.

But why was he thinking about this now when he was supposed to be having fun?

He watched Levy trip over her own two feet, fall and drop the ball, and somehow managed to bowl a strike. He swore the floor was getting more kisses today than he had in his whole life.

"Great job Levy-chan!" Lucy cried, popping up to clasp her friend's hands. Gajeel snapped awake and glared at Lucy, probably because she disturbed his nap.

Natsu couldn't blame him, she was loud as shit sometimes.

But honestly, this whole place was louder than her, so...what the fuck Gajeel?

It seemed all Natsu was doing now was watching her, noticing her more. Well to be fair, he always noticed her, but now he was noticing her _more._

Ah, he already talked about this, why the hell was he going back to it?

It was like writing an essay in High School. He repeated the same thing, just with different phrasing.

"Are you having fun?" He heard Lucy ask him. He crossed his arms and looked at her, and couldn't help looking at her lips one time, all pursed and pink and shit. "You look like you have a rock in your shoe."

One of the other things he noticed was that she was always worrying about him, checking to see if he was okay, and always trying to make him feel better. Because when Natsu was upset, he made it known he was upset in the most destructive way possible. Or eating. Eating worked too.

Anyway, she was always worrying about him, and making him feel better at the cost of her pride. Always worrying about him before herself. And vice versa, always putting her before himself.

She was starting to become a big part of his life in such a short time, and it scared him, but it was a...good kind of scare. The type of scare you get when you go to a haunted house not expecting to get scared, and then you do and you're just like "that was good, that was a good scare."

That kind of scare.

It made his heat speed up a little with fear and anticipation and happiness. Fear because life was a douchebag and it could take her away at any moment. Anticipation but what was coming next? And happiness because finally, he found someone worth keeping.

It was...nice.

And he was going to stop being all author-y because that was not him.

"I'm fine. Just really annoyed," Natsu answered.

"Why?"

"Because I hate bowling."

...

"Yeah, bitch! It's my birthday!"

"Cana, please calm down!"

"Party like fucking pornstars!"

"I'm kind of in a relationship..."

"You see Levy, this is why you can't have fun. Being all tied down to one man. One man with long, black hair and all those piercings and...those...big muscles that can just...pick you up and...throw you on the bed and...mmm-"

"Cana please don't fantasize about my boyfriend!"

"I'm only kidding! Partially."

"Cana!"

And here we go, Lucy thought with a sigh.

Cana's birthday had finally arrived, and they were going to have to deal with a drunker-than-normal-Cana. The woman had gotten into the car, her cheeks already flushed with alcohol, and several bottles of hard liquor in her arms. _"To Majikku!_ " she had nearly screamed, slapping Lucy's thigh until it turned an angry red.

Now Lucy could've done the sensible thing and said 'no'. She could've refused to take Cana out in the woman's inebriated state, by why? Cana was like a child when she was intoxicated. Whenever she didn't get her way, she would cry.

And no one liked a drunk-sad Cana. Because drunk-sad Cana turned into drunk-sad-aggressive-sexual-angry-affectionate-and-very-full-bladder Cana.

And everyone had a bad time with that Cana, especially the full bladder one because the woman didn't believe in toilets.

So after they had picked up Levy (since Juvia was most likely mourning the loss of her second phone by drowning herself in milk. Ice Make-kun 2.0 hadn't lasted a year yet) and Erza (who was cuddling a bottle of gin because apparently it sounded too close to Jellal. The woman only had two beers and she was already drunk, the lightweight), and to Majikku they went.

Lucy had sent a text to Natsu beforehand, letting him know that they'd be showing up and to prepare a dance for her. He flat out refused to dance for any of their friends, and instead set some other man up for a solo dance with her on stage. Lucy didn't know who, but if-

The blonde glanced over at Cana.

She was licking the club window...

Lucy sighed. If it made Cana happy, then that was all that mattered.

"Ruuuuushiiii," she heard the bartender groan.

"Caaaannnaaa," the teacher groaned back.

"Are we there yet?"

"Cana, we've already been here for ten minutes. And stop licking the window, that's nasty!"

"Tastes like dick. I love me some dick."

Lucy put a hand to her forehead. "Mavis have mercy."

 _"Tonight, lovely ladies, is a special night,"_ some random voice boomed through the intercom. Cana immediately straightened and faced the stage. Levy, sweet cinnamon roll that she was, excused herself to the bathroom. Erza took off her stockings and shoes (why? Lucy had no idea. Erza was a weird drunk). _"Now we've just been informed that we have a little birthday going on tonight-"_

"IT'S MINE!" Cana screamed, and Lucy almost fell out of her chair. "I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!"

Erza slouched in her seat. Lucy wanted the night to end. Now. Immediately. Pronto. _Maintenant._

 _"Ah indeed. There she is, the beautiful, special, moonlight flower."_ Oh God, Cana was blushing. Or was it the alcohol? Lucy couldn't tell anymore. " _How about the lovely siren plays her song on the stage for us?"_

"I don't know how to play an instrument," the drunkard said.

" _That...was not what I meant."_

"Then what did you mean? 'Cause the shit's going way over my head right now."

 _"I meant...look, just get on the stage."_

"Ooooh I like it rough."

 _"For fuck's sake-"_

Good Lord, this was already turning out to be a weird night.

Cana had wasted no time in getting on the stage, not even paying attention to the looks of envy she was getting from the other women in the club. The brunette was bouncing happily in her chair, just ready to get the show started. And, in all honesty, Lucy was too because one: she wanted to go home, and two: she was curious to see who Natsu had put her up with.

She didn't have to wait long because not even two seconds after that thought, bouncer blond walked on the stage.

And Good God, the look he had on his face could give children nightmares. Probably did.

Oh, but Cana was eating it up.

Lucy could see her gripping the sides of the chair, her back pressed against the cushion and a sly smile playing on her lips. The blond man stalked around the chair, Cana's eyes following his every movement.

Now Lucy could admit that she liked Natsu better. He wasn't overly big, compacted toned muscles to fit his shorter than average size. His arms were large, but not so much that she would fear he would break a rib when he gave her hugs.

But this guy - didn't Natsu call him Lactose? If not, welp - he was a little too big. Too tall, like he would tower over her and eat her (not like that!). Too big, like he could break her in half (not like that either!). Too thick, like if he were to get inside her, she would be full-

Enough of that subject. Perverts.

Point was, he was not her type.

He was also too blond. She didn't have a thing for blonds.

Lucy saw Lactose run his large hands down Cana's arms, and did she just shudder? Since when did Cana shudder? The stripper kept his face impassive, but his eyes stayed trained on Cana, peered down at her along the bridge of his nose. She saw him lean down to whisper something in her ears, and made her grin and goodness Cana giggled and the world must be ending because that was not her drunken roommate.

Then Lactose finally started dancing, and Lucy wasn't as enraptured with him as she was with Natsu. Oh she wouldn't lie and say he wasn't good (he was very, very good, especially since he looked like he'd been stung by a bunch of bees and and found out he was allergic), but he wasn't what she was really into.

She was still hooked though.

The way his muscles bunched when he ran his hand down her friend's arms. The way his body flexed and rolled and moved and flowed was oddly fascinating. A man his size shouldn't be able to move the way he was. He shouldn't be able to bend like that but good God, he was flexible.

She saw he was abdominal muscles contract and move under his skin as he bent down, running his fingers - not hands, fingers - along the brunette's thigh. Lucy could see that Cana was suddenly glad she decided to wear shorts.

The teacher didn't know what song was playing, but it was going to become one of her new favorites if she could find it again. Lactose rolled his hips towards the bartender and she placed her hands on his bare abdomen, running her hands along the muscle, dipping into the ridges and gliding across the bumps. She was obviously trying to keep her hands in the designated areas but was desperately failing by brushing her hands over the slight bulge (and Lucy only said slight because there was no word to describe how she should feel about it. After all, saying very large would probably make Natsu feel self-conscious, even in her mind).

Levy walked out of the bathroom, saw Lactose plopping himself in Cana's lap, and went right back.

Lucy laughed and followed her since she didn't feel like having to change her panties later.

Erza touched her toe to the window and almost kicked it in.

She supposed the night was over for her.  
...

"God Lucy, I need to go back and see that man again," Cana had gushed later that night in the car. The brunette was curled in a little ball on the seat, chewing on the seatbelt.

"Okay, Cana," Lucy said, pulling the protective strap from her mouth.

"He was so good! So strong and big and hard and _mmmm_! I need that man!"

"Okay, Cana." She heard Levy's tinkling laughter in the back.

"Lucy, wanna give me some money so I can get a private dance?"

"Okay, Cana."

"Ugh I _want him!_ "

"Okay, Cana."

"You think he's single?"

"Okay, Cana."

"I'm gonna get his number."

"Okay, Cana."

"Step one: get his digits. Step two: get his dick!"

"Okay, Cana."

* * *

1\. That is literally a conversation I have with my best friend. Whenever I see a man I really like I'm like "I need him." And she's like, "Okay Brooke." "But sister I need that man in my life!" "Okay, Brooke." And then I start sobbing.

2\. I ship just about everything and anything. I love Miraxus and Laxana equally. I only put a Laxana moment in here because the situation called for it, and I never ignore a call (says the girl who literally just ignored her phone when her job called).

3. _Maintenant_ \- French - "now". Momma also spoke five languages. English, French, German, Spanish, and Russian. Of course she had to push them onto her children. I can now successfully talk shit in three of those.

4\. I've been told that females cursing is unattractive. I fucking told him to "fuck off".

5\. chaPPPPTTTEr. (Until Dawn reference in there HA) So writer's block is not a fun thing. One of the reasons I didn't spit this out. Other reason is because of the Fantasies ordeal (check bio if you're late to the party). Also I was a little bit unhappy with how serious the story was becoming, hence the silliness, randomness, and slight male stripping. Mmmmmale stripping...Ahem! Last chapter was the Navia thing, right? I don't remember. But about that, I wasn't trying to sell anyone about that pairing. I like it, but I didn't want to force anyone to ship what I ship, the reason why I kept it brief and open to y'all's imagination. Goddamn it's cold in this house. Ugh, I'm done explaining.

6\. Clyde signed me up for a gym. I'm not going. Screw exercise, I'm already curvy.

7\. Why is there nothing in my fridge that I can inhale?

8\. Drizzity dropping off the face of the earth is my specialty. I've been told that by my "friends".

9\. I don't own Fairy Tail because I've said countless times my nickname is Bonnie, not Machina.

10... ... ...Mashima...

11\. Hey guys. I don't think I've said it recently but guess what? I love you all. And thank you. and fEED ME PLEASe. Also I sleep with my socks on. Do you?


	21. Chapter 20

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter 20: Meet the Parents xX_**

 ** _(PiSSS: going with a movie this time 'cuz since when have I been consistent)_**

* * *

Jude Heartfilia loved his daughter more than he loved his company.

If his baby girl asked him to quit his business because she wanted to spend more time with him, he'd toss the job to Capricorn and never look back. She was the light of his life, his child, his heart, and he loved her dearly. Just as much as he loved her mother, and he loved her mother a lot.

When Lucy was born, he would admit that he hadn't always been there, and was gone even more when Layla became sick. That was purely his fault. She was young, and young kids wanted everything. And to get everything she wanted, he had to work. A lot.

So he did. He buried himself underneath piles and piles of papers to make sure his little angel got whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it and had everything she needed before she even knew that she needed it. And as a result, he wasn't around as much as he wanted to be, as much as she _needed_ him to be.

It got worse when Layla fell ill. Between the hospital bills and his little banana nut muffin going to school, he didn't have the time to dote on her like any loving father would. He didn't have time to eat the little mud-pies she would drop on his desk. He didn't have time to help her with her homework, because he had to work. Work, work, work.

And once again, the result ended in him seeming like the deadbeat daddy, making Layla seem like an independent mother, and Lucy seem like a bastard child.

It split their family apart for a while, with Layla threatening to divorce him and take Lucy with her. He helped her create their little sun, so he should've been there for her when Layla couldn't have been. Jude had argued that he was working so hard _for them_ , to make sure his wife got her medicine, and to ensure that his daughter was smarter than a fifth grader. He did it all for his family.

Layla understood, but that didn't ease the fact that he hadn't spent more than an hour with his daughter everyday for over seven years.

It was a close call, but Jude finally grew a big pair of balls and put on his big boy pants, taking responsibility for his child, his soul, his heart, Lucky Lucy Heartfilia.

He started giving more work to his Vice President and the other workers, deciding not to completely shoulder all of it. He started taking her to school in the morning, and picking her up at the end of the day. He was present for all of her dance recitals and band concerts. On career day, he showed up in his crisp suit, but would sit down in her tiny chair when she begged him (he looked like a fool, but it made his little fruit laugh). When dinner time came around, they would go to the hospital together and eat it with Layla until she fell asleep on his lap.

He taught her about sex when she came crying that she was going to shoot out babies like a machine gun while bathing in blood (his parents had told him it involved a stick and hula-hoop, and something about banging the two together for a while until it broke. And there were frogs involved?). He sat through the period talk (he handed that over to Layla, he wasn't even going to _touch_ that subject). And he even allowed her to get a...a... _boyfriend!_

(But only after he performed a thorough background check, got a hair sample, and his fingerprints.)

Long story short was that he was there, and he acted like the father he was, and now they were extremely close.

Well..at least he thought they were.

Now he wasn't so sure since she had bought that...that beast with her!

"Lucy..." he started lowly.

"Yes, Father?"

"My little Lucy."

"Yeah...?"

"My lovely baby doll cabbage patch kid darling daughter girl...child."

"Um-"

"Who. In Mavis' holy name. Is that. Beside you?"

"You, um..." his dear, sweet child stammered. "This is Natsu. The one I was telling you and Mama about?"

The pink-haired _heathen_ stuck his hand out in greeting. Jude didn't shake it. The boy scratched the back of his head.

"And, pray tell, dearest child of mine, why the hell is he here? At the hospital? Standing right in front of me? Scratching the back of his head like he owns the place?"

That didn't even make sense, but Jude still crossed his arms to make him seem like an imposing figure. Which he was, and he was making it known. Blatantly.

"Because," Lucy started slowly, and he could see her eyes narrowing, "I called you earlier and told you I was stopping at the hospital and to meet me there because I wanted to introduce you to someone." She gestured in that...abomination's direction. "This is him."

That crusty creature waved his hand with a large grin, and Jude got the sudden urge to strangle him.

"I thought I was meeting - I don't know - another Erza?" Jude asked, and not once did he remove his eyes from that monster. "Where's the other Erza?"

"Well, I guess he's like an Erza." Lucy looked at the man next to her, roaming her eyes up and down his body. Jude didn't like that look. "He likes strawberry shortcake."

"I like everything, Luce," that nasty man chimed.

"He's kinda strong."

"Really strong. Super strong."

"And that's about all of his redeeming qualities."

"That's right - hey!"

His daughter smiled. And Jude frowned.

She seemed...comfortable with him. He didn't have to see much, but Lucy hardly ever jokingly put down someone. Anyone she was acquainted with was sort of sensitive, and she couldn't afford to hurt their feelings for fear of losing their friendship. And Lucy didn't have many close friends. So to see her sarcastic side, to see her eyes shining with amusement at the expense of someone else-

And to see that cretin smiling back at her, completely unaffected by the minor insult, it made Jude feel some type of way he was unsure he liked.

"Lucy, you-" the father started.

"Jude? Lucy dear? Is that you in the hall?" the trio heard a voice from the hospital room. Jude straightened, Natsu tensed and Lucy just walked right in. He could hear his wife greet her daughter happily, and the two men looked at each other.

Natsu grinned uneasily at him.

Jude ignored him and walked inside.

"You're feeling a little better today, Mama?" Lucy asked, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. Her mother smiled and nodded happily.

"I am. I actually took my medicine today, though that's not the reason I feel better," Layla said, placing her hand on her child's head and stroking her hair. "I've been told I can be discharged in a few days."

"Really?" Lucy sounded hopeful and happy and Jude was surprised. He hadn't heard this news.

"Yup! Doctor Meth-"

"Doctor _Morth_."

"-said that my health has been improving, and as long as I keep taking my pills, I can go home!"

"That's wonderful, Layla," Jude said, taking a seat in the chair next to his wife. "Listen to Doctor Meth."

" _Morth,_ " Lucy corrected.

"That's what I said."

"No, you keep calling him Meth and meth is bad-"

"Who is this young fellow?" Layla interjected, staring straight at Natsu. Said man shifted uneasily and stuck out his hand in the woman's direction.

"Dragneel. Natsu Dragneel," he said just as Layla took his hand and shook it with a smile.

"Oh you're the one my little Lucy was telling us about! The stripper." Despite how wonderful Layla was, how she could easily charm a person out of their wallet and shoes, and how she had such a disarming look about her, she lacked tact. Layla said what was on her mind without hesitation, and if that could either be a good thing or a bad thing.

More often than not, it was a bad thing.

"Ah...yeah," Natsu said, flushing lightly and scratching the back of his head. "That's me...the stripper."

"Oh, there's nothing to be ashamed of, boy. You can do whatever you want, it's your life." Jude's wife smiled.

From the look on Natsu's face, he wasn't expecting to be accepted with open arms, especially since Jude had treated him so...coldly. But how else would Jude react? Lucy was his beautiful darling flower, and he was supposed to protect her. Men were evil creatures (and women were more so sometimes) so he had to make sure his daughter would be happy with any male she came into contact with.

"I, uh...thanks. I didn't think you'd be okay with it."

"I'm not really," Layla said, smiling serenely. "But if Lucy likes you enough to introduce you to us then, well, we have to give you a chance. Isn't that right, Jude?"

No. It was not right. "Yes, dear." But one didn't disagree with Layla out loud.

Lucy smiled up at Natsu, and he smiled back, his shoulders dropping in a less tense form.

"So," the sick woman started, "how much for a show?"

"Layla!"

"Mama!"

"Well your daughter gave me a fifty, but for you, I'll say a quarter."

"Oh, how nice of you! Such a big discount! Jude give me my purse."

"If you think I'm letting him dance all over you in my presence, then you can forget it!"

"Then leave. This is something I need in my life."

"Layla!"

"This includes the removal of clothes and hip thrusting, yes?"

"But of course!"

"Jude. Purse. Now."

Lucy laughed.  
...

"So what made you become a stripper?"

And here we go.

Jude and Natsu had decided to go to the cafeteria in search for dinner for them. Lucy opted out f the trip because she could trust her father not to murder him during the trip.

Natsu himself wasn't so sure.

Layla had taken a liking to him almost immediately. His happy-go-lucky nature was almost a breath of fresh air from the seriousness and stuffiness her husband emitted. Natsu was sure they loved each other immensely, but Jude was a constant ball of tension that just needed to be rubbed off-

What a gross image!

Anyway, he officially had Layla Heartfilia on his side, but Jude was like a ticking time bomb. One wrong move, and he could say goodbye to Lucy forever.

And that was something he wasn't going to allow to happen.

"Financial problems back when I was in University."

"What did you study?"

"Tried to major in Public Safety."

"You dropped out."

"Well I don't see how I could've stayed when we were in a tight situation."

Jude's lips thinned and Natsu inwardly jumped off a cliff. Shit, it felt like he was doing that in this conversation.

Note to self: don't sass best friend's papa, especially when said man could destroy his life economically.

"So you decided that becoming a stripper and a phone sex operator would be the best path?"

"Not the best one, but if it gets me money, then who the hell cares?"

"I do, and so does Lucy."

Natsu paused.

They reached the cafeteria and Jude walked over to the salad bar, Natsu trailing behind him.

"If you think she doesn't care about the fact that you're a male stripper, then you're-"

"Wrong, I know," the pink-haired man finished. "I know she doesn't really approve of what I do - hell, I don't either - but it's better than being unemployed." Natsu stack a bunch of cookies and donuts on his plates. "It would be too good to be true if a girl I liked actually accepted what I did immediately. It'd be better if she could join me, then we could strip together, and chill at home naked all the time."

Jude somehow had a knife in his hand, so Natsu quickly cut that thought off. "Anyway, I know she doesn't like it, but she doesn't say anything about it because she doesn't have the right to make me change my career, especially if I like it. And I do. So ha."

Now Natsu admitted that sometimes he was a little blunt. A little too straightforward and a little too...brash. It was his nature, and he could change that if he tried, but he didn't want to. It just made him unique.

But since he was trying to get on Lucy's daddy's good side, he thought he should tone it down a little.

"You know Layla's really hot. I can see where Lucy got her looks from, ya know?"

Or not.  
...

"It was really nice meeting you, Natsu," Layla said when the pair gathered up their belongings, preparing to leave. "You're a lot different than what I expected."

Natsu perked. "Oh? And what did you expect?"

Layla laughed, and it was a tinkling sound that made Lucy grin and Jude crack the tiniest smile (the first one of that night since he spent most of the time glaring at Natsu). "Well I didn't expect a charming young fellow such as yourself. I expected more of an...excuse my language - an asshole really. I was prepared to see a man who insulted Lucy subtly and who was just a mean fellow all around. You're not like that, and I'm glad."

"Of course I'm not like that! Lucy's amazing, who'd ever treat her like that?!"

Layla giggled and shook her head. "I'm just glad to see that you're treating her well since you guys seem to genuinely like each other. I was about ready to stab a used syringe into your neck if you had hurt her."

She...she said it with such a serene smile that Natsu couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

He decided to believe her.

He laughed uneasily.

"Oh, but you don't need to worry about a thing, sweet heart!" the mother placated. "You don't have to worry about getting AIDS today. Just keep treating her right and I'll keep my needles in the waste."

He fucking hoped so.

In any case, Natsu stepped forward and shook the woman's hand firmly, not letting go immediately, but holding it there and staring at her with such hard resolve that Layla couldn't help but smile back. "I promise to take care of your daughter. She's...really special to me-"

"I want grandbabies, but not just yet."

Behind him, Lucy screeched and Natsu choked on air (how did one choke on air? Quite easily, it seems). Jude practically grew spikes and glared daggers at his wife.

When Natsu had pictured Layla, it was not the woman sitting there on the bed. He pictured a snobby, rich-witch woman who turned up her nose to chocolate because she was 'too fancy' to eat chocolate and that would 'destroy her figure.' But Layla actually joked around (maybe, still couldn't tell if the syringe bit was playful or not), she smiled, she laughed, and she was a cool dude lady mama.

But grandbabies...

Grandbabies meant that they had to have sex...

"...I'm working on it," he blurted before he could stop himself.

Jude roared and threw a chair, Layla laughed out loud. Lucy blushed to the tips of her hair and covered her face, reciting history facts. And Natsu...

Natsu was surprised.

Because where the _friggity freak_ did that come from?  
...

"Well I hope you know that you're officially on my Dad's hit list now."

"As if I wasn't already the moment I breathed the same air as you in his presence."

That was so true, it hurt.

Lucy sighed as she pulled into the driveway of his house, turning off her car and just sitting there. Natsu's parting comment did not bode well for her father's approval. Not that she cared honestly, her mother's was way more important. But it would've been nice to have her father like him as well since, well, she liked him and she was pretty sure he liked her.

Like come on, after a year of their Friendly Benefits relationship-not-really-a-relationship-but-actually-a-relationship-but-NO-not-really, there was no way they couldn't have gained mutual feelings.

Natsu was denser than freaking osmium, but he wasn't _that_ dense. He was probably...iridium.

Look it up. They're pretty dense.

Chemistry aside, the point was that they were both clearly attracted to each other. Lucy admitted that Natsu had quite a bit to go for him, and he had admitted that she didn't look like a horse and that was fine with him.

It was already in the air, open and noticed, accepted, but the question was...what now?

Neither wanted to muddy the strong friendship they already had, and though it wouldn't be enough to sever it completely, it would put them at an impasse while they tried to figure out how the hell they could go back to cuddling without it being weird when he 'accidentally' squeezed her boob.

(It was never an accident with that boy.)

But to more important matters. (Tit squeezing wasn't on her high list of priorities.)

"How do you like my parents?" Lucy asked.

"They're more civil than mine."

"That's not an answer. I asked how did you like them?"

"They could go for a vacation once in a while."

"Natsu!"

"I like them!"

Lucy smiled, happiness swelling in her chest and putting a flush on her cheeks.

"I worry that I'll wake up without my balls one day though."

"That'd be your fault since you wouldn't have been able to keep it in your pants."

And they paused.

"Natsu...?"

"...what?"

"When you said...the thing...what did you mean?"

He didn't answer immediately, but when he did, his voice was husky and it sent shivers rolling down her spine. "Ah...that...what did I mean?"

"Yeah...the meaning?"

"You mean you want to know the meaning of the thing that you asked what did I mean? That meaning?"

"I mean, I need to know that meaning of that thing that you mean? If you mean it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-"

They were getting nowhere.

"I mean-" she started again, then slapped her forehead, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. "What you said back at the hospital, about 'working on it,' does that mean you want to-"

"Yes!" he blurted, and Lucy was surprised to see him blush. He dipped his nose into his scarf to hide it as she gaped. "I mean-" he sighed, "who wouldn't? You're nice, funny, you smell good and you don't look like a horse." He said that once before. "Anyone would be crazy not to, so just...don't say it."

They weren't avoiding the topic. No, they were avoiding the words.

Because if they said the words, it might make everything awkward.

...but still...PROGRESS.

"One time?"

Natsu spun around to face her, and Lucy flailed her hands she digested the true meaning (god dammit!) of her words. She hadn't even realized that she said it out loud. Suddenly, it seemed like words were coming out like a waterfall. "It doesn't have to go all the way - it can be just something that satiates the curiosity and gets rid of the what it would be like but you don't have to agree I'm not even sure if I like this idea myself but I just want to try it out and-" she paused to breathe, and it seemed hr voice came out even louder, "we wouldn't have to let this get in the way of our friendship because it would be something that we both agree on but I think we can agree to disagree - I'm really saying agree a lot - that our relationship would stay the same but as I said before it _canonlybeonetime_ -"

Lips covered her own.

She stopped talking.

* * *

1\. OKAY.

2\. 20 chapters. That's a long time. I didn't expect to get past ten to be honest. Why not end this milestone with a cliffhanger thatmakesmewanttoshootmyselfinthefootbecauseoooooo-

3\. *throws a table out the window* FRUSTRATION.

4\. I fell up the stairs. How do you fall _up_ stairs?

5\. NEED I EVEN EXPLAIN HOW FRUSTRATED THIS CHAPTER MAKES ME? THERE'S PARENTS, THERE'S NATSU, THERE'S DIRTY NEEDLES. ADD THAT TO THE FACT THAT IT TOOK AGES TO GET OUT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MALE SEAHORSE GIVING BIRTH. AND I'M NOT EVEN MALE! SO WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? So i'm just going to leave this chapter's explanation for the next one since they're connected.

6\. I totally see Jude as the type of father that calls his child all these different names. Don't know why, but I love it.

7\. Gotta question! Do you guys feel like you know me? I NEED ANSWERS.

8\. There's a lot of caps lock in this A/N. UGH.

9\. Drizzity (I'm making it a thing Mirai, don't judge me - actually, judge me) dropping off the earth again because NO TIME. Between school and work not giving me any time to piss, I couldn't push out this chapter. But you guys don't care right? As long as I'm not dead? Well I'm not dead, so REJOICE.

10\. So many of you guys sleep with socks on when it's cold huh? I sleep with them all the time. I feel naked without socks. Just like how I feel naked without something on my right wrist. Are you left or right-handed? I'm right-handed, but I eat finger food and stuff with my left hand.

11\. No matter what I say, it always goes back to food.


	22. Chapter 21

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter...21 right?: Confessions xX_**

* * *

You know that moment where everything went so fast, time stopped? Where it was both weird and so, so amazing at the same that everything froze, and you were stuck in the moment? Like seeing someone from a long time ago again, then embracing them in a fit of passion when reunited? How about like when you were about to drop something on the ground, knowing it would shatter and knowing that your parent would be pissed, and time just slowed to the moment where you knew you fucked up before continuing in a rapid pace? You know that moment?

Yeah, Lucy didn't either.

The books really didn't give reality justice.

It was quite fast really. One moment she was talking, the next moment she was being kissed for about .04 seconds, and then it was done.

It wasn't a quick brush of the lips, nor was it a hard press that would give her a headache. It was more of a…of a…

'I'm doing this now and it'll be over quickly so don't hit me' kind of press.

Did that make sense? Probably not, but what in this moment made sense?

Natsu had kissed her, on the lips, in her car, in front of his house, for .04 seconds. He had interrupted her monologue about _it_ just being one time, with a _kiss,_ on her _lips_ , in her _car_ , in front of his _house_ , for .04 _seconds_.

There was no need for italics, and that just proved how rattled she was!

(Like come on! He could've made it a full second! But was that really the problem?)

All Lucy could do was stare, and what else could she do? .04 seconds wasn't enough time to really get a feel for how good the kiss was, or how his lips felt. It would be just plain weird to touch her lips in shock like one of those weird shoujo manga characters. She couldn't start smiling because what would she be smiling about (.04 seconds is very short, okay?)? She wouldn't scream because that would just startle them both. Cry? Unless she really wanted to wear makeup the next day, that wasn't happening. What about pass out? That seemed the most likely considering she hadn't breathed for the past minute and a half. You know, because she forgot when _Natsu kissed her!_

…breathe in…breathe out.

"Again," Lucy blurted.

Stop breathing altogether because breathing made you say some weird shit.

And the funny part about this was that Natsu didn't need to be told twice.

His lips were on hers again, fiercer this time, longer this time, more fully this time. She could feel the splits in his lips from when Gajeel punched him, she could feel how chapped they were, she could feel the breath pumping from his nose and onto her face, she could feel his lips moving along hers and she most definitely could feel her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest.

It was succeeding.

Good Mavis on a tricycle .04 seconds really wasn't a long time.

This one lasted at least 5 full seconds.

And by the end of it, Lucy was lightheaded.

Her eyes fluttered open and she peered straight into Natsu own dark ones, and even in the low lighting, she could still see the green flecks in his irises.

"You have really pretty eyes," Lucy whispered. He chuckled lowly, his breath fanning across her face and making her cheeks flush.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

And now she wondered what the hell was going on.

She never got like this before. This made no sense, their actions made no sense, her words made no sense, the way they were behaving _made no sense_ , the way she was feeling _made._ _ **No.**_ _ **Sense**_.

And she could try to analyze it, try to figure it out, put together this thousand piece puzzle, but she didn't want to. It would take away the glory of the moment, it would make everything weird once she found it out. She'd have time to do it later.

And besides, when did she last throw caution to the wind? When did she last send it off with an offensive gesture and a soft 'eff you'? When did she last…just…be free? Do whatever she wanted, when she wanted it and not worry about the repercussions?

A long time ago, that was when.

Natsu was probably the wrong person to do it with – most definitely the wrong person to do it with – but right now she didn't care…

…and that's what she would've said if she were not freaking the hell out.

"What are we doing Natsu what are we doing did we just kiss oh my God we just kissed didn't we why did we just kiss this is bad this is bad thisisbad-"

"Lucy-"

"What!"

"What?"

"Ah!"

"Ah."

"Relax!"

"Tell that to yourself."

She never thought she'd have Natsu witness her all-too-famous freak outs.

Lucy breathed in and out, in and out, slower, slower, held it, and released, multiple times until she deemed herself calm enough to use punctuation. She looked up at him through her lashes, seeing him peering down at her through his. It shouldn't have made him look that good. But Good Lord, did he look fantastic in low lighting.

"I thought you said one time," Natsu said, and he smirked as if to take away some of the sting the slap of his words left on her.

"I thought I said one time too…" the blonde muttered.

"Then what was that?"

"I don't know…I don't really count .04 seconds as a kiss and just wanted to try it again I suppose."

"Well thank fuck you did. Your lips are soft." He leaned in a little, and Lucy found her shifting closer as well.

"And yours aren't."

"And you have dark eyes…" His voice got lower.

"And yours are pretty…" She started to whisper.

"You said that already…" They were breathing the same air.

"Because I meant it…" And were brushing lips.

They closed the distance.

And Lucy wondered what the hell they were doing.

She couldn't deny what she was feeling as his lips moved over hers, as his hands came up to cup her neck and raise her head a little more, pressing them together more fully. She felt warm, light, very, very different from what she was used to, from what she had experienced before.

As he nibbled on her lip, bit it gently asking for permission to enter (which she granted), she couldn't deny that maybe she had been waiting for this moment for a long time, or maybe it was quite overdue. She felt his tongue stroke hers, starting a fire at the base of her stomach that she couldn't control, a thick fog wrapping around her mind and consuming her.

Lucy didn't know who moved or when, but suddenly she was straddling his waist, his hands gripping her hips and rocking her against him, causing the most delicious friction between them. His tongue assaulted her mouth, taking what he wanted without permission (not like she would deny him, or _could_ for that matter) and she embraced it, letting him prod her mouth and bit her lips as she ground herself on him and squeezed his shoulders.

It was getting out of control. 'One time' she had said. ' _It'_ meant a kiss, maybe the occasional neck biting. Not…this. Not dry humping him in her car. Not letting him reach under her skirt to squeeze her rear. Not contemplating allowing them to go all the way.

But she already broke the one time rule when she spat out the word 'again'.

"Lucy," Natsu grunted. She leaned away and started peppering kisses along his face, trailing down to peck at his neck. She felt him shudder against her, the action fueling her desire that was burning within her. She wanted to keep going. She wanted to feel him against her.

"I want you," she whispered, and inwardly she balked at how bold she was being. Was this really Lucy Heartfilia? "Just one time."

"Lucy-"

"Please, Natsu. I'm begging here." It had been so long. So long since she danced between the sheets with a man, since she felt such raging desire for someone. She was being consumed by it. "Just one time…"

Her head dipped down to suckle on the skin behind his ear, and she felt Natsu's hands grip her hips tighter, pressing into the skin hard enough that she would bruise. He hissed when she moved, rocking her hips and moaning sensually into his ear. It was so good, and it had been so long.

"Lucy-"

Her hands fell to his abdomen and slid under the loose shirt (he always wore loose shirts), fingers tickling the skin and feeling the muscles jump when she laid her palms flat against the heated skin. She had wanted to feel him since the first day she saw him. Not just through little smacks on the stomach, but fully. Naked skin against naked skin fully. So good. So long.

"Lucy! No."

And just like that, she froze.

The teacher leaned back, keeping her head down the staring at the small bit of skin exposed on his chest. What the hell was that? What the hell was she doing? Who the hell was that vixen that had just taken over her body, because it sure as shit wasn't Lucy Heartfilia.

Was she really so lonely that she could go from not wanting to go any further one moment to jumping his bones the next? Was she really so desperate that she would risk losing her friendship with Natsu just for one quick rut? Good God what just happened?

"I'm so sorry," Lucy whispered, and to her mortification, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She quickly covered her face. "Oh God, I'm so so sorry."

"What?"

"I don't know what came over me." Her head was shaking, along with her voice. "I didn't mean to let it get that far-"

"Lucy-"

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not mad at you-"

"Yes you are! I can see it in your eyes!"

"How can you see what you're not looking at, much less what's not there? You got eyes in your forehead or something?"

How he could joke around when she was crying with her in his lap with her skirt rucked up to the freaking moon, she'd never understand.

She peeked through her hands to look at him. His eyes were dark, pupils dilated nearly making them black and filled with hunger, desire, lust. His thumbs rubbed small circles on her waist, and she shuddered at the unconscious motion. She never realized how sensitive her skin was. Natsu's chest rose and fell with soft pants, his cheeks tinged pink as he looked at her.

"Well? Do I look angry?"

Despite everything that had just happened, he didn't look angry at all.

"N-No…"

"See? That's what you get for jumping to conclusions. You end up looking stupid." He shifted his hands up higher, around her ribcage and pulling her shirt with it, exposing her navel to the cold air. "'Don't assume. It makes an ass out of you and me'. That was the saying right? It was everywhere on the walls when I was in school. I always really liked that poster, not because it taught me how to spell assume, but because it said ass. Ass. Ass, ass, assity, ass."

She covered his mouth. He needed to stop talking.

"I need to think," Lucy whispered, her hands shaking slightly with bottled up emotions. Natsu just raised an eyebrow, as if asking 'about what?' "What does this make us?"

And that was a very good question.

Lucy did not do flings, one-night-stands, or friends-with-benefits. She dealt in relationships that would last, and she never kissed or had sex out of one. She only ever dabbled in established relationships, but what just transpired between her and Natsu did not involve an established relationship.

Established crush? Yes. Mutual pining? Mhm. Received affection? But of course! Equal attraction? Now that was a stupid question.

Relationship? They did not have one. Wanted one, but didn't have one.

Natsu bit her palm and she jerked it back when his teeth caught skin. "What do you want this to make us?"

And that was a pretty good question.

She couldn't stress enough how much their friendship meant to her (if she said it anymore, the readers of her tale would probably beat the author because 'we got it already!'). If they were to become a thing, the friendship would still be there, but what if they broke up? It would become awkward and strained and = she just didn't feel like losing one of the best friends she had in a long time.

But if they didn't become a thing, she might not ever get to kiss him again, might not have his hands on her, might not have her hands on him. The friendship would be slightly awkward afterwards because – hello? – she was currently in his lap and all dishelved from kissing him and whatnot. Every time she would look at him, she would think of the time they made out and she grinded on him in her car.

Either way, their friendship was already being stretched like a rubberband. But would she pull it until it snapped, or grab a hair tie instead?

"Why don't we try dating?" Lucy suggested.

She decided to switch to a hair tie.

"Dating?" Natsu asked.

"Yes, Parrot. Dating. As in becoming a couple." She blushed. It was a lot more real when she said it out loud. "I mean, not a lot has to change, and it doesn't have to be too affectionate-"

"Isn't that like how we are now?"

Lucy paused.

Now that she thought about it, they were almost always together, acting like friends but doing things that friends didn't normally do. He slept in her bed when she would wear nothing but her underwear and a tank top (with no bra because who slept with bras on?). She would sit on his lap while reading when he would listen to music. They would always go out together, whether it was to the park to play with kids, or to a four star restaurant for a fancy dinner (Natsu did look dapper in a suit).

They…were practically a couple already.

"Huh," Lucy blurted thoughtfully. "I guess much wouldn't change."

They held hands often. She kissed his cheeks multiple times. He did the forehead thing a lot. They 'cuddled' in public. People always mistook them for a couple.

They really were a couple before, and neither noticed it. The only thing missing was the fact they hadn't kissed.

And that had changed like ten minutes ago.

"We'd kiss more," Natsu pointed out, a large grin on his face. He puckered his lips and Lucy slapped him lightly. She still let out a small giggle, knowing that he was trying to diffuse the tension that was thicker than a milkshake. "You know you'd love to feel my lips again."

She wanted to throw the car at him. "I already told you that they aren't soft."

"But what you didn't know is that they're the lips of a warrior!"

Did she say car? She really meant house. "Be seriously serious for a second, okay? I'm trying to figure out what we should do!"

"You already said it. We're dating now."

Lucy deadpanned and crossed her arms. "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You're not even going to ask me properly?"

"Technically, you asked me."

"You're not getting on one knee?"

"We're not getting married."

"You're not going to get me flowers or chocolate?"

"Why do I have to get everything? Why can't you give me anything?"

"I'll give you my answer."

"Which is a yes."

"Shhhh. It's a surprise."

And they laughed.

It wasn't what books or movies portrayed a confession like, far from it actually, but considering who they were, it worked quite well.

Now…what would change?

* * *

1\. I have risen from the dead and decided to set fire to the land.

2\. Guess who has a little bit of time? I do. And I decided to use it wisely. I know. Weird right? Who likes to use time wisely?

3\. Oh, chapter's a little short, but y'all don't mind right? Because lookie, there's kissing and grinding and Lucy hot navel on display up there. That's good enough to make up for my absence right?

4\. No? Well damn, you guys. Guess I'll have to go harder next time huh?

5\. *Throws chapter in the air* Now I have conflicting feelings about this one. First off, I feel it was rushed. Very rushed, especially the ending. The way Lucy just hopped up on him and demanded to ride him like a horse was a little...sudden I admit. Like Bonnie, how could you go on and be like "she cares about their friendship so much, why would you make her do that?" Well, in your defense before I drag someone is that yes, what happened there was almost fanservice-like. That was purely for my own pleasure that I put it there and it was very...unnecessary. But in MY defense, that actually happens. Lucy hasn't had sex in a long time, and though her friendship matters to her, lust was clouding her mind. Honestly, it's quite hard to think straight when you're grinding on an...ahem. But Natsu stopped her because he said no, and didn't want her to do anything she regretted. Realism bitch. *drops mic*

6\. That was long.

7\. Did that explanation even matter? Do you guys even read note five at all? Shit I don't, and I write it.

8\. Five. Hundred. Forty. Reviews. Five. Hundred. Eight. Follows. I may not reply to many, but I promise you that I read every. single. review. multiple times. Every day, I'm looking at them and it makes me so happy. Never thought I'd get past one hundred until you shot that out of the sky. Thank you so much, y'all.

9\. I will also go back to being active on tumblr. And speaking of, TB has it's first little fanart! Special thanks to **doginshoe** for giving me a stripper Natsu. It makes me so happy every time I look at it. Go on over to my blog to look at it. Now.

10\. Double dipping is when you take your fry or chip or carrot or any food and dip it into the sauce once, then take a bite, and dip it again before eating the rest. I double dip. Do you guys double dip? (Stop talking about food Bonnie!)

11\. Also, who the hell takes showers in the morning? How do you live with yourself? What level of Hell did you spawn out of?


	23. Chapter 22

_**xX Talking Body Xx**_

 _ **Xx Chapter 22: Wild Things xX**_

 _ **(Been a while, hasn't it?)**_

* * *

Lucy and Natsu shared many types of kisses during their short, suddenly two months of dating.

There were the sweet kisses. The ones that were short, but had just as much love poured into them as a romance movie. Those were usually when they were in public and couldn't keep their hands off of each other because they could look _and_ touch now!

They were the sweet kisses shared when they were waiting in line for their coffee. Or when they were in the cinema and one was a little too into the movie while the other peppered distracted kisses onto their cheek. Or when Natsu was suddenly craving affection and wouldn't shut up about having just 'one more kiss Lucy and I won't die from affection deprivation'.

(Lucy knew the man was smart, but he couldn't spell for shit.)

("Affection deprivation…Sounds like the beginning to a child's song." "Natsu, can you not right now.")

There were the silly kisses. The ones that made each smile widely or burst into the laughter because of how sloppy and messy it was, or just the ridiculousness of the situation it was given in. Someone would show up in the middle of a smexy makeout session and would keel over in disgust, Lucy would try to push Natsu off, Natsu would lick her face because what the hell even was Natsu sometimes, and then they would laugh while the stripper tried to playfully shove his tongue down her throat again.

There were the soft kisses (Lucy's personal favorite). The ones preserved specifically for their time alone. They weren't steamy or silly, nor were they very long. They didn't have to be, because they were special. They were slow and nice and satisfying because there was nothing but feeling in those kisses. They were the kisses in which the couple focused on nothing but each other. They were the kisses that made them study each other, their likes and dislikes and so on and so forth. They were the kisses that would make the earth shift just a little bit to the left, make the sun seem just a little bit brighter, and make the world just a little bit more colorful.

Lucy really, really liked those kisses.

And then there were Natsu's favorite, the hot kisses.

The kisses that were filled with raw hunger. Pure, unadulterated lust.

It usually happened when they were watching _Netflicks_ for some reason.

Those kisses were, for lack of better terminology, steamy. They involved a lot of touching, a lot of panting, a lot of groping, a lot of spit, and a lot (and she did mean _a lot_ ) of tongue.

Like, so much tongue they were practically tangled together at one point.

They were lucky neither had a tongue piercing or one of them would have swallowed the ball.

And it was during one of those kisses when Lucy had met Igneel.

* * *

 _The kiss had escalated faster than light and lower than Hell, which she was sure was her next destination the moment she allowed Natsu to poke her boob playfully._

 _Thinking back on it, she really wasn't sure how things got like this, but it wasn't like she was really complaining. He was really convincing when he wanted to be._

 _And she was definitely sure that he wanted to be._

 _The rub of leather had never felt so good against her heated skin than it did the moment Natsu pressed her up against it, fusing his lips with hers. What started off as a quick peck turned into a tangle of teeth and tongue, and was only going further from there._

 _When Natsu kissed, he never stayed in one place for long. He would be at her lips one moment, and as soon as they would part for air, he'd be at her neck or her ear, or her nose, or somewhere other than her lips._

 _Now when they had first established their relationship two months ago, Lucy was worried about how dating would change their relationshit (_ _not a mistake). And Natsu had basically dragged her through the dirt by her scalp (that was an overstatement) when he said that much wouldn't change except they would kiss a lot more._

 _He was completely right._

 _She had been worried for no reason, especially since they kissed more than actors in a romance movie, and none of it was unwanted._

 _Even now, as he pushed her to lay back on the sofa, his mouth moving along hers, and one hand cupping her neck (thumb rubbing the sweet, sweet spot that was her pulse) she couldn't find it in her to regret anything about their development._

 _But then again, that may be Natsu's tongue doing that._

 _He pushed it past her lips, stroking her own and twisting it around before pulling it away and nipping at her plump lip. Lucy sighed, her eyes rolling behind closed lids as she ran her hand underneath his shirt and up, up, up his muscled back to grab at his shoulder and pull him heavier onto her, crushing her heaving breasts onto his chest and pushing a thigh in between his._

 _That groan though._

 _If it was hot before, Lucy was sitting in Satan's living room now._

 _It was cozy in Hell. Satan's house looked weirdly like Natsu's, minus all the potted plants. Satan seemed to favor snowglobes, and Lucy could have laughed at the irony if it weren't Natsu's hand running up the inside of her thigh towards a place that would send her careening straight to Jesus's backyard._

 _Should she let him touch? Should she let him go that far? She knew without a doubt that she_ _ **would**_ _, but_ _ **should**_ _she?_

 _It didn't matter though, because a chuckle that sounded too deep to be hers and too far away to be Natsu (his mouth was a little bit…occupied at the moment) rolled into her ears._

 _She had read in books that when certain moments came crashing down, it was like having cold water dropped on you. It made you tense, and suddenly realize that you weren't shit when you thought you were. It was like having your life flash before your eyes because you were dead now and no one would mourn you._

 _She may have exaggerated a bit, but that was what it certainly felt like at that moment._

 _And she didn't even open her eyes. Oh no, she kept them closed because she didn't want to see who had walked in on them trying to fuse each other into one body. On him trying to eat her face. On her with her skirt hiked up to her hips and bunny briefs on full display (what? Just because she modeled lingerie didn't mean she had to wear it all the time. They were uncomfortable sometimes)._

 _Basically she didn't feel like staring Death in the face, because the moment she opened her eyes, she knew she was gone._

She couldn't remember being so mortified.

The ground refused to follow her wishes and send her into the abyss.

She wished she could pull a _Carrie_ and make one of the many knives in the kitchen fly in her direction. Or Natsu's Or Igneel's. Preferably Natsu's.

She wanted on set the world on fire. And give Igneel amnesia, because nothing in the _world_ could've prepared her for that _exact moment._

You know, the moment in which she would explain to her boyfriend's father just why exactly she was trying to swallow his son whole.

Lucy gulped and ran her fingers through her hair for the seventeenth time as Igneel stared at her with…with…just the _biggest_ shit-eating grin known to man. Even bigger than Natsu's own when he proved her wrong about something. The stupid smug smile that made her want to rub his stupid, beautiful face into the concrete until it was nothing more than-

"So…you gonna tell me why she was trying to inhale your soul from your body, son?"

"Because she's secretly a Shinigami and I'm dead because I fell in-like with what I thought was an angel."

And the one thing Igneel caught from that monstrosity of a sentence was: "'In-like'?"

"Yeah. It's like in-love, but less intense and less scary, you know?"

"Ah, yeah. I fell in-like with your mother before I fell in-love with her. And before that, I hated her. Like, really hated her. Like, it was some weird shoujou shit, how we fell in-love."

Lucy just stared at the two because how could she not?

Natsu's father had literally walked in on them practically grinding on his son's couch and they were talking like it hadn't happened at all!

Lucy didn't know if the red in her face was from shame, embarrassment, or because she really wanted to finish what she and Natsu had started. Probably a little of all three.

"So who is she?" Igneel asked, and Lucy tuned back into the conversation.

"She's my girlfriend, Lucy. You know, the one I was telling you about," her stupid, stripper boyfriend responded.

(That was still very weird to think of. Her boyfriend was a stripper. Huh.)

She saw Igneel's eyes slid to her, and the blonde fought hard to keep her eyes on his. The picture of Igneel that Natsu had in his living room didn't do the man justice. He had a rugged sort of look to him. It wasn't ugly at all though, but instead really good-looking. His hair was still pink, but, once again, darker than Natsu's own baby pink. And Lucy knew it was natural because his beard itself was a smooth pink as well.

It was really weird because only anime characters had naturally pink hair-

Oh…

Fourth wall breaking aside, Igneel's own eyes were a full emerald green, so different than Natsu's. His chin was strong and square instead of sharp and curved. His nose fat and round instead of long and pointed.

So much like Natsu, but so different as well.

"I like her!" Stripper Daddy responded.

Natsu grinned, but Lucy gawked.

"Excuse-y?" the teacher asked. Oh yeah, her intelligence was really shining through.

She refused to believe that he accepted her that easily. Did he not know what she did for a living when she was teaching her spoiled brats? She was posing half naked!

…But then again, his son was a stripper…

"Oh yeah, I like you a lot." Igneel grinned, and she could see the sharp points of his canines. Good Mavis alive, he really looked like Natsu's real dad when he did stuff like that. "No one has been able to keep eye contact with me for longer than two seconds."

It slipped out before she could stop it. "Probably because of your startling good looks. Natsu looks just like you."

"I don't think I appreciate you flirting with my dad."

"No one cares, Natsu. Not everything is about you."

"Ha! What do you want engraved on your tombstone, son? She just slayed you like a dragon! Oh warrior Lucy, are you gonna keep his skull as a memento?"

"Going to put in my living room, right above my throne made from the bones of my enemies."

Igneel let out a belching laugh, the hearty laugh that made her core shake with her own laugh. "Natsu, my boy! She's stealing the heart of a married man!"

"And I don't approve of this at all. Quick, Lucy! Spit in his coffee so he can hate you!"

"That girl's saliva probably brings dead plants back to life. She already has honeyed words."

Lucy beamed with pride and Natsu grumbled to himself.

* * *

"You got home safe, right?"

" _Yes, Natsu."_

"No trouble on your way back?"

" _No, Natsu."_

"Are you sure? If there was a drunk driver anywhere-"

" _No, Natsu."_

"You're with Erza and them, right?"

" _Yes, Natsu."_

"You like me right?"

" _That's a stupid question. That's it, I'm dumping you. We're no longer together, and we can't be friends. I hope you're happy. This was all because of your dumb question."_

Natsu smiled to himself, rolling a coin in between in his fingers as he listened to Lucy shuffle around in her bedroom. She had left his place about an hour ago, and he called her as soon as she walked out of his front door. Igneel was still there, watching him from the kitchen with a dopey grin on his face.

His phone was hot against his cheek, but he didn't dare hang up. Not until he heard the click of a lightswitch and she was falling asleep in the safety of her own bed. They had done this many times before, and it became somewhat of a tradition. Every time she went home late, they would stay on the phone to make sure she was safe and nothing had happened.

It made Natsu feel better because he actually cared about his little shit of a girlfriend, no matter how much it seemed like he didn't.

He heard the telltale 'click' and the rush of air against the speaker, signaling that she had flopped down into her bed. Lucy sighed and Natsu tilted his head. "Tired?"

" _A little. It was quite the day, what with your father showing up randomly and all that."_

His father was a nosy little bastard. The older man was suddenly sitting on the couch, one ankle resting on his knee and an arm tossed over the back, a nonchalant look on his face. Natsu gave him a blank look and slowly flipped him the bird. Igneel flipped it back, adding another one for a good measure.

That was okay. Igneel could win this battle, but Natsu knew he won the war when his father shifted into the middle of the couch. Little did the man know that he and Lucy had done a lot on that couch. A lot of kissing, a lot of touching, a lot of _feeling_ -

" _Natsu?"_

"Hm?"

" _I always knew you weren't from Earthland, but if you could come back from Edolas for one minute and talk to me, that'd be great."_

"Sorry, I was thinking about all the _nasty_ things we did on that couch Igneel's sitting on."

He could practically hear Lucy blush as Igneel shot from the leather sofa. His father flew to the closet, rifling through it like it as the last thing he would do.

"I'm gonna burn it!" his old man shouted. Natsu pumped a fist into the air.

" _Natsu! Why would you say that?! He probably thinks I'm some harlot now!"_

"Eh. Doesn't matter as long as you like him enough." The stripper paused. "You do like him, right?"

" _Didn't I already compliment his dashing good looks?"_

"Please stop."

Lucy laughed. _"But in all honesty? Yeah, he's great. A bit of a wild card, but he's seems harmless enough."_

"You hear that old man?! She says you're harmless."

"I'll prove her wrong! Where's my chainsaw?!"

His girlfriend (still fucking weird to think about) laughed again, and Natsu thought he felt that heavy ass piano fall off his shoulders. Suddenly he could breathe just a little bit easier.

It was stupid, to be worried about Lucy not liking his dad. Everybody liked his dad. Igneel was weird as fuck, but he had that weird aura about him that just screamed 'talk to me, I may be stacked but I make a mean apple pie' for some reason.

But Lucy was different, raised different. She was raised going to corporate parties, socializing with all the rich pricks that pissed money and sacrificed cow cheese to watermelon Gods in their down time. She was raised going to private schools and taking off her shoes outside the front door because apparently cleaning hardwood floors was damn near impossible.

She was raised in a different, more formal and less weird world than he was. And he was going to be completely honest when he said he was fucking terrified that she wasn't going to like his dad.

Because if she didn't, Natsu probably was going to end the relationship.

Igneel was important to him. Lucy was too, but Igneel more. Igneel saved him from that God awful orphanage, brought him home and raised him as his own, calling him son in every sentence to reassure him that yes, he was his father and nothing was going to change that. Igneel was a constant in his life, and if she didn't approve…

Well shit, did that really matter now?

" _-and there I was, barbeque sauce on my titties-"_

"What the fuck?"

" _Oh there you are! I was just telling you about my camping trip last month."_

"You never went camping last month."

" _Glad to know you listen to me when I talk,"_ she said dryly. Natsu grinned sheepishly _. "Anyway, I'm going to bed now. Tell Igneel I said good night."_

He was kind of disappointed, but he wouldn't complain. His father was still here and she had work the next day. They couldn't stay up all night. "Alright. Night, I like you."

Natsu could hear Lucy's smile over the phone. _"I like you too, you big goof."_ And she hung up.

The stripper looked down at his phone, 'Lady Short Skirts' blaring up at him before he locked his screen and plopped down on the couch with a heavy sigh.

"She's quite a catch. More laid back than that Jubilee character you had," Natsu heard igneel say. "I wasn't joking when I said I liked her."

"I know. I like her too," the younger man said. "A lot actually."

"You said she's a teacher? Part time model?"

"Yeah." He grabbed the beer Igneel pressed to his forehead and popped it open.

"And she doesn't care that you take off your clothes for horny young and old women?"

"Oh she cares, but she doesn't say anything about it because it's not her place to influence my life."

"Hm. Keep her. She knows her boundaries and I can respect that."

Natsu smiled and pressed the bottle to his lips. "You don't have to tell me twice."

* * *

1\. WOW.

2\. Hi.

3\. Ten points to the House that get's the barbeque sauce reference up there. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

4\. So I died. They had an obituary for me and everything! Here's what it said: "This little bitch is gone till November. Cause of death was food poisoning, betrayed by the one thing she loved the most. Or was it heartbreak? Doctors can't tell anymore since she died too many times to tell. They gave up on her because she refuses to stay dead. And she's alive again. God dammit."

5\. I love Igneel. Let's face it, he was coming sooner or later. He'll be in the next chapter for sure because I loved writing him so much. Do you guys care about the time skip? I don't. It's there not only because it has literally been over two months since I updated, so it gave everyone time to come to terms that they're dating now, but also because I was not trying to write day after day after day of their relationship. I'm creative, but not that much. So boom, time skip. Yes, I'm lazy.

6\. I've always hated that fourth wall. So I decided to break it.

7\. Did I tell you guys I got third degree burns on my foot because I spilled noodles on them? And another one on my arm from cooking chicken? Just a glimpse into what kind of summer it's been.

8\. I'm _**STARVING.**_

9\. So wow...over 600 reviews huh? Must be my dashing good looks that keep you coming back for more ;)

10\. I drink everything with my pinky up, like a ma'am. Even bottled drinks. Do you?


	24. Chapter 23

**_xX Talking Body Xx_**

 ** _Xx Chapter...Hm: 21 Questions xX_**

* * *

"Do you think our dads would get along?" Lucy asked.

"Swimmingly," Natsu answered.

It had been a week since Igneel showed up at Natsu's place unannounced. Lucy was a bit disappointed that she didn't get to hang out around Natsu as often since most of his time was being taken up by the older man, but she couldn't fault him. It was his dad, after all. To be honest, she'd probably do the same thing if it was her mother involved.

Igneel had mentioned that he wanted to talk to 'his-future-daughter-in-law-if-Natsu-grew-a-pair-of-bull-balls' once more, which was probably why they were hanging out again. Natsu had told her to meet them at the shitty café next to the old gym because apparently his father didn't deserve a three star lunch, but she had argued that she was still trying to get on his good side so 'let's go to IPOP!'

("He's not good enough for that. We're taking him to SubRay." "Natsu, seriously. I like your father and I want him to like me. We're going Bronze Corral." "You're fucking kidding. You think I eat a lot? That man would eat the rotting flesh of a zombie and be like 'this is a chef's work'. No.")

They ended up taking him to Ivory Garden because of the breadsticks. Natsu greatly disapproved and slightly approved.

So as Lucy munched on the sticks of bread that she was so glad were free, she watched her boyfriend and father bicker back and forth loudly. The patrons looked on curiously and a bit disturbed and Lucy ignored them. She was used to this behavior.

Look at who she was dating. Of course she was used to this.

"And I'm telling you that Octopusses-"

"Octopi," Lucy corrected Natsu, which he ignored.

"-Are dumber than dolphins!"

"My son," Igneel said sagely, and where did those glasses come from? "I will not lie and say that dolphins are unintelligent, but Octopussy's-"

"Octo _pi,_ " Lucy stressed.

"-Are much smarter than them. Despite my age, I do frequently use the internet."

"Yeah! To watch porn and wank off your old dick!"

Lucy almost fainted.

"Why would I do that when I have your mother?"

Natsu almost fainted.

The breadsticks from every table in the restaurant were pushed to the center. A baby started crying somewhere.

Lucy decided to put the argument to rest and searched Goggle. After a few moments, she spoke. "Octopi-"

"Octopusses-"

"Octopussy's-"

"Octo _pi_ ," she glared at the men, "are ranked number seven in the top 25, and dolphins are ranked number three."

"Ha!" Natsu cried. Igneel glared.

"But since I like your dad more, I'm saying he's right."

"Ha!" Igneeel cried. Natsu glared.

Lucy bit into her breadstick.

Their food arrived and Igneel practically ripped it from the waiter's hand and was almost done with it before it even hit the table. The teen almost started crying (like that baby whose parents apparently didn't give a shit) and he set the rest of the food down.

Six plates for Igneel, three for Natsu, and one for Lucy.

How the hell even…?

Lucy chalked it up to them being aliens. No human could eat that much. Hell, she didn't think an _alien_ could eat that much.

She didn't know what they were.

She broke out of her ponderings when Igneel spoke her name.

"So you're an heiress to an underwear company, huh?"

Definitely not human, since both of them lacked tact. Like, really lacked it.

Lucy flushed, and picked at the shrimp in her dish. "I am…"

"Ah, how good it is to be young. What fabric?"

"Um...I don't really know since I don't make it."

"You just wear it?"

"Sometimes. Not often. I have to look presentable in front of my students, and-"

"They'd die of blood loss from the nose if they knew you modeled it."

Tact. Why the hell didn't he believe in it? That's one way to put it. "Kind of…" She wasn't sure how to take this conversation.

Apparently neither did Natsu, since he threw a meatball at his father's head. Did they even order meatballs? Who was footing this bill? "Are you done? I'm just about tired of hearing you question my girlfriend about her side job."

Igneel grinned. "Want me to question you about yours? How's the phone sex business going? Still getting a lot of calls?"

Was Natsu flushing? Lucy was sure he was flushing. "I don't want to talk about this right now," her boyfriend said.

"I've always been curious about how that works," Igneel continued. "What do you say to the ladies? How long do you have to be on the phone with them? Do you have to whack it while talking? I can barely think when I'm masturbating and you have to string together full sentences?"

There was scandalized gasp from somewhere behind her, and the people in the booth diagonal from them stood up and left. And that baby was going to have the lungs of a swimmer if it kept wailing like that. Natsu just shrugged.

"Meh, I just say whatever comes-"

"Heh heh. Comes-"

"-to mind. If it's something dirty, then there it is. If it's something unrelated, fuck it." Natsu ignored Igneel's dirty joke and just kept going. "You know, the phone sex business is actually pretty complicated and brilliant."

"How so?" Lucy asked. To be honest, she was actually pretty curious too. She'd never thought about what it would be like to work as a phone sex operator before, or how the system worked.

Natsu and his father both glanced at her, silently asking if she was going to be comfortable with them discussing phone sex at the table in a public place. Lucy shrugged. She was sure they were about to be kicked out of the restaurant anyway (and so was that baby if it didn't shut up), so it didn't matter if they had an informative conversation before the inevitable demise. Plus it was business. She knew business.

"Well I'll try to make as entertaining as possible, since discussing actual shit is boring," Natsu said, and Lucy grabbed his arm to pull it around her shoulders, resting her head on his own.

"Well I don't care about entertainment as long as you talk. I kind of like your voice." She could practically feel his grin as he pressed a hard peck to her forehead. "Sometimes. You talk in your sleep and it's annoying."

"I take that kiss back," he said seriously.

"Too late. It's imprinted on my forehead. Forever."

Igneel was smiling at the pair and he let them their moment before he ushered his son to keep talking. "I'm not getting any younger, you slow shit." However impolitely.

"Shut the hell up. Anyway, the system as a worker isn't pretty difficult. The customers make the time I have to stay on the phone, not me. It could be anywhere from five minutes to an hour, depending on the lady." Natsu took a sip of his wine, and continued. "Sometimes it sucks, 'cause I only get paid about 40 cents or so per minute. So if the call is eleven minutes, I get paid literally about four dollars."

"That's not enough to pay for the ice cream you bought me that one day," Lucy mused.

"That you wasted."

The pink-haired father gasped dramatically. "You wasted ice cream?! You're a monster! You're not allowed to date my son."

"I took your side in the octopi argument!"

"It's not enough! I can't have that kind of negative influence surrounding my dear boy. First you waste ice cream, and then next thing you know, you're a child murderer. And your first victim would be the kid that won't shut up over there." Igneel glared in its direction, and as if the words were a switch, the kid magically became silent.

Igneel was a godsend.

"As I was saying!" Natsu interrupted oh-so-rudely. "Sometimes the calls last about the time the woman requested, but since I'm such a hit, they extend longer. Most of my calls last around twenty minutes or so, and they're mostly just girls that want to talk to someone. Not that all of them are like that though. I get some girls that are real freaky. Luckily I'm such a good actor."

"I don't know whether to be proud or disappointed in you," Igneel muttered.

"You're not the only one," Lucy agreed.

"Glad to know I have so much support. Really. It's overwhelming," the male-stripper deadpanned.

They chatted about random subjects for about a half an hour more before they packed up their food and left. Igneel offered Lucy his arm as they started walking down the sidewalk, no destination in particular, while Natsu trailed behind them.

Lucy really liked Igneel. He's was genuine in the way he acted, and she definitely knew that he was where Natsu got most of his morals from. It was cute, thinking of a mini Natsu trying to be so much like his father. Would their kids try to be like their father too-

That was random and Lucy immediately pushed it out of her mind. They weren't even married, didn't even know if they were going to get married. It was still too soon to be thinking about kids.

But as Lucy craned her neck back to look at Natsu, smiling at him as he grinned at her, she couldn't help but picture a little blond boy attached to his leg, and a little blonde girl sleeping on his back.

Though it was too soon, she thought they would make some pretty babies.

* * *

"Why do you have a dent in your roof? That wasn't there the last time I was here."

"You know, Lucy, sometimes I really don't like the way you talk to me."

They laid cuddled up in Natsu's bed, her on her back, and him in between her legs with his head on her chest. He could hear her heartbeat, strong like her thighs which were squeezing his waist deliciously.

If Natsu had a favorite place to sit or lay at, it would be in between Lucy's legs. And it wasn't just sexual, it was also friendly.

Lucy had long legs for how short she was. Her thighs were thick and soft, and her calves were super skinny compared to them. She had chicken legs, and it was funny, but it was warm and he didn't have a problem with her bony ankles digging into his own thighs.

With her thighs wrapped around his waist, her heels digging into his tailbone, he felt at home. Her fingers playing in his hair as he trailed his fingers up her and down her sides, he felt at peace.

He sounded so sentimental and it pissed him off. Fuck.

"Tell me I'm manly."

"You're a little pansy."

"Why you-"

Lucy laughed as he dug his fingers into her waist, tickling her without mercy. She bucked her hips into his with a squeal or seven and he grinned as she writhe underneath him. He was not a pansy! He was a strong independent woman who don't need no man-

Wait.

Lucy panted underneath him as he slowed his fingers to a stop, resting his large hands on her hips. Her cheeks were flushed and she had a slight sheen of sweat lining her forehead. Natsu bumped his own on hers as she calmed down. He could feel her heartbeat racing in her chest.

"I like that," Natsu blurted. The teacher looked up at him.

"What?"

"When your heart races like that. It means I'm doing something right."

"Or wrong. It could mean you're scaring me."

"Like I would scare you."

"I don't know. The way you eat is nightmare inducing." He moved his hands to her waist threateningly and Lucy stuttered. "I-I mean you're amazing! Absolutely a treasure! And manly! So much man!"

"Damn straight! You can't handle all this testosterone." Lucy rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer still.

"Nope, I can't. Can't handle all this idiot either." She grinned when he glared, pecking him on the lips chastely. "You're my idiot though."

"Territorial much?"

"Just a little." They smiled at each other, and Natsu felt just a little bit lighter.

Goddamn, he really liked this girl.

He ran a hand up the outside of her thigh, and she hummed, pleased with the attention. "Did I ever tell you I like your thighs?" Natsu asked. Lucy smiled bemusedly.

"Where did that come from?"

"They're soft and thick. Squishy. They make great pillows."

"That's insulting."

"They're warm, too. And I like being in between them…"

"Natsu…" Lucy flushed.

Oh, he could roll with this. Seduction was familiar territory. That feeling shit? Nuh-uh. Someone else could deal with that. "The way they wrap around my waist. The way I fit perfectly between them."

Lucy squirmed, her hips grinding against his own, making him growl softly. "Is this what you say to your customers?" she joked, her hands dipping into the collar of his shirt.

"No," Natsu muttered. He dipped his head to let his lips brush over her own as he spoke. "I lie to those women. I mean what I say to you."

He kissed her then, slow and deep. Her mouth opened without preamble, and he swept his tongue inside. Their tongues tangled and danced and he could feel the fire in his belly growing and growing.

Something else was growing and growing as well. And he was sure she could feel it.

Her hands moved from his neck to wrap around his back and pull his shirt up. He could feel her perfectly manicured nails scrap up the tanned skin, and he groaned softly in her mouth. He could feel her smile, so he nipped her bottom lip. "The hell are you laughing about?"

"Did you know you're really expressive?" Natsu hummed in denial. "No it's true! You're an open book. The sounds you make and your body language give you away more than your face."

"Nope. I'm a statue. I have no emotion."

"Oh? So you don't like it when I do this?" Lucy scratched at his back again, and his body jerked into her. He wasn't affected. "Or this?" She squeezed her thighs around him, and his fingers clutched at her waist. Nope, he wasn't affected at all. "Or this?" She licked at his bottom lip, and he groaned, pleased. "Or-"

"Alright, alright! You made your point." She laughed delightfully, the sound rolling into his ears at just the right angle. He pinched her thigh in retaliation.

"Well you're just as expressive too!" He whined. Lucy smiled, and oh, she thought she won, didn't she?

The thing about Natsu was that he never lost. Whenever he was in a fight, the 'power of friendship' always picked him up when he was down. The plot armor was strong with this one, making him damn there invincible. He was a winner by nature, and he knew Lucy knew that.

But if she wanted to be the competitor, for the first time in a while, then he'd be happy to knock her down a few pegs.

"I know I'm an open book too. I've never been good at hiding what I'm feeling."

"Well shit, I was hoping you'd try and fight me."

"Hell no. I know I'd lose. I swear you get turned on by the smallest amount of defiance. That's why you and Gray are so cute together."

"Get out of my house."

"Can't leave when you're flattening me like a pancake."

"You know, this started out so hot. Why'd you have to change the subject?"

Lucy arched her back, pushing her chest further into his own, and he could feel her hardened nipples through that thin fucking shirt and why the fuck did he let her go outside in that? It was cold!

"Well we can't do much anyway," she pointed out while running her hands up his back. God, he loved her hands. They were so soft. "Igneel's still here."

"We can be quiet." Natsu dipped his and scraped his teeth along the side of her neck, listening to her sigh of pleasure. He ran his hand along her side underneath her shirt, grazing the side of her breast before redirecting it to her back. He fiddled with the clasp of her bra and if she pushed her chest any further into his own, Natsu was sure he'd be the one with massive tits. Not that he'd have a problem with that, but it would throw off his balance a little.

"It's still a no," Lucy said, but he could hear the reluctance in her voice and feel the effects of his attentions on his groin. She was so warm down there. "Maybe when he leaves. But for right now, we have to just make do with a little touching and a lot of kissing." She gave him a quick peck before rolling them over, straddling him for just a small moment (and that was such a fucking beautiful picture that he never knew he needed until that very moment), before hopping off him and running to the bathroom. "Now if you'll excuse me. I need to go make myself presentable so I can face your father before I leave!"

"You can leave your panties here!"

"You're a riot!"

Welp. He tried.

* * *

1\. So remember when I said I was 'back, bitches'? I lied cause I'm a piece of shit.

2\. Good thing is my muse is back and I freaking missed you guys.

3\. How ya been?

4\. Goddamn, I'm such a piece of ass.

5\. 50 Cent did not sponsor this chapter title. I just got lazy and realized there were a lot of questions. I promised more Igneel in the last chapter so here! More Daddy! Clearly I researched phone sex business stuff cause that's a thing in this story sort of. I have many sources and this isn't an English paper so I'm not citing shit. If this chapter feels like it's lacking humor, it's because I'm getting less and less funny because I'm a piece of half trash that is inconsistent and what? Fuck I can't even explain the chapter. Just suck up the bullshit that is my writing and don't question it.

6\. Did you know Talking Body turned 1 already? I wanted to update for her birthday but her father, my muse, left me to go on vacation. He's such a shitty dad. He came back all tanned and toned and sexy and fuck I missed him. Good to have you back, muse! Your daughter is one already! You know what? We're not having this argument right now! There are people watching us! No I will not calm down! TB really wanted to see you and-

7\. I'm arguing with my muse? With myself? With my laptop? What's happening? Who am I?

8\. QUESTION!

9\. So this story was originally supposed to have a lemon somewhere in here because it was supposed to be short and now we're twenty something balls- I mean chapters deep. I've been putting sexy snippets in here, to lead up to a little ugly bumping, but then I had to go and develop shit and make them care and I feel like a lemon wouldn't fit. I'll write one if y'all want it, and obviously it'll work, but do y'all still want it? ANSWER ME.

10\. Also let me know in a review if you guys missed me. Cause I sure as shitting shit missed y'all.


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